Afternoon everyone
This weekend was the best weekend we have had since Hailey came back into our lives. Like I said the other day we and yes I said we read allot. Before I was so insensitive to his feelings. To me she was the black cloud in the room we wouldn't of even been able to breath her name without me throwing a temper tantrum. Don't get me wrong I have been trying I found and brought her a wig a week ago. (but I still hated the thought). That was then a now I'm more at ease. I know this is not going to be easy and it's not just going to go away in a weekend (how i was feeling). Like I told Hailey today is a good day tomorrow could be worst or better and god only knows what will happen when I'm PMSing. she understands more about herself and why she is this way and why i was acting out. We figured out I was hurt and jealous. Cuz its only been a month since our last daughter moved out. And of course I thought I would be put at the top of the list finally NEW CLOTHES, MAKEUP you know what i mean. instead of me it was her. So I had a major break through and went through my clothes and gave her a new out fit. Yes she looks hot in it. I told her yesterday I was not going to share my makeup but she does have a new outfit,shoes,wig and stockings so I think to night when she gets home i will share my makeup I'VE NEVER SEEN HER COMPLETLY DONE UP just bits and pieces so hopefully we will have pix to post soon. As for the sharing part she understand I've had to share for 24yrs. Oh yea I also gave her pair of my hot camo pants so she could wear them in the yard. And all the girls formal and prom dresses. the girls said have a sale and try to get some of the money back. But I think giving them to Hailey will be allot more fun and priceless.
I'm learning
Moderators: KimberlyS, Eileen (SO)
-
CarlyAnn (SO)
- Miss Silver Goddess
- Posts: 29
- Joined: Fri May 30, 2008 9:02 am
- Location: SE. Michigan
-
Carol Ann
- Miss Diamond Goddess
- Posts: 3296
- Joined: Fri Aug 15, 2003 7:23 am
- Location: Southeast Missouri
CarlyAnn,
Please don't give in to fast as you also have a life to live. Now I can say this for a fact the newness will wear off in a month or so when she has hit her peck and things will settle down and be more comfortable for you. My wife knew when we got married I enjoyed cross dressing and when we were very young we used to go out together and have a good time. Trust me she will slow down and settle in, but you both have to have cool heads when you talk about things.
Listen to me, my wife stills gets me outfits and stuff BUT, she maintains in her rules as yes she has a say in what I can and can not do. To this day I can dress all I want go outside and do what every but want it comes to going out now the foot goes down, NO!
Try to remember it's give and take on both sides or it will never last.
Please don't give in to fast as you also have a life to live. Now I can say this for a fact the newness will wear off in a month or so when she has hit her peck and things will settle down and be more comfortable for you. My wife knew when we got married I enjoyed cross dressing and when we were very young we used to go out together and have a good time. Trust me she will slow down and settle in, but you both have to have cool heads when you talk about things.
Listen to me, my wife stills gets me outfits and stuff BUT, she maintains in her rules as yes she has a say in what I can and can not do. To this day I can dress all I want go outside and do what every but want it comes to going out now the foot goes down, NO!
Try to remember it's give and take on both sides or it will never last.
-
CarlyAnn (SO)
- Miss Silver Goddess
- Posts: 29
- Joined: Fri May 30, 2008 9:02 am
- Location: SE. Michigan
I don't know if I'm giving in to fast I thought I was compromising. To me this is little enough for me to swallow and get use to. A few clothes and a little bit of makeup will slow her down just enough for me to stay on the same page, cause if you knew him/her personally you would know everything is today their is no tomorrow. I have realized; before it had to be all pushed into a few hours she never got time to explore what it would be like with her around all the time. Most of the problem was me ( the what if factor ). AND DON'T EVER LET IT OUT OF THE BEDROOM. Now I can see past my nose. It's still going to be a slow road ahead and I have to give her room to grow. I've had a life time to grow all she got was a few hours here and there. As for control that will come in time believe me I will step up and put my foot down. IMO I think thats really what she wants. LOL 
-
Caith
- Software Administrator
- Posts: 537
- Joined: Tue Sep 25, 2007 5:06 pm
- Location: US
CarlyAnn, the tone of your posts indicates to me that you have calmed down considerably and understand things a little better. That's more than many spouses achieve in a lifetime, and you are to be congratulated 
for making the effort. As Carol Ann said, keep talking and never move past your current level of comfort. It's so difficult for us after repressing and hiding all our lives how we really feel and want to be. I'd wager as long as you keep telling Hailey how you're feeling and she always listens and respects that, you'll both be 
happy. And once again 
to the forum, it's great having you here.
for making the effort. As Carol Ann said, keep talking and never move past your current level of comfort. It's so difficult for us after repressing and hiding all our lives how we really feel and want to be. I'd wager as long as you keep telling Hailey how you're feeling and she always listens and respects that, you'll both be happy. And once again to the forum, it's great having you here.Caith 
-
Georgia(SO)
- Miss Platinum Goddess
- Posts: 416
- Joined: Fri Mar 25, 2005 8:58 am
Congratulatons CarlyAnn and Hailey - glad ya'll are talking. But I'm with DonnaT about watching out for foot-putting-down. Truly, the only thing that any person can put their foot down about is what they themselves will do in the event that an unpleasant situation arises.
