Going out.

[Stephanie H]

The other day, I was with my sister and I posed her this question " Why is it that the gay community is more accepted than the transgender/crossdresser"
Her answer was we are not organized and we do not have an open community voice and dialog.
Do we all agree with this?

[Michelle Miller]

The finger pointers & and their perception of so-called "normality"... Someone might see a gay guy walking along, and while they may or may not set off their "gay-dar", all they're seeing is a familiar picture, male, in male's clothes(entirely dependent on the fashion sense of the person in question, of course)...when a tg/cd gets "read", it goes straight back to finger pointing and whatnot...simply because it's out in the open, for the world to see, in their face, whatever...

They're probably not thinking that way about the gay person, in that they don't have to deal with this person's "abnormality", it's more hidden, something that the finger pointer wouldn't have to deal with, because it's usually not out there, for the world to see....but I might be just talking gibberish here...

But as a whole, a community, yeah, the gay community has us beaten by a mile in terms of solidarity and general "all-togetherness".

[Kimberly Kael]

I think that's pretty accurate.

I also think a part of it stems from most of the transgendered community being able to more effectively hide their differences. It's a little tougher when you want to spend your life with a partner of the same sex - people tend to notice. Wearing feminine undergarments? Dressing in the privacy of your own home? It's too easy, and too tempting, to just hide in order to fit in.

In order for things to change more of us need to do what the pioneers of the gay rights movement have done. Be visible. Don't be ashamed of who you are. Show the world that you're a responsible, decent person that others can easily relate to once they get to know you. Once everyone has met a transgendered individual they respect, the problem disappears.

In the interim it's far from easy to face people who haven't had that first personal experience and aren't sure what to think ... but the really hard work has already been done. At this point there's enough media coverage that at least people are aware that we exist, there are a handful of role models, and laws to protect our lifestyle exist in many countries. Laws aren't enough to guarantee that we'll be treated fairly or with respect, so we need to use good judgement and avoid situations that could turn ugly, but they're a step in the right direction.

Now the question is: what will you do? How can you help advance the cause? If your job, your environment, or your family prevent you from being visible you can always donate to one of the organizations that is is committed to helping.

As for me, I'm out in public pushing the gender boundary every week and I make a point of being a friendly, positive representative of the transgendered community. I donated thousands of dollars to GenderPAC last year and I plan to donate even more this year. I'm pitching in to help organize Diva Las Vegas in 2009 because it was such an eye-opening experience.

[ErinKaas]

I don't really have money to donate as me and the missus are poor, but I am more-less out there, visible. Everyone I work with knows. People ask questions about CD's, and I give intelligent answers.

I do have a kid in school and that prevents me from being out as much as I would like [I don't want him to catch hell] but I do what I can.

[Virginia]

This is a tough one, probably the hardest to understand, especially when a lot of us don't understand it ourselves. As I see it society may not like and even completely understand why two people of the same sex can "enjoy each other's company." BUT they (society) for the most part now accepts it and one of the primary reasons was (as I an fond of saying), "they" the gays and lesbians were willing to bleed in the streets for their cause and they even garnered the support of some of the "straights." But having talked to some of those founders of the gay/lesbian rights that still have the scars and bruises from "being there" seem to always ask me the same question - "Where were you (sic) guys?"

We are like the proverbial "red-headed step child." GG's, it seems to me, in general have a much more difficult time getting their minds around "us."

OTOH, I think there are more of us than are willing to admit it. Repression, suppression, etc. can be strong deterrents. Sometimes I look at these super-macho, bearded, rednecks and wonder just how strong that "desire" is in them to make them go so strongly "in the other direction." Just what are they so afraid of?

In our own sorority, we have the "Continuum." Each of us have a place on it some are in flux and some are static and some are just passing through on their way to being who they feel they were born to be. We some times have trouble accepting even where our own sisters are coming from, or we don't even want to know.

We are making inroads into acceptance by society, but it is going to take time and we just are not going to bleed in the streets for our cause, it just ain't gonna happen, so it is going to take us a lot longer to garner the acceptance we seek. But, like the motto of this forum, "baby steps honey, just baby steps!"

