What we see???

[Virginia]

I know you will all be honest in your response to this and I hope you will take a few minutes to ponder your response before you write it. This is not meant to hurt any one's feelings it will just be interesting to see (hopefully) not to broad a range of responses!

I will set the stage: You are out "en drab" at, oh could be a WalMart or a big department store of even a mall. You see "a sister" er' one of us. She is nicely and appropriately dressed, but something, in your own observation of her, gives her away. Maybe her walk, her mannerisms, her physical stature, something about her just says, "crossdresser" or maybe "pre-op," something. Very few others even pay her any attention (as is usually the case anyway) but you "read" her in spite of her best efforts. She does not see you and you do not approach her but just observe.

Question? What is the first, second or even third thing that goes through your mind? Be honest but also think about your response before you write it.

Thanks and all responses will go no further than this forum !

Love,

Virginia

[DonnaT]

First would be "Lucky girl". She's out and about and doesn't appear to give a hoot who knows what.

Second would be, should I talk to her?!

And third would be, an answer to No. 2, NO! She may have felt scared to go out, and may be feeling good about no one appearing to notice. To talk to her may ruin her day.

[Kay]

Just what I was thinking. As one who isn't out there yet with Donna
Kay

[JoAnnDallas]

I would think "Good for you girl". I have from time to time come across other "Sisters" out in the public. I think since we are CDer's we can spot the little details that most of the public do not pick up on. Only once did I see a sister that I classified as "A man in a dress". She did have very masculian features and you could see the beard shadow clearly. It was Halloween time at one of the Theme Parks in FL. Not 100% positive it was a CD or just a guy in custome, but she was dressed very well, not what I would have called a custome. The fact that no one seem to notice her made me think, "Good for you sis".

[Carol Ann]

First I would just smile and say to myself "you go girl".

Second I would give her a good looking at as to her dress etc.

Third I would NEVER say a word to her unless I know her personally as in another member of a support or another CDer I knew.

I believe we all deserve love and respect from one another

[Lydia]

I join Donna and Carol Ann.

Admire first - but don't approach or comment.

At least that is what I would prefer to happen if I were out, dressed.

Hugs,

Lydia

[Marjory]

Hi Virginia,
Standing in line to exchange a cell phone a women in the next line stood out. A careful examination by me said "crossdresser". My very first thought was "I like her outfit". My second thought was "how brave she was". I think the only reason I could tell was because I know what to look for.
Yesterday my wife and I went to a local thrift shop, I'm a photographer and am always looking for props. There was a man going through the women's shoe rack, then the skirts and blouses. Shopping for his wife?????. There are more of us than they think!!!!

[Sunshine Girl(SO)]

Hiya..

Been there...Done that...Got the T-shirt...

I've noticed several sweethearts in public. Maybe I've seen more, but they just passed better and I didn't notice. This topic has come up quite often over the years on several forums.

I kinda feel women "see" more than men do. But are not likely to say anything. Guys just don't notice details. (Mmmm... new hair-do... new dress... and most hubbies are clueless...lol) But women just by nature seem to notice the details.

So back to the question, what do I do?

Yes, I approach her. If I feel she is confident with herself, then I'll just make small talk. Like current sales at so-and-so's or whatever. Maybe a "Where did you get that top!" type of thing. You know, just girl stuff.

But if the poor thing is struggling with the situation, then I will still slip over to her and say something like, "You go Girl!", and quietly slip away.

I HOPE both of these responses are a kind of reinforcement of where she is at in life. Just to let her know that there are people out there that are on her side.

If I'm doing wrong, please let me know, okay?

Just my thoughts,
Sunny

[Marjory]

Hi Sunny,

I was an analytical chemist for many years so I have an eye for detail + I think CDers are more likely to notice things like large hands, adams apple,really big feet etc. Also the angle of a women's arm is different then a man's. I think you're right though, on the whole, guys miss a lot.

Marjory

[Sunshine Girl(SO)]

Hiya Marjory...

I guess we all have our field of expertise.

