Vickie's Beginnings

[Vickie P]

I, like so many of you and other sisters, first explored the feeling of women's clothing around 11 or 12. My first real likeing was my mothers bras, because I did not have any sisters jsut my older brother. We were raised by my Mom after she and our Dad divorced when I was around 6 or 7 years old. The only male in our house hold was my Mom's boyfriend who introduced my brother and I to hunting and fishing at age of 8 or 9. We were originally from N.C. but our parents moved to Pontiac Michigan and that is where I learned the out doors life. This was all from 1951 time frame till 1958 when Mom and her boyfriend broke up. It was after that we moved to Detroit and started over. During the age of 11 & 12, I was wearing her bras and then panties when I could. A neighbor was in the same boat as my Mom and had 1 boy about my age and 2 girls just a year or 2 older than me. The youngest daughter and her brother and I experimented with the sexual differences by by just looking at the differences between all of us when we were in their garage or basement. At 17, I joined the Army for that is what I had wanted to do from age of 6 or 7 so I did it. I did a tour in Korea then returned to Kentucky where I met my first wife. We were married for 22 years and 9 months and had 1 daughter and 3 sons. Many times I wore panties etc when I had the chance alone for my wife didn't want to talk about my desire to wear womens clothes, hell I didn't understand it either, so I just kept it hidden. We were stationed in Kansas and only for about a year and she started in wanting to go back to Germany, me ,I was ready to stay there until I came down on orders again then put in for retirement. She kept on and so I had to pull a few strings to get back to Germany. She got a job as night manager of the NCO Club and I was gone a lot to the East German Border or Grafenfere or some other traing. Well, it firnally happened, she met a guy and that was then end of our marriage and our sons were with us and saw how she had changed. I had a mental and nervous break down and sent to the hospital in Frankfurt Germany nut ward for a month or so then sent right back but restricted to the barracks. That was pretty good, an E-8 restricted to the barracks. Anyway in the end I was offered a General Courts Martial or retire, so I retired and came back to N.C. and she went to Kentucky with our sons, the daughter had already married and in Hawaii. After the divorce, which she requested, I met and married my current wife, 21 years 6 July, and I told her about my need to dress etc. She was fine with it for about 9 years then intersest faded away. So did my dressing. About 5 months ago I purged, everything wigs, breast forms clothes just everything went to the dump. Now here I am starting again to be the person I am inside and trying to not worry about what people think or say. I don't know what my EX told our kids, but I remember in one agrument in Germany she called me a faggot in front of my sons. I don't know what she has told all of them since our break up, but I have not heard from any of my kids since the divorce. Her Dad and I were close for he was an Army carreer man too and through him talking on the phone etc, he told mas of about 2 years ago I had 9 grand sons. He passed away last year, God rest his soul, and I miss himvery much. I will stop boring you now, I only hit what I thought was the high lights for there is much more to my story. I am just an old 63 year old CD looking for friends in the same boat. I really like this web site and ALL of you sisters on here are special in this world.

[SilverLady(SO)]

Hi, Vickie, and welcome to the Forum!

Ah, a fellow native Michiganian . . . ain't it great? I was born in Detroit, raised in Warren, and lived in the Pontiac/Waterford area for several years before moving out of the state. Yeah for Maize and Blue!!

Sorry to hear about the ex-wife and kids . . . hopefully they'll realize they need to hear both sides of the story, not just that from 'mom.' If not, then it's their loss not to know their father and Vickie.

We look forward to your participation, so don't be shy!

- SL

[Vickie P]

