I feel so bad sometimes
Hailey always wants me to put on her makeup, fix her hair, (an so on...) I don't even do this for myself. I'm not much of a girly girl. Me I could careless, but Hailey on the other hand has to have everything perfect. I know I have to teach her but will she ever catch on? Or I'm I the putz and this is her way of getting me to pay attention and participate. It takes me 15 minutes in the bathroom and takes her 2 hours and she's still calling my name to fix somethings. She starts her vacation tonight until Monday and by this time next week I'll be wishing my name was something else... LOL.
LOOKING FOWARD TO THE NEXT 5 DAYS
This topic has come up before. Not necessarily from the SO's participation but more from "our" perception of, shall I say, ?womanhood?
I am expressing only my opinion on this and if the GG's wish to drag my sorry a** of to the woodshed again, I guess I have no option, but here goes.
Some of us have an ingrained perception of what our, dare I say, "Ideal" woman looks like and for a lot of us, having "the gift," we try an attain that almost spiritual concept.
I once stated how I felt that women had sort of "let themselves" go and it stands out in for one example, the malls, how they dress or rather don't dress, little or no make-up, unkempt hair, flip-flops, clothes that just don't fit, sweat suits, and on and on!!! Well, one GG "splained it to me in these terms - "Take a look at the slob she is with!" All are guilty and we all stand to be judged.
Hailey, has a mental vision of what she wants to look like as does Virginia and Virginia will not "dress down" just to fit in. When I go out I do get examined by both GG's and guys because in most situations I am, shall I say, nicely or overly dress. Short skirt, nice blouse, heels, make-up, jewelery, kept hair and that is something that is not seen much, well at least around here so I do get looks and from the GG's it is usually a kind of "WELL,......... just who does she think she is?" and you can imagine what most of the guys are thinking.
This is where I think Hailey is coming from and in some relationships it can be threatening because we can look good when we are "fixed up!" The GG begins to wonder just who this other girl is and to what extent "she" is treading on the relationship! It is only natural and I guess from a GG's perspective could/would be tough to deal with. Some will see "her" as competition, others will see her as a challenge and try to compete, some even have to capacity to completely ignore it, while others think it is great to have a pretty girlfriend to go places with and get some looks and attention. Then there are those who can't begin to handle it and "throw up their arms and go running into the night!"
You have to be introspective and I would hope that Hailey would understand. How do you feel about Hailey and her wanting you to (as you said participate) or teach or just be the dutiful girlfriend and help with her make-up, dress and style!? You have to come to that conclusion on your own, we can only tell you the options, which you already know.
We would like to hear from you as to what you decide to do. Of course there is always the "throwing the hands in the air and running off into the night" option. Hopefully you won't choose that, but if you do there are a lot of other GG's that you will meet who chose that way!
Whatever you feel comfortable in doing, please sit down and discuss it with Hailey. Communication is the key factor!
Good luck, dear and please keep us informed as how this progresses.
Virginia
First star to the right, then straight on 'till mornin!
CarlyAnn, tell Hailey this if you have not already. IMHO, unless a SO wants to be doing it all of the time, it should be the CDer that should be responsible to learn to do their own makeup. The amount of participation of the SO should be up to the SO and not the CDer.
CarlyAnn (SO) wrote:....She starts her vacation tonight until Monday
Sounds like time for Hailey to practice makeup on her own.
kimberlys-cd
joe in a skirt
Just trying to find a balance for my family and myself.
Standard disclaimer: Going out of the house was right for me, it may or may not be right for you. If you've got no desire to leave the house, that's fine, I'm not trying to push you out the door. But for those who've been yearning to do so, I just want to let you know the world may not be as scary a place as you think.
Site Administrator
I am a physically male person that likes to wear feminine clothes at times.
Just trying keep a balance for my self along with keeping my wife and kids in mind.
Make a stencil out of paper, place the stencil over the face of the person having the make up done. Then spray the appropriate colors through the cuts in the stencil, this will make doing make up that much more faster.
Or better still, buy your SO one of those teen mags that show teens how to do make up. If teens can learn from these mags then anyone can.
Your SO probably just wants you to participate in the make up ritual, because doing make up is quite easy to learn.
I would suggest a year's gift subscription in her name to any femme magazine and/or a trip to Merle Norman for a makeover and/or the business card of a local TG-friendly Mary Kay representative. Any / all of these should be coupled with a strong suggestion that it's her personal responsibility to learn makeup techniques and practice, practice, practice. The more practice she gets, the more skilled and quicker she'll become.
And Goddess bless you for being a great SO who cares.
As some of my sisters here have said, it might be a good idea for Hailey to try this stuff with minimal input from you.
The truth is, I've hardly ever heard of an MtF CD who was completely satisfied with his image... there's always an inch that could be added to heel height, or a seam to be straightened, or a touch more lip gloss to be applied. It never ends. I'm not saying this is Hailey, necessarily; I'm saying it's many of us that have this need and desire to pass who are "guilty" of this.
Participate at your own discretion. But recognize and respect your own limits as an SO. As always, don't be afraid to express how you feel to Hailey and be receptive to Hailey's own feelings, as well.
Having said this, I hope the two of you enjoy the next few days.
My wife is like CarlyAnn. She does not spend a lot of time getting ready in the mornings. Also she does not help me with my makeup. She will give me tips and point out something that does not look correct, but it is up to me to do the application and/or repairs.
I agree Hailey needs to start learning how to do her own makeup and/or repairs.
As for dress, I don't go out in sweats and flip-flops. I will go out with capries, t-shirt, and slides on but they are tasteful in style. I am taking three Consecutive Fridays off in August. Wife said I could dress all three days of one of the three weekends. I plan on that Friday, dressing in a nice skirt/blouse/heels combo, Saturday in a dress/heels, and Sunday in a Pant Suit/heels.
Carlyann you sound a lot like my wife, which is the highest praise I could possibly give you. She devotes minimal time to these things and looks pretty good doing it.
In general Hailey needs to learn to do these things herself and your husband also needs to respect your boundaries as well.
I am a big fan of something Helen Boyd said about this. If the CD really wants to get in touch with his inner woman, why doesn't he do the dishes while his spouse relaxes?
I've been reading Kate Bornstein's book Gender Outlaw. Slow going and more boring than I would have expected. I am often unclear as to what she is actually saying, but her is my interpretation in regards to this. Gender exists between the ears more than anywhere else. (if there is any such thing. I suspect I would disagree with her about this in that I think there is) So when a cder insists some female help him at length with his appearance he is exercising male privilege. Or more briefly, the cder who insists his wife indulge him past her point of comfort is really expressing his male side, not his female side, which is the side that would be more concerned with supporting his spouse.
All this could get horribly complicated real fast. The key to be remembered is that there are two of you in this and that your needs are equal to his. Hang in there, you'll find your own unique way.
Absaroka
everything under the sun is in tune
but the sun is eclipsed by the moon
you for being a great SO who cares.