It's an important distinction, regardless of what the confrontation is over... and over the years, I have come to realize that it is the only way to live. I can't control what anyone else (husbands, ex-husbands, bosses, friends, relatives) in the whole world does - but I *can* control what I am willing to live with, what I am willing to ignore, forgive, etc., *and* what I am not willing to live with. My call. His too.
We are all, everyone of us, only responsible for, and able to control, our own choices. This does not mean that I can't say "Uhm... I'm not wild about this or that choice". But it does mean -in worst case scenarios -
the difference between "I'm leaving you because you did XYZ" and "I don't want to live with XYZ". One is punishing the partner, the other is my own choice of how I want to live my life and with whom I wish to share it and under what circumstances. The difference, in worst case scenarios, between me as a victim ("I'm leaving you because you hit me") and me as a person making my own choices ("I don't want to live fearful"). Or on this forum, "I'm leaving because you keep dressing" and "This is not how I want to live *my* life..." Big old difference...
sorry for the soapbox - it's something I'm currently trying to teach my son and his fiancee...
georgia(so) - already on the way to Virginia's woodshed
It's an important distinction, regardless of what the confrontation is over... and over the years, I have come to realize that it is the only way to live. I can't control what anyone else (husbands, ex-husbands, bosses, friends, relatives) in the whole world does - but I *can* control what I am willing to live with, what I am willing to ignore, forgive, etc., *and* what I am not willing to live with. My call. His too.
We are all, everyone of us, only responsible for, and able to control, our own choices. This does not mean that I can't say "Uhm... I'm not wild about this or that choice". But it does mean -in worst case scenarios -
the difference between "I'm leaving you because you did XYZ" and "I don't want to live with XYZ". One is punishing the partner, the other is my own choice of how I want to live my life and with whom I wish to share it and under what circumstances. The difference, in worst case scenarios, between me as a victim ("I'm leaving you because you hit me") and me as a person making my own choices ("I don't want to live fearful"). Or on this forum, "I'm leaving because you keep dressing" and "This is not how I want to live *my* life..." Big old difference...
sorry for the soapbox - it's something I'm currently trying to teach my son and his fiancee...
georgia(so) - already on the way to Virginia's woodshed
-
Elizabeth
- Miss Ruby Goddess
- Posts: 1878
- Joined: Mon May 03, 2004 3:02 am
Carly Anne,
What a great step forward. I know all of this is difficult. It's tough when we find out things are not as we always thought they would be. But you are correct that it's up to you to decide what tomorrow will bring. Just keep in mind when you are reaching compromise, to never give more than you can live with. This will lead to resentments and future impasses. Give in where you can. Where you feel it's something you can live with and remember, it does not have to all happen right away. If you don't need a lot of time, that's great too, but make sure you are not trying to make yourself ok with something you are not ok with.
At the same time, it won't go away and accepting it is the only rational choice, in my opinion. I am happy for you and proud that you were able to make this step. Good luck.
Love always,
Elizabeth
What a great step forward. I know all of this is difficult. It's tough when we find out things are not as we always thought they would be. But you are correct that it's up to you to decide what tomorrow will bring. Just keep in mind when you are reaching compromise, to never give more than you can live with. This will lead to resentments and future impasses. Give in where you can. Where you feel it's something you can live with and remember, it does not have to all happen right away. If you don't need a lot of time, that's great too, but make sure you are not trying to make yourself ok with something you are not ok with.
At the same time, it won't go away and accepting it is the only rational choice, in my opinion. I am happy for you and proud that you were able to make this step. Good luck.
Love always,
Elizabeth
-
Absaroka
- Miss Diamond Goddess
- Posts: 3344
- Joined: Fri Feb 04, 2005 8:30 am
Carly Ann you've gotten a lot of good replies here, some of them very deep which need to be thought about on a number of levels.
Just having your final daughter move out would be emotionally difficult. And now all of a sudden you have to deal with this. You've got a lot on your plate.