Thank you for the warm welcome, SL. You are right about their loss, for you see after I got away from the army and the pressures of my leadership position etc, after a couple of years the only thing I let bother me was hearing from my kids and when I was going to dress again and go out. I do get down on holidays and their birthdays but I recover and carry on, I guess the worst is the fact that I'm getting older and never been with my grand kids. Anyway back to life. When I started getting to dress and let Vickie out of the closet she came out flying. I even told my step daughter mainly for one reason, when she came home she just walked in so I did not want to surprise her and told her about my dressing. She was and still is supportive, more than her mother I do believe. She and I and then her Mom started borrowing each others clothes, of course that was back when I could wear a size 10. After I quit dressing back in 97 or so, I just let myself go and now I'm up to 197 or so but want so much to get back down and be more womanly again. Around 1997, I went to my doctor, a female, and asked her about going on hormones to increase my breast size, she agreed after I told her I had been to a behavior counselor and I started on Premarin. After about4 years and incresed doseages, I did gain a little but stopped and jsut started on Blackcohosh etc for a couple of years. My wife had been in agreement about the whole thing.In the end I can wear a 38-40 B cup but I also know there is some fat there too but the shape of my breast is female. My step daughter and the counselor both told me the same thing, "be yourself, don't worry about what other people say". It is easier said than done because my wife never got comfortable enough for me to let others know about Vickie. When I was a member of KAPA BETA 1988- 1996, I made every meeting and dressed at home and drove the 30 miles to Charlotte and back. I even went shopping dressed and alone and never had any prblems. I met some real nice sales ladies and girls in Sears and Dress Barn, oh those were the days. I have wanted so much to meet other sisters around here, and I know they are out there, and get together with them here in my home or theirs, but my wife has never been an out going person and is very private. Not that she is a snob but just very, very shy around strangers, just an old country type girl, and I am still trying to find a way around that. Now about dressing. I only have a few nighties, panties and bras right now but will build up my wardrobe again. I had at least 8 wigs to include a nice blonde human hair wig, about 20 pairs of panties, 15 bras, 5 bathing suits, bikinis and 1 piece, dresses, skirts, blouses, thigh highs, panty hose, busties, you name it and I had it and then like I mentioned earlier, about 5 months ago out of guilt etc, like a fool I threw it all away along with my magazines, Lady Like, TG Now etc, and shredded all of my pictures of Vickie. I mentioned my desire to increase my bust, not because of wanting to be woman, but I have always wanted breast like a woman, and yes for those GGs that read this I have had a mamogram years back because of a lump in my right breast my doctor found. I know what you go through during the exam and I agree it is not fun, so Vickie has experienced at least 1 real female thing in life. Like many of our sisters I will admit that I have had my bi fantazies, but never acted on them and doubt that I would, I just want to dress and express myself, the woman inside of me for 63 years now. There is a lot more things that happened in my life that may go along with my fem side, but won't go into it now for I have written a lot here and I know you're bored. So in closing, I do hope to hear from mor of my sisters. With Love Vickie.

[Kay]

Hi Vickie
Just a quick welcome from me across the pond . the girls (CD,GG.SO and anyone else I've missed ) are a wonderful bunch, all different. That makes this forum just the best place to be for all of us.
I hope you get to like it here,
Kay

[Vickie P]

Thank you Kay for the welcome. It is kind of odd hearing from someone from the UK. The reason I say this is my ex's mother was from Manchester. I also met a UK soldier the first time I was in Germany with the same last name I have and my family originated from the Scot Irish clans from the mid 1700's. Anyway thanks for the welcome and I do know there are some nice sisters here to talk with.

[KimberlyS]

.... but my wife has never been an out going person and is very private. Not that she is a snob but just very, very shy around strangers, just an old country type girl, and I am still trying to find a way around that.

Vickie, my wife is also a shy person and very much so a home body not much for going out. What helped her to get out the first time with me enfemme is we/I (she said I was to make all the plans) planned a weekend outing for the two of us. To make it easy we decided it was to be out of town and away from those we knew. Large metropolitan area 6+ hrs from home, Minneapolis/St Paul, MN. I planned a tentative agenda with many, many options with most being things she liked to do. Many more options than we could possibly do. I made it clear agenda was changeable at any time with all things being optional except the weekend and some dressing in the room.

First day she surprised me with hers and his manicure/pedicures. It seemed more like a test to me since I would be in male mode. But it went smooth with giggles from the gals in the shop on putting color on a male, and some comments from other store SA's on the nice color I had on, that my wife gave me a growling look about. We had supper out with some other CD/couples we had met at SPICE, and the next day spent 6+ hours looking at antiques and some other shopping including the Mall of America. We finished the weekend with supper with me back in male mode. Most of the list we did not do that weekend. But have done many since then.

kimberlys-cd
joe in a skirt

[Vickie P]

