Today was my second night out, again at my men's support group. This time I wore women's black slacks, heels, a tight fitting pullover sweater along with makeup, pink scarf, and necklace with a red heart pendant. All in all, I felt pretty sexy (how I actually looked may have been another matter). Since it was the second time, it did not feel like a huge breakthrough for me, but I did feel, as before, very relaxed and grounded and very different than my male self.
This time all the guys talked about their projections on me. One saw me as his mother, since she wore similar clothing when he was young; another found me attractive; and another projected on to me his fear and shame of being wierd. And there were still other reactions I can't remember. Throughout the meeting I found myself half-consciously doing things women often do to make themselves noticed: playing with my shoes, fingering my scarf and hair; crossing and uncrossing my legs, trying to get some reaction (he he). Now, don't criticize me, girls. It's just a wonderful feeling to be the prettiest one in the room (not much of a contest being among all men). I was having fun with it. I was very comfortable because I have a longstanding relationship of trust with these men; and they're all men of high integrity. I also found myself speaking in a different voice; exuding a whole different energy, like before. It was just a very enjoyable experience.
And here's something I never planned. My own crashing through the barriers of fear and shame (within the context of that group) is helping many of them do the same with their own issues. I was surprised and gratified. Perhaps, it is a gift we t-girls can give to other men, if we are courageous and open (though my courage is exercised at this stage in a very limited venue).
Well, this is your newswoman Laura reporting! Good evening.
It`s so wonderful that your support group is so accepting. Please do keep posting these news reports. It`s wonderful to hear how well everything is going for you. 