I liked Georgia's post a lot. It has seemed to me that much of the emphasis has been on your accepting Hailey, which is important. But of equal importance is acceptance of where you are at. We talk all the time here about men exploring their feminine side and a big aspect of being feminine (I don't want to get into a discussion of what is manly or womanly here since actually I don't subscribe to a lot of these labels) is that woman are nurturing. So if Hailey is becoming more feminine how is she nurturing you, loving you, caring for you? Listening to your feelings rather than telling you how to fix yourself? Or to put it as Helen Boyd would, if you really want to get in touch with your feminine side, do the dishes.
An important comparision between newly out CDs and teenage girls has been made and I think it's very appropriate. In addition to changing their clothes all the time and exploring their sexiness via heels and sexy clothing teenage girls (and boys) are incredibly self centered. I know, I have two......and CDs are sometimes known for being self absorbed although we don't like to admit it. Put Hailey further in touch with her inner teenage girl by telling her to clean her room......
I guess what I am saying is that I applaud you for trying to accept this side of your husband. It is only right that you get the same in return.
Absaroka
Just having your final daughter move out would be emotionally difficult. And now all of a sudden you have to deal with this. You've got a lot on your plate.
I liked Georgia's post a lot. It has seemed to me that much of the emphasis has been on your accepting Hailey, which is important. But of equal importance is acceptance of where you are at. We talk all the time here about men exploring their feminine side and a big aspect of being feminine (I don't want to get into a discussion of what is manly or womanly here since actually I don't subscribe to a lot of these labels) is that woman are nurturing. So if Hailey is becoming more feminine how is she nurturing you, loving you, caring for you? Listening to your feelings rather than telling you how to fix yourself? Or to put it as Helen Boyd would, if you really want to get in touch with your feminine side, do the dishes.
An important comparision between newly out CDs and teenage girls has been made and I think it's very appropriate. In addition to changing their clothes all the time and exploring their sexiness via heels and sexy clothing teenage girls (and boys) are incredibly self centered. I know, I have two......and CDs are sometimes known for being self absorbed although we don't like to admit it. Put Hailey further in touch with her inner teenage girl by telling her to clean her room......
I guess what I am saying is that I applaud you for trying to accept this side of your husband. It is only right that you get the same in return.
Absaroka
everything under the sun is in tune
but the sun is eclipsed by the moon
but the sun is eclipsed by the moon
-
KimberlyS
- Site Administrator
- Posts: 3341
- Joined: Tue Feb 24, 2004 4:01 pm
- Location: North Central USA, SD
Re: I'm learning
I am so glad it is going well for you both. It sounds there is open communication going on between you both which IMHO is key to any situation in a relationship. I know this is CarlyAnn's post but she said something I want to highlight.
kimberlys-cd
Joe in a skirt
Hailey, I hope CarlyAnn is at the top of the list also. Some couples have set one for one shopping agreements which I think is a bit over board but if it works for them. What I want to point out is it should not be all Hailey and no CarlyAnn. Many of us have gone through the "kid in a candy store" or "pink fog" times where all we can think about is our femme self. Make sure CarlyAnn is at the top of your list. Make sure she is being loved and feels loved. Go out of your way to make time for CarlyAnn and not have Hailey there.CarlyAnn (SO) wrote:...Cuz its only been a month since our last daughter moved out. And of course I thought I would be put at the top of the list finally NEW CLOTHES, MAKEUP you know what i mean. instead of me it was her.
kimberlys-cd
Joe in a skirt
Site Administrator
I am a physically male person that likes to wear feminine clothes at times.
Just trying keep a balance for my self along with keeping my wife and kids in mind.
I am a physically male person that likes to wear feminine clothes at times.
Just trying keep a balance for my self along with keeping my wife and kids in mind.
-
CarlyAnn (SO)
- Miss Silver Goddess
- Posts: 29
- Joined: Fri May 30, 2008 9:02 am
- Location: SE. Michigan
hello everyone
You know I've only been talking to y-all for a few days but you opened my eyes to a very odd situation. I found myself last night thinking about how silly I was for blowing this out of proportion. I was under going allot of stress of the girls, my parents and then to find out Hailey was not just a play toy that she was real I kind of fell off the end. As you see it didn't take long for me to come around.
THIS IS THE BEST GROUP OF WOMEN THAT I COULD OF EVER FOUND
THANK YOU LADIES FOR YOUR SUPORT.
You know I've only been talking to y-all for a few days but you opened my eyes to a very odd situation. I found myself last night thinking about how silly I was for blowing this out of proportion. I was under going allot of stress of the girls, my parents and then to find out Hailey was not just a play toy that she was real I kind of fell off the end. As you see it didn't take long for me to come around.
