Am I Just Cynical???

[JoAnnDallas]

When I first started going out where other people would see me dressed, I feared that at any moment someone was going to start pointing fingures and yelling "Tranny". After a while I came to the conclusion that

1. If I go out and nothing happens, great I passed that time
2. If someone reads me but does nothing about it, great I passed that time too. I would not know if they read me or not.
3. If someone reads me and either winks or smiles at me to let me know that they read me but otherwize does nothing, great I passed that time too.

I have come to the conclusion that as long as no one bothers me and treats me with the respect of the gender I am presenting, it does not matter if that person read me or not, I passed.

[Kandis]

JoAnnDallas,

I don't believe I could have said it any better myself. It shouldn't matter if you are read or not. Go out, have a good time, and don't get into trouble.. well, too much trouble anyway.

[Jennifer M]

I agree with what JoAnn has said and said very well.Its been about 4 years since I have been out.When I did I know I was being read but no one ever said anything negative to me. It may have bothered me if they had but I think I am getting past that and may soon be confident enough to go out again.I gain a little stregth and knowledge from the threads I read here,and I read them all.I beleive that is the point of posting.To get support when it is needed and to learn from and keep growing.Then hopefully to come out of the closet (again for me) and to join our sisters and to just be.

[Sally]

In many instances when people post of their experiences regarding 'being read', or their ventures out onto the public stage when dressed, or what they wore or are wearing at any given time, then they're just using a forum for the purposes it was intended.

So many people don't have another person with whom they can discuss this intimate side of their personality, so I feel that even though we may see the same details repeated over time, we have to realise that if someone takes the time to elaborate on how they're feeling or a particular experience, then it was important to them at the time, and for many people it's important and necessary to have a release. Over the years I've listened to many people of our ilk express their desire to have someone with whom they could task things over with, and this being more common than people may think. I believe forums such as this one fill a huge void in many peoples lives. This is the only forum of this type which I participate in or read, so I can't comment on the content of any others.

I realise that life for many of us can be stressful, so those of us who can move about in public at ease without 'being read' or subjected to unwanted criticism, are indeed fortunate, maybe even blessed, but having said that, we always have to 'work' within our limtations, and never allow our ambitions to get ahead of the reality.

Kind Regards,

Sally.

[CJ]

Hi all,

You can fool some of the people some of the time.

You can't fool all of the people all of the time.

Fools will mock those who are wise enough to live their lives authentically.

The opinions of fools ought not to matter to you.

Don't fool yourself; life really is short; just live.

Love,
CJ

[Absaroka]

Good topic with good thoughts.

It reminded me of something I saw a very long time ago. A woman (GG) was accused by someone of being a guy in drag. She'd been drinking too much and got very upset, started yelling and finally pulled her dress up and her panties down to prove her point. The reason it stuck in my mind is that although I did not make the comment and have no idea who did ( I didn't actually hear it) my date and I were the ones she launched her tirade to.

So here's a good perspective. If it bothers you being read, think how much it would bother a GG to be falsely read.....

Absaroka

[KimberlyS]

Ditto me on that JoAnn I agree with you and I am similar. Well put.

kimberlys-cd
joe in a skirt

[MsJoann]

I don't think that in our lifetime we will ever see acceptance of our other sides. That nasty stigma is still attached to crossdressers and is out there.
However, I have had good luck with a few genetic ladies only because they have liked my personality way before they knew me as a crossdresser.
Once they saw me dressed, I was still okay and we interacted just as usual.

[KimberlyS]

I don't think that in our lifetime we will ever see acceptance of our other sides.

Joann, Acceptance is never complete even when mandated by law. Some people still think the South should have won the civil war and the blacks should still be slaves.

I think we have come along way towards acceptance/tolerance of CD/TG/TS's. And gaining the first acceptance is the hardest. For myself I am not "out" even though I get out and about. So I guess you could say those that I am trying to present a decent view of who a CDer is, is to those I do not know. People in the general public.

I personally think we could get acceptance fast if the general public could see us in large numbers like at rallies. Rallies at State Capitals and Washington DC. But I do not see that happening any time soon with real numbers. Many are like me and it is not worth putting our families through the coming out. And many are satisfied just to CD at home or undress in some way. So I do not see showing the general public any time soon that we are a significant part of the population and we are their neighbors, family and friends. So I try to do some little part and do it one or small groups of people at a time hopefully showing them that as a CDer I am just an average person they know. I am hoping it will begin to snowball.

[Anita]

Kandis--
You got good replies to your venting. I do like JoAnn's take on it.

I know that I get treated differently when I'm dressed as a woman. Note that this 'treatment' may be both good and bad, but it's definitely different than the way I'm treated as a man.

