My SO flipped out again! Can't get the hint.

MsJoann · Post by **MsJoann** » Tue Jun 10, 2008 8:00 am

I guess it's pretty-common thing perhaps among us. Does your SO really know the extent of your dressing?
After her seeing (some) of my clothes, pocketbooks, and me dressing in women's clothing on a daily basis....she flips out after seeing pictures of me on my computer?
I understand that it is a shock-factor for her to see that I am living a secret life....no matter how many times she sees those pictures. (this happened 6 months ago).
She cools off quickly and I have been telling her that she needs to understand more of this..if only she'll let me explain it. Part of it is her wanting the man of her dreams and not another woman.
I guess the time has come to where we need a good sit-down discussion. At this point, she is tired of asking "why" and is equally tired of my old excuse of either a middle age crisis, or, working around press wash for over 30 years.
I've taken baby steps with this for over 6 years now with her and I'd like to hear how some of you other ladies have handled these probable similar situations with your SO.
ps...she did apologize for being ignorant to all this.

MsJoann · Post by **MsJoann** » Tue Jun 10, 2008 8:02 am

Oh yeah....she did say that I did not make a very good looking woman.
That hurt.

JoAnnDallas · Post by **JoAnnDallas** » Tue Jun 10, 2008 8:29 am

Since my wife decided to accept CDing, she now knows that I have a Yahoo 360 web site, I am on the local Tri-Ess Yahoo site, I logon this site and two others, and have looked at all of my pictures. She has told me and I agree with her that I am not a bathing beauty, but neither do I look like a "Man-in-a-dress" when I am dressed. So she is not to concerned anymore. I think this was one of her fears when I first told her I was a CDer over a year ago. Same for my clothing. I think she had this image of how all CDer's dressed, but now she sees that I do not dress that way and that most CDer do not dress the way she thought. She has never said but I think she thought all CDers dressed like a over-the-top Drag Queen, talked like them, and acted like them.
At first she did not want to see me dressed, now she does and even took a picture of me dressed, so hopefully in the near future, she will agree to go out shopping with me fully dressed.

Carol Ann · Post by **Carol Ann** » Tue Jun 10, 2008 8:38 am

Hi MsJoann,
Only took a second to pick out a word in your post as it just jumped up and slapped me

.

Press wash, 40+ years as an offset operator, our sister Jeannie has her own shop.

MsJoann · Post by **MsJoann** » Tue Jun 10, 2008 9:18 am

Ahhh...printers who crossdress! Can't get any better than that!
I've ran my own shop for 30 years now, and you know what that means don't ya?.... I get to dress any way I want every day! Yay!
I remember a press mechanic telling me back in '74 that "Printers are whacky people". LOL! (he was right)

SilverLady(SO) · Post by **SilverLady(SO)** » Tue Jun 10, 2008 9:26 am

Uh, oh, looks like our Jeannie is going to have some competition, er, company, in the dressing, cooking, and printing departments! In addition, you're both in Connecticut!

This oughtta be fun . . . think I'll grab a

or maybe some

, sit back, and watch!!

*Hugs*

- SL

MsJoann · Post by **MsJoann** » Tue Jun 10, 2008 9:59 am

Yes.....we'll see who can maintain a 4 point squeeze.

Post by **DonnaT** » Tue Jun 10, 2008 10:22 am

MsJoann wrote:At this point, she is tired of asking "why" and is equally tired of my old excuse of either a middle age crisis, or, working around press wash for over 30 years.
I've taken baby steps with this for over 6 years now with her and I'd like to hear how some of you other ladies have handled these probable similar situations with your SO.

I printed off evidence of research for her to read. The research indicated how we were born (genes/hormones) this way. Thus it's not a matter of choice at being transgendered.

Sunshine Girl(SO) · Post by **Sunshine Girl(SO)** » Tue Jun 10, 2008 1:03 pm

Hiya Donna...

I totally agree with you. People are born with black hair, brown hair, blonde hair and red hair... and ALL shades in-between! They grow up to be short, tall, and again, all sizes in-between!

So why would gender be any different? Because it doesn't fit into their little boxes?

Society should come to accept that gender has a full range, from totally masculine to totally feminine... and all the in-betweeners...

Let each person decide where they belong on the gender scale.

Just my thoughts,
Sunny

Virginia · Post by **Virginia** » Tue Jun 10, 2008 8:49 pm

Yea!!!!!! Sunny!!!!!

Thank you! Thank You! Thank You!!!!!

You get it !!!!!!

Love ya!!!!!!!