THIS IS THE BEST GROUP OF WOMEN THAT I COULD OF EVER FOUND
THANK YOU LADIES FOR YOUR SUPORT.
-
KimberlyS
- Site Administrator
- Posts: 3341
- Joined: Tue Feb 24, 2004 4:01 pm
- Location: North Central USA, SD
CarlyAnn, it is not silly what you have been going through. Being confronted suddenly by CDing or any thing else can throw any of us off until we can deal with it in some way. I think you have done very well at getting your head around this and getting to the point you are at in such a short period of time. It take some wifes/people years to get to your point of understanding and/or acceptance. And many more never get there or any where close. I hope the two of you keep the communication open and are able to continue to work through things. Some people think compromise within a relationship is one person giving into the other person or one person controlling the other person. When instead it is just making the relationship and everything with in it workable for both of you.
I wish you both the continued success you both have had so far.
kimberlys-cd
joe in a skirt
I wish you both the continued success you both have had so far.
kimberlys-cd
joe in a skirt
Site Administrator
I am a physically male person that likes to wear feminine clothes at times.
Just trying keep a balance for my self along with keeping my wife and kids in mind.
I am a physically male person that likes to wear feminine clothes at times.
Just trying keep a balance for my self along with keeping my wife and kids in mind.
-
Virginia
- Goddess of the Universe
- Posts: 5543
- Joined: Tue Feb 24, 2004 4:06 pm
- Location: Strange Magic Hill
HI CarlyAnn,
I agree with my sister Kimberly, there is nothing silly at all about your reaction. Finding another "woman" in your heretofore monogamous relationship can and I would hope be an "eye opening" experience, yet to at least ask "why" instead of throwing your arms in the air and go run screaming into the night speaks volumes about your desire to make your relationship work and your maturity!!!
We, and I speak for all my sisters here, do sincerely appreciate your compliment! We do try very hard to help each other as much as we can because we do have a lot of girls here who can espouse the "been there done that," for almost anything that can come out in relationships!
Thanks again for sharing with us!!!
Love,
Virginia
I agree with my sister Kimberly, there is nothing silly at all about your reaction. Finding another "woman" in your heretofore monogamous relationship can and I would hope be an "eye opening" experience, yet to at least ask "why" instead of throwing your arms in the air and go run screaming into the night speaks volumes about your desire to make your relationship work and your maturity!!!
We, and I speak for all my sisters here, do sincerely appreciate your compliment! We do try very hard to help each other as much as we can because we do have a lot of girls here who can espouse the "been there done that," for almost anything that can come out in relationships!
Thanks again for sharing with us!!!
Love,
Virginia
First star to the right, then straight on 'till mornin!
-
Elizabeth
- Miss Ruby Goddess
- Posts: 1878
- Joined: Mon May 03, 2004 3:02 am
Virginia,
I just have to take a moment and compliment you for that wonderful post. I remember when I came here, how upset and confused my life was. You were one of the people that made me feel human again. You have this wonderful ability to bring out the love and warmth that this forum has become known for. I always feel so proud when you say "my sisters". It makes me feel like a part of something good.
It is particularly gratifying to reach out to a Significant Other (SO), as so many have reached out to me and the other crossdressers here, to tell us that we are not freaks, or deviants. That we are people who have to be who we are, and that we are still entitled to love and to be loved. I have gained so much strength from this place that it really tickles me whenever I think that someone else may benefit as I have.
Welcome CarlyAnn, it's great to have you here, as well as all our other new members. Our true character is measured not when things are going great, but when things seem to be the worst. It's what we do when things are the most difficult that truly define us. All I can say is that I think you have a lot of character.
Love Always,
Elizabeth
I just have to take a moment and compliment you for that wonderful post. I remember when I came here, how upset and confused my life was. You were one of the people that made me feel human again. You have this wonderful ability to bring out the love and warmth that this forum has become known for. I always feel so proud when you say "my sisters". It makes me feel like a part of something good.
It is particularly gratifying to reach out to a Significant Other (SO), as so many have reached out to me and the other crossdressers here, to tell us that we are not freaks, or deviants. That we are people who have to be who we are, and that we are still entitled to love and to be loved. I have gained so much strength from this place that it really tickles me whenever I think that someone else may benefit as I have.
Welcome CarlyAnn, it's great to have you here, as well as all our other new members. Our true character is measured not when things are going great, but when things seem to be the worst. It's what we do when things are the most difficult that truly define us. All I can say is that I think you have a lot of character.
Love Always,
Elizabeth