Around 8 or 9 I imagined what it would be like to be a girl, and was disappointed when I realized that it was something that would never go beyond my imagination. I remember almost crying over that "reality". it was also a crashing blow for my childlike-imagination.
During puberty, I experimented with crossdressing as a sexual interest, and found more than just a sexual interest but something of a strange appreciation for it all.
Shortly after puberty I had convinced myself that I could potentially be intersexed... later on I eventually realized that it was simple teenage confusion. Somewhere after that I told my first boyfriend about my interests in crossdressing and he was both supportive and interested (if ya know what I mean)
Later in my early twenties/late teens (the friday after the 9-11 attacks) I came out to my mother as "not str8" outside of a gay bar that we both worked at doing lights and sound for a drag show. Within a month I was performing in drag myself.
About a year later I admitted to myself that it was more than just performance and shortly after that began living full time as Kayla.
a few years after that I quit doing drugs and found myself back in the closet
later I started doing drugs again and lost weight so kayla came back, simi-closeted...
I quit doing drugs again about 2 and a half years ago and got fat again which meant kayla back in the closet again...
I am now loosing weight again (slowly but surely) and regaining my confidence... this time without the drugs so it is a very special and personal thing to me...
so while all those times technically could be considered my beginnings... I would say right now... the last month or so has been my beginnings... me reaching out again trying to become part of communities and discover myself as a woman who is drug free
ok, so much for it not being long :p