Hi Kimberly, and thank you for your input. Back around 1989 or so, while I was amember of KAPA BETA, (local CD group), my wife made a couple of meetings together. During the meetings sometimes the wives would have their own meeting and we sisters would have ours. Then we would all get together at a restuerant for dinner. This was all done at a motel in Charlotte. I think the best feeling I ever had was 1 night after we checked into our motel room, my wife and I both started getting ready, getting our shower, etc, then came to applying make up. There we were, 2 girls using the same big mirrior and make up getting ready for a night out together so to speak. Our jobs had us at different hours so she couldn't be with me except for a cou[ple of times. It was those times that I would dress and get al ready at home then drive the 35 miles to Charlotte for the meetings and not get a motel room. You see, 1 of the big reasons my wife felt odd is her education. Most of the wives there were very well educated as were their husbands, but on my part I didn't let that bother me. So in the long run my wife didn't get the chance to really mingle with the other wives and get to know them and talk with them about all this CDing stuff. Since about 1995 or so, I started feeling uncomfortable dressing around my wife cause I could see it made her feel uncomfortable. So over the years all this has taken a toll on my dressing and her being able to try to understand my need to dress and be my real self and not feel bad about it. When we were both working during 1988-95, she was on 2nd shift and I was on 1st, I used to be Vickie 100% and completely clean house for her from top to bottom. I always have helped clean house etc, and still do, but I don't dress for it. Her daughter used to come over and vist at times while I was cleaning and keep me company and my dressing didn't bother her for lots of times she would borrow something of mine to wear out on a date. She still tells me that I shouldn't put off dressaing for it is no one else's bussiness and she thinks nothing is wrong with it. I have hoped over the years I could get my wife to talk with her daughter about my dressing but my wife won't hear of it. Anyway, I have almost gotten to the point to where I could care less what my wife or anyone else thinks for I am 63, not getting any younger, and to be free to do as I please, but then I don't want to ruin my marriage either. So I guess itr is a "Catch 22 ". Sorry for being so long winded, you know how we girls like to talk, (ha ha), so I will close for now, thanks again for the advice and take care and best wishes to you and your wife. Your Sister, Vickie

[KimberlyS]

Vickie, while your wife does not want to talk about it, have you tried at least to set up times that worked for both of you so you can get to dress. There does not have to be much of a discussion about it other that setting up a period of time that you can have some personal time. If she wants to be there then that is her choice. If her daughter is still around maybe you could work with her to work in some femme time. Like her taking your wife out some where or over to her place for the day.

While my wife has been out with me and I can dress around her she still does not like my CDing. And yes I know what you mean about that uncomfortable look from your wife. I under dress on a daily basis. And while my wife knows it I can see her comfort level seeing it can vary a lot. So I tend to work my getting dressed and undressed around her and what she is doing and where she is at.

[JoAnnDallas]

Vickie......before my wife decided to accept my CDing, we had an arrangement where I had a Saturday afternoon for me to be able to dress all I wanted to and even go out if I wanted to. At that time she did not want to see me dressed at all. That has all changed since she decided to accept my CDing.
See if you can talk to her and see if the two of you can come to a similar agreement.

[Vickie P]

Thanks very much JoAnn for tor the concern and suggestions. You see, my wife hasn't said anything about me wearing panties all the time, or panties and nighties to bed, or my bras for a couple of hours 1st thing in the morning, but if I bring up the subject of dressing period like I used to do, she starts turning cold toward the idea. I would like to have the time alone to do as I please, but she is so depending on me to be with her all the time. The idea of her daughter and her spending time together and me dressing, well, her daughter is always busy with her boyfriend and hasn't got the time. The only times I have had some time alone is far and few in between. One is once or twice a year the daughter may go to the beach for the weekend or sometimes the wife might go to visit her sister in S.C. for a weekend or week but that has changed too for the sister's son is living with her now and my wife would not have a place to sleep. If I mention the fact I would like to go to the mountains to do some fishing alone, she gets upset and wants to go too. So as you can see she is always wanting me to be right there. So since she has cold feelings these days about me wanting to dress around the house, the opportunity is not there. We are both retired and with the price of things it is even harder to just up and rejoin the CD group that I belonged to for the price of gas, and motel room and eating out etc, would be a problem. Anyway I appreciate all the ideas and caring you have put into my situation and I'm glad there are sisters like yourself on this forum I can talk to and that is only in the mornings before she gets up cause she don't like for me to be on the computer a lot. Thanks again and take care of yourself, your sister Vickie