Virginia

Hailey · Post by **Hailey** » Fri Jun 13, 2008 8:34 pm

I always wondered about the effects of printers ink. I grew up with it, family business and all. I started putting paper tags in the stacks at every ream, when I was in 5th grade. At that time, .50 cents an hour was big money.
I've operated the following offset presses...
AB Dick 360 Chain Delivery, AB Dick 350 w/Sandmar envelope feeder. Multilith 1250. Hand fed letter press(loved that one), A 48 inch cutter, etc. etc.
For a minute I thought I was back at the dinner table durring the Holidays.

CJ · Post by CJ » Sat Jun 14, 2008 3:47 am

Hi all,

Hmmm... it's not my intention to rain on anyone's parade here, but I'm not quite sure how a "we-have-scientific-proof-that-were-born-this-way" or a "let-each-person-decide-where-he-or-she-fits-on-the-gender-scale" approach will help Joann's wife cope with the fact of Joann's "secret self." While these are matters of principle (principles to which Joann's wife may choose to give rational assent or not), the feelings and emotions which are stirred up in this situation are what need to be dealt with here. While it may be clear to Joann's wife that "this" will not go away (and is beyond Joann's ability or even desire to control), it may be much harder for her to manage how Joann's transgenderedness makes her feel, as both a wife and as a woman.

I'm thinking that perhaps there are many SOs out there who feel somewhat cheated for having bought into the notion of WYSIWYG (What You See Is What You Get) where their relationship is concerned. The naked truth is, I think, that almost nobody gets what they see when they enter a relationship. As you get to know your spouse better--as each gradually opens up to the other--you enter the land of marital accommodations in the form of psychological compromises and emotional negotiations. We're not talking science, here, or social rights and freedoms, we're talking feelings. And, as we all know, feelings seldom tolerate being dragged into the light of reason.

The trick is this, Joann: seek to establish a line of communication with your wife that is at least healthy and honest enough for the two of you to determine whether or not the "marital accommodations" mentioned above can include the possibility of her accepting this part of who you are or if, on the other hand, your transgenderedness (and your wife's unwillingness or inability to accept that transgenderedness) will be the basis for an irreconcilable difference. In a situation where WYSIWYG is well-nigh impossible, there's no shame in admitting that, as things turn out, we're often faced with irreconcilable differences. It may also very well be that, depending on your moral or religious viewpoint, it takes a certain type of determination to plod along in a marriage or relationship that brings no one happiness. Personally, I don't think this can work too well for very long. It's not courage that is the better part of the kind of valour needed for successful "marital accommodations," but, rather, emotional honesty and, especially, self-honesty.

I have, unfortunately, no specific recommendations for you, Joann. Some people will advocate the "baby steps" approach, others the "in-your-face" technique, and still others something altogether different. Only you can determine what will likely work well in your case. If anything at all. I'll only suggest that, however you proceed, do so with tolerance, forbearance, and compassion. Both towards your wife as well as towards yourself. I wish you well, sister.

Love,
CJ

MsJoann · Post by **MsJoann** » Sat Jun 14, 2008 9:26 am

Thanks for the input CJ. It's certainly going to be a long road for me. She is old-school and needs some education regarding this. Mostly I understand her needs of having her man.
She is beginning to realize that there many, many of "us" out there than she was aware of. That in itself helps lighten her misunderstandings.

MsJoann · Post by **MsJoann** » Sat Jun 14, 2008 9:34 am

For Hailey.....
I've owned and operated the following equipment:
3 Multi 1250's, 1 Multi 1850, Royal Zenith 25 s/c, Miehle 29 s/c, 2 Heidelberg TOK, 1 Heidelberg GTO s/c, Heidelberg Printmaster 2/c.
Other equipment...Morisawa Composition, CompSet 500, 3 Varityper 5810's, Vertical Camera, C&P 10x15, Heidelberg Windmill, Miehle Vertical.
Sorry it's a bit off the main topic but I had to sneak it in.

Miss Robyn · Post by **Miss Robyn** » Sat Jun 14, 2008 11:57 am

MsJoann, I'm only 19 and single, so I can't help with that, but I hope your SO does get educated and supports you.

Also I am also guilty, I went to school for graphic design, and we worked on an old AB Dick, and a newer 1 color press. I was good with all the printing and stuff but I couldn't make the grade so I joined the military. I still hope to finish up my degree.

Miss Robyn

Crossdressers-Haven.com

My SO flipped out again! Can't get the hint.

My SO flipped out again! Can't get the hint.

Re: My SO flipped out again! Can't get the hint.