Virginia

[Jeannie]

Hi ladies
Being Gay,a Lesbian, or bisexual is a piece of cake. Being a man in a skirt and heels is how should I say it"Whoaaaaaa!"
On the creepiness scale of one to ten for most people we are an eleven. If you count your spouse it's a 15.
I know what your saying Virginia. Just turn the tables ladies.
Lets say that you are an average male(I know that's a stretch for you girls but just try). You come home one night and there's your wife standing in the kitchen smoking a cigar, wearing a wife beater, fake beard and boxer shorts with a cucumber stuffed down the front drinking a Bud.
You say" Honey! What's goin' on!" She responds" I'm getting in touch with my masculine side." The next words out of your mouth are"WTF! Are you nuts!"
There are two sides to every story. That's life. I figure it could always be worse. Look on the brightside. Hugs.

Love
Auntie Jeannie

[Carol Ann]

There have been more and more TV programs , specials on crossdressing and transgender issue of the whats and why. I just don't believe the public is interest in who and what and WHY we are.
Biggest problem is nobody cares,

[Jennifer M]

I am going to have to disagree with Carol Ann(sorry Carol Ann).I think a lot of people do care.Those of us on this forum care because we want people to know the who,what and why of who we are.We dont want to be injured either physically or mentally for being true to ourselves.
Others must care when they see those of us brave enough to go out or they wouldnt have a reaction of any kind.

Someone must care or there wouldnt be specails on television or research
being attempted to come up with answers for any of this.The reasons that they care are not always positive but I feel it is still caring.I agree with Virginia,any acceptance will take baby steps and a lot of them.

[JoAnnDallas]

Since the time when my wife decided to accept my CDing and support me, we have talked about the possiblity of someone reading me and making a public fuss. We came to the conculsion that we would just carry along with what we were doing, (shopping, groceries, eating, ect) and if someone reads me but does nothing about it, I would just smile at the person and we would carry on. If someone does read me and decides to make a fuss, then I have the law on myside, at least here in Dallas, TX.

GLBT people don't normally go around and force GLBT issues on people. There are times to force it like the club here in Dallas that decided to ban TG people from that club because the owner felt they were a distraction. The GLBT community quickly ralled and started protesting in front of the club. As result this club started loosing money and patrons and the club across the street which supports the GLBT community saw a increase of over 30% in activity. It has been noticed that a few other clubs have quickly stated their support for the GLBT community. So the protest has had a positive impact. Even some of the local News outlets picked up on it and aired it. Even then it was aired with a positive approach. All of the protests have been peaceful and non-violent.

I feel we are slowly showing the public that there is nothing to fear from us. As we get more and more positive exposure, it will start to become just part of the atmosphere. It will take time as does any change like this does.

[Ann Stef]

Gays can walk down a street, attend an event and not be noticed. A CD poorly dressed is noticed, and there fore not in the same rhelm as a gay person.

[Amanda Barber]

Unlike the gay community, most crossdressers are hiding in their house, worrying about how they are unaccepted instead of getting out and actually living their lives, being who they are and demanding respect as a human being.
Most want it, but don't actually believe they deserve equality even on a personal relationship level (often accepting controling and abusive treatment in a relationship)nevermind a public level.

[Anita]

We really baffle people. They assume we're gay, too, and so we appear to be more "in your face" than other gay or lesbians. It's hard for us to hide who we are if we're actually out there in public, especially in the beginning stages. At the beginning, we do look like men in dresses, or we dress in provocative clothes and 4" heels.

Then you've got fulltime women who just blend in and go about their business, and that's a whole other world. So we complicate things by having more 'stages' than the average gay or lesbian.

I think the public sees us more as "forcing" our changes on them, and that's sad. But changing gender is more disruptive than being gay or lesbian. I say that partly because even gays and lesbians can have a hard time accepting transgender changes in people they love. If even they have a hard time with it, the general public REALLY has a hard time.