A Puzzlement

[Erin L]

A few years ago, I went on a business trip to Las Vegas and, while there, stopped at a Victoria's Secret and bought my wife several lovely items as a gift. Now, I will admit that part of the reason I did this was because I was buying some goodies for me, too, but she did not know this. When I got home, I gave her the gifts, and at first she seemed grateful. But about a week later, she got very angry and accused me of trying to dress her up "like some dress-up doll". Since then, her taste in underthings has been strictly utilitarian cotton. Not a stitch of nylon or lace in the whole batch. In fact, her taste in clothes, generally, trends heavily away from the frilly and feminine.

One of the things I deeply envy women for is their access to clothing that is so pleasingly soft to the touch. If I were a GG, my dresser would be bursting at the seems with everything from silky nylon panties to sexy thongs to lacy boyshorts. There are times I want to scream and say, "Don't you see what you are missing?"

I mean, there are times when I feel I have a better fashion sense than she does.

[Virginia]

Hi Erin,

Most of us here would totally agree with you. Most of us have an image of women, how they should look and dress, that they "take advantage" of the gift that they have. We are at a loss when we see or are confronted with most women who do not meet what our "ideal woman" should dress and look like. I guess the one thing that we over look is that when they roll out of bed in the morning and their feet hit the floor they are GG's and in most instances "see" the world they face in a different to very different perspective than we do, can or will understand.

We, as a majority, tend to dress and conduct ourselves in the image of the "perfect" woman that we have in our mind. This image varies among all our sisters here. You can even see that in the photo gallery and the wide diversity of presentations. Those of us who do go out among "the great unwashed" learn very quickly to try and "blend in" lest we be taken to task by not only GG's but idiot rednecks. If we make what is perceived to be a conscious effort to "blend in" even if we are "read" the repercussions are usually nothing more than a stare or a partially hidden giggle. Putting on a pair of 5" heels, a micro-mini, and sporting a set of "DDD's" and going to the mall, even if you can pass will illicit totally unwanted responses from everyone and it also reflects badly on us as well.

Several years ago, I went to an afternoon matinee, I wore a knee length some what tight gray wool skirt and a long sleeve white blouse with 3" heels. As I was leaving, standing in the aisle holding my coat over my arm I felt I looked like perhaps a secretary who may have just taken the afternoon off to see a movie. Two (ill-dressed somewhat over weight "ladies") sat watching folks leave. As I passed them they looked me over head to foot and one looked me in the eye and somewhat surly said, "Slut!" Well, I had initially thought! "damn, I passed --- ain't it great!?" When I posted this here on this forum - WOW!!! I was drug off to the woodshed soooooooooooo fast by several GG's - What a learning experience that was! GG's don't like being called "slut" gee, who would have imagined? -------- evidently not me!!!! Now I will admit I was "overdressed" for an afternoon movie matinee but I definitely did NOT look like a slut in any sense of the word, but because two GG's had expressed that opinion to me in no uncertain terms, it initially made me feel good, not thinking that I not only represented "us" but every GG who dresses nicely to please herself and just wants to look nice. I have never forgot that and it was definitely a learning experience.

As for your wife feeling that you are trying to make her into something that she is evidently not comfortable in being, It would be my considered opinion that perhaps you don't know her quite as well as perhaps you should.

Love ya,

Virginia

[Jennifer M]

If we are looking to others to accept us as is I feel it is only fair that we do our best to accept those around us as they are.Just because we may like skirts and stockings doesnt mean every G.G does or has too.Just my two cents worth.

[Erin L]

Actually, Virginia, the ironic thing is that it was my wife who first brought up the idea of naughty lingerie many years ago, when my sister had a "lingerie party" at her house and my wife bought some. I remember that night very well because my daughter was about two, and was teething so badly that I remained in a bedroom behind closed doors with her trying to calm her down (I had made up a lullaby to to the tune of "Hush Little Baby, Don't You Cry", but made up of the names of baseball players, and I kept making up new lines that night to keep it going). We didn't yet know that she was autistic. She finally fell asleep when the party was just about over, and I was able to rejoin the adults.

Okay, fast forward 19 years. My daughter moved into a community residence shortly after she turned 21, and my wife and I made a conscious effort to "get back" some of what we'd lost over the past two decades - we went away on vacations for the first time; we went to shows, concerts, sporting events. Most of those years, we hadn't thought much about intimacy, and so my purchasing of some lingerie for her was an attempt to rekindle that part of our lives as well (and she had already voiced a general desire to do that).

As I reflect on it now, our experiences with our children (my son is somewhat impaired, althought not as seriously as my daughter) altered the chemistry of our lives, and so therefore also of our relationship. There will be times when I mention a recollection about our college days or our early married years, and she will say, "I honestly don't remember that." I believe her.

Not all of the emotional scars have logical roots. And I can only conclude that her change in attitude toward lingerie is a part of that. Certain associations are painful, and we don't always know why.

As for your being called a slut, I can understand why a GG would be upset, but I can also understand why you kinda liked it - you were right, it was an indication that you had passed. It underscores our basic dilemma (even aside from the whole acceptance thing) - no matter how perfectly we alter our appearance, our experiences with others cannot ever be exactly what a GG would experience. We can sometimes get close and gain insights, but the reality is and must be different.

Hugs.

Erin

[CherryLynn]

The women I know dress to please themselves- they don't want to meet the Male ideal of the "Pretty Woman". A female co-worker told me " you guys like seeing a woman wearing sheer nylons and spikey heels- but shaving legs is a pain and the heels hurt our the legs and feet."

[DonnaT]

If we are looking to others to accept us as is I feel it is only fair that we do our best to accept those around us as they are.Just because we may like skirts and stockings doesnt mean every G.G does or has too.Just my two cents worth.

I agree.

Erin, what reason did your wife give you for being upset, besides the idea of you trying to dress her up like some dress-up doll?

Sounds like some deep seated emotion that needs to be discussed and worked out.

[Ann Stef]

My ex-wife was a "cotton" dresser. She never liked me trying to buy her sexy lingerie. My undies were sexier. I wore at the time musingwear undershorts, looked better than her cotton undies.

[Erin L]

Donna, she just said, emphatically, that she liked what she bought and had no interest in anything else. She said, "that just isn't me."

[JenniferPL]

The night I accepted the fact that I am a crossdresser are a couple of comments my wife made.

For being the weaker sex, It seems like everyone wants to be us. (this was after watching a show on MSNBC about a similar issue).

Also why is it that I am willing and wanting to wear everything she hates to wear. for example, I like nylons and 4" heels, she hates both. For years I keep trying to buy her things that I wanted to wear. So instead trying to get her to wear garters and nylons to bed, I wear them instead and we are both happy.

I now buy her what she wants instead of things I want her to have. I purchase a great deal of her underwear on line for her. One choice she does allow me is picking the colors. And what fun that is but that is for another post.

Here is another thought. I have known several woman, incuding my wife, who have had problems with their skin due to wearing satin panties.

Erin L, I also have experienced similar issues with kids. PM me if you want discuss autistism at all.

[Kendra Lynn]

Hello all: Hm... Yes I do prefer it when GG's look feminine.
I'll admit that I don't like "androgynous" looks on women.
On the other hand, I believe in freedom of expression and that everyone should be able to wear the clothing and hair styles they prefer.
For me much of the fun of being a CDer is to create a "feminine" look. And my style, which I often describe as "nice girl with a hippie accent" (preppie outfit with a peace sign pendant, for example) , probably is how I'd like my ideal dream date to look.
Can't think of anything else constructive to say about this right now.
Peace-- Kendra Lynn ("hippie cheerleader").