When entering a stall in the restroom, most will notice the unflushed urine in the bowl and think, my, how crude. My first thoughts would be that they were slightly de-hydrated and better check with their uroligist about their bladder infection.

Sunny RN ICU CCU

[Marjory]

Hi Sunny,
Very good. I was a volunteer paramedic for 10 years and was supposed to retire as an RN in Nova Scotia(1 year school left UMDNJ) Used to volunteer in the ER mostly cleaning up. Instead I wound up in CA married to my HS sweetheart and remained a chemist. Thats life>

Marjory

[Carla L]

Sunshine,

I love your response. Although I would answer differently, i'll explain.
First thought, like other responses here is:
1) You go girl! Glad to see you out.
2) I would not approach her at all, thinking of myself here, if a man were to approach me my first thought would be ("Oh my gosh, I'm made. I hope he is not hitting on me.")
3) Third, I would really try to pick up on the things that made her. What did she do right or wrong so I could try to 'fix' or hide those things.

Now to your response regarding approaching her. I've been out numerous times and some of the best times I've had is visiting the MAC counter for makeup at Macy's. The girls there, also one guy who works there, are extremely helpful and we can talk and laugh. If a woman approached me, I would welcome the comments, suggestions and even accept some criticism on what I did right or wrong. I would welcome it, good and bad.

[Sally]

I suppose it's a bit different for me than it is for many of us, but if I'm in a position to, I always make an approach when I spot a 'sister', but, then as I said, it's different for me because the situation to passers by is just of two women conversing.

My personal opinion is that if someone has the confidence to go out in public then they'd be likely to welcome an approach from someone of the same ilk. Those of us who frequently mix with 'sisters' well know how enjoyable the company and conversation is with someone who is 'on the same wave length'. It in itself can be invaluable therapy for some people.

I can honestly say that in all the times I've approached and conversed with someone in the situation we're referring to, I've always been made welcome to chat. The person has never rejected my approach and on the majority of occaisons it's been a most enjoyable experience for us both, even on the occaisons I've been in the company of my wife.

My experience has been that there are many of us out there screaming out for recognition and acceptance, and if we make a friendly approach in the correct manner in most cases we'll be welcomed with open arms.
How many times have we heard it said, or read about it where someone says, " I just wish I could talk about it with someone, with someone who understands and won't reject me."

I'm an avid believer in taking the time to try and make other people happier, because before anyone can make anyone else happy, they first have to be happy in their own skin. I believe that if we find we aren't comfortable with making friendly approaches to 'members of our global family', then, being who we are, what chance do we have with befriending the community at large?

Kind Regards,

Sally.

[ChristineK]

I'm still in the scared to go out mode! I did see a lady at Walmart once and pointed her out to the spouse, My wife was not of any upset, This lady looked good but it was obvious due to musculature that it was a man. I so want to be what she is that I could do nothing but drool in awe at her courage. I thought about saying something but could not think of the words that due justice to her underlying beauty.

[Anita]

They fascinate me when I see one out and about. And this is so even though it is no novelty to be around trangendered women in general.
If you go to a meeting, or a convention, you'll see lots of us, no big deal. There's something about seeing one of us out in the wild, so to speak--we're rare out there.

When I see a TG girl, I’m curious as to how comfortable the she is in her surroundings. I notice how much or how little she’s scanning people around her. Of couse her ‘look’ is always of interest to me. Where is she on that spectrum? One gal I saw walk into a Big box store was very well dressed; she was very tasteful. But her outfit was also what intially tipped me off; she was just too formal for Target or whatever.

I find T-girls attractive if I’m in male mode. If I’m in woman-mode myself, then that reaction just isn’t there in the same way. (Anita shrugs her shoulders) I feel very protective of other Ts when I’m girlmode myself—that’s why I was surprised to find myself with a T-girlfriend from my very own support group. But she and I spent 4 years playing “getting to know you.”

It’s even rarer for me to run into another CD when I’m also dressed, but it happened once. We were both in the grocery store. When we happened on the same aisle, she shrunk past, and wouldn’t look at me. Don’t know what that was about.