So if I'm consistently getting this 'different treatment,' then I know that I'm causing people to see me in a different way. Most of it is favorable, so I'm being "rewarded" for my efforts.

Being rewarded for my efforts at presenting a gal is not the same as passing. And people treating me well does not automatically mean that they accept me, either. But I don't need to know what they think of me or how they see me; all I can know is whether I like the results. I do like most of what happens out there, so I'll continue to do it.

******
I'll note here: even the so-called "negative" things that can happen are interesting to me in gal mode; unexpected positive solutions can occur that would never happen to me in guy clothes.

[ChristineK]

Here is the answer!
Who cares! Be yourself Hon and F---em' if they don't like you. Everyone else gets to be themselves so why not us? Don't go to your grave making everyone around you happy at your expense. Throw them under the bus instead of yourself.
If your partner has a problem with it, show them the door and get a dog. Life is too short. Why stay with someone who makes you feel miserable? That makes no sense. Big hug.

Love
Auntie Jeannie

Now I knew this was coming from Jeannie

The tide is changing and things are changing but I am still in the closet to the world. I have not yet ventured out of the house in FEM. My Wife bought me an awesome purse so I told her she must be expecting us to go out. She bought me a teddy for my birthday.

[Kendra Lynn]

Hello all: My definition of "passing" is looking good enough so that I don't get teased or stand out.
This is important since I do not drive and must use public transportation.
So I'd say if the presentation is good and the CDer is not wearing outfits that would get attention even on a GG, than the CDer will be pretty safe.
Do I "pass"-- do I really look as if was born female? Well, some of the photos I've got look really good, some are borderline, and some... well... too much chin, masculine looking arms, etc. etc. Some outfits and wigs cover up or disguise those features better than others. And of course, with photos, the results depend on lighting, pose, the angle from the camera/photographer, etc. etc.
I do agree that it is possible to "blend in," since MOST people are just concerned with going about their daily business and are not likely to notice anything unless it really stands out. I also believe there are folks who do "read" me, but are too polite to say anything. On the other hand, I have also run into some sincere, polite questioners, among adults and children.
As some of you know, one of my favorite CDing activities is dressing as a cheerleader. It's impossible to "hide" in a bright, colorful, cheerleader outfit. But even then, I must look pretty good because I've only been badly teased on the D.C. METRO a few times.
I will NOT get on a bus when cross-dressed though, unless I'm with at least one or two other people (or in cooler weather, when I'll be more covered up and more likely to "blend in." ) On a bus, the other passengers can get a good look at you, and those of a mind to interact with a CDer in an uncomfortable way or more likely to do so.
Enough on this for now.
Hope everyone's enjoying their summer and not getting too hot!
Peace-- Kendra Lynn ("hippie cheerleader").

[Azurielle]

Somehow, I agree. I get read, but that lead me to fight more for the rights of men to wear any clothes they want than to fight for CDs.
I just don't feel that CDs sould be put into the same bucket as TSs when it comes to being read or not.

I feel that passing as female should be irrelevant, and that the wearing of female garments should be socially acceptable for anyone just like trousers.

I am male, and don't expect to change that until srs evolves to the point of true gender alteration. I don't wanna have to put on a façade simply to behave like the being I am on the inside, since that'll be but a mere mask. I long for a world where behaving and dressing to my heart's content will be the right thing to do no matter what I am.

TL;DR- Only TSs should become upset when they get read, because they long to be accepted as females.
CDers shouldn't mind being read, since they are only being seen for what they really are: Males who appreciate engaging in behavior and clothing associated with women.
Don't be upset about the truth! Embrace your nature and be at peace with yourself!

[ErinKaas]

I don't know if I pass or not. I know other CDs can't tell cause they already know who I am.
Thing is I don't really care if I pass. I look my best and if that is not good enough then I am not gonna fret. Only thing that bothers me is if I get some rude comments.
Sure I would love to "pass" but it just isn't worth getting upset over, I have done that in the past, almost be in tears cause I don't look as good as I wish.

There are some GGs that couldn't pass. (Take a trip to Walmart to see )

Some of the people shopping at walmart don't even pass as human.

[JoAnnDallas]

My wife and I have been going out with me fully dressed for over six months now. Like today, I am in JoAnn mode and we we WalMart, Builder square, and Marshels. At WalMart, I had to use the ladies room and no one in the ladies room seem to care or notice me. While in Builders Square, we addressed as ladies, and in Marshells, I used the Ladies changing room with no problems. Was I read at any of these places? I don't know. I was treated like any GG would be.
The only difference was when we were in Marshells and I was in the changing room. All of a sudden I heard some call out to JoAnn. I did not react at first, until I realized it was my wife calling me. LOL She had another pair of jeans she wanted me to try on.