Loneliness

[Ian]

thanks lydia .ill check then out .i thought about it last time you mentioned it ,but because my wife has trouble dealing with it i keep puting of dealing with it myself .

[Lucinda]

I'm both lonely and not lonely at the same time if that is possible.

Lonely, in that I'm in the closet and over the past few years have come to the realisation that my feelings are much more than just an infrequent crossdresser. I feel now I need to move on to a next level and to do that I need to tell my wife of almost three decades. Moving on with my TGism is something I would never do without telling her.

But, on the other hand as I live in two dimensions, the outward family guy and the secret TG, I find I am not lonely in my outward life. I have all the surroundings of a family life that is important to me.

The dilemma is, of course, that if I did anything to eradicate the loneliness of in the former it could totally wreck the latter and bring about loneliness there.

[Ian]

I'm both lonely and not lonely at the same time if that is possible.

YES ,one of many things we have to deal with . personally i feel trapped and guilty .if i am true to myself id wear what i want when i wanted yet i feel guilty because what right do i have to do it ,and break up a my famile.my son is 3 if my wife leaves i have in part made his life so much harder,on top of the fact that he is adopted the .sure im not in control of her reactions to what happens .Is being true to myself just me being selfish?. all the best with whatever you decide .Lucinda .

[Jennifer M]

I guess I need to resurrect this thread one more time.Loneliness is still my number one battle and it is slowly eating away at me.Thankfully it seems to be my only battle at this time.I am so glad that I feel better about myself but I feel sad and scared about being alone.It seems that the battle is overpowering the victory,for the time being anyway.

I realize that the problem is inside of me.I am deathly afraid of taking a chance and being rejected or even outed to those I dont want to know about me.I am not sure how I can overcome this fear,but I know I must.Loneliness is a horrible thing that just keeps eating at you as I am sure many here can attest to.

I think of that movie "Defending Your Life" with Albert Brooks,its about needing to deal with fear.Just as I wrote this I realized that maybe it isnt the loneliness thats bothering me,maybe its the fear I feel .Now I have something new to think about.It really does help writing things down.Thanks for letting me babble on.

[CherryLynn]

Jennifer

I've learn to deal with my loneliness- but not happy about it. I have always been very shy and have a hard time expressing my true feelings. I do have friends but have never found that special someone. Then there's my crossdressing issue- something I don't want discuss with friends.That's what's so nice about this site- can express my femmy feeelings.

[Jennifer M]

I spent a lot of time last night thinking about this.My previous post made me realize that I needed to step back and figure out what was really bothering me.Loneliness isnt my problem,I enjoy being able to express my feminine side whenever I need to.I am able to go out and live life alone and I do enjoy it.Yes it would be amazing to have the right person to share my life with.If it happens great, if not,so be it.I still havent figured out what exactly is bothering me.Maybe I just need more sleep

[Henriette]

Jennifer, I have read your resurrected thread, and still it resounded in me. It is an uphill battle for me as well.

Even going back to the start of the thread (CJ, you put it very distinctly then), it would seem that it is a recurring issue for CD's. It is amazing (if that is the right word) how alone you can be, even in a home full of your family, because you are different.

Different in thinking, different in what you dream, aspire to, and you have to (are forced to - by circumstances or fear or both) keep that to yourself. That was the main driving force for me to join this forum.

Suddenly I have found many sisters, in many parts of the world, who actually know what I am talking about, and of whom so many can say - Been there, done that, bought the blouse, the shoes etc. I have learned so much in such a short time.

Finally, because of this forum, I am not alone!

Thank you all for that

Henriette

[Leeza]

Jennnifer. as far as I am concerned you can babble on. At least when you are in here babbling we know that you are still here and that means a lot to me and I am sure others in this forum. It really bothers me when someone who is having problems goes silent. At least your "babble" lets me know you are still in the game and can use the wet noodle on me if I need it

Leeza

[Billie Earls]

Loneliness affects us all even when you are in a crowded room full of friends and relatives. If you can't get out of the closet you can't share that one aspect of yourself that needs to be expressed.
I'm like most people still in the closet and probably will be for life, I've learned to deal with this but the one things I have always needed was the touch or caress of understanding the way I feel. Keeping it bottled up inside is what, for me , causes the loneliness.
Now that I have found this site I at least let other people know the me inside. Being new at this site will make the loneliness easier to take and may even allow me to come out to some one outside of my family.

[Lana]

i, too, feel loneliness all the time.
My wife wants me to go out with her and have fun with friends but when I do, I always come home to the constant complaining of me saying or doing something to insult or hurt her or someone else. I have never done this intentionally and am only following the lead of what others are doing but I am always wrong. So, I just withdraw into a shell of loneliness and shut my ears to the constant complaining of my wife.
I have tried to analyse what, if anything I am doing wrong to reap this wrath but come up empty everytime. Am innocent comment is constantly being turned into a major battle with her as she says I insulted our friends with it, or even worse, hurt her feelings.
Example:
We were at our friends house, playing cards. The other wife is always telling me, "shut up". Last night was the same and my wife echoed the same comment. I gave her a look that said why are you backing her. On the next hand, I olayed a card against my wife and she got extremely upset about it as she was losing. Then when we got home, I got the third degree about how much I hurt her by doing so.
So that is why I am back into my lonely shell.

[Erin L]

Lana, something is missing, here. The example you presented sounds extremely unreasonable, bordering on emotionally abusive. We are rarely objective about what happens to us, and it may well be that there is more to the story. OTOH, if there really isn't anything else, then it sounds as if your wife is being very abusive to you, in which case retreating into a shell isn't going to do anything other than continue a painful situation.

From what I have seen and read (here and elsewhere), a lot of transgendered folks see themselves as inherently submissive, as if weakness, timidity and submissiveness were inherently feminine characteristics. They aren't. A woman finding herself abused in the manner in which you described yourself being abused would be advised to seek counseling and to consider escaping from an abusive relationship. I think you should consider this, too.

Every person on this planet deserves to be accorded simple human dignity. Those who deny that dignity to others - and many of us here have suffered that in one form or another - do more damage than they can possibly know. But we also have the power within ourselves to push back against indignity, and we have an obligation to ourselves to do it. I hope and pray you will find that inner strength and seek to resolve this most painful situation.

[Absaroka]

I agree that the example above is just nasty. I wonder why your wife likes to be so unpleasant to you.

On the other hand I am one of those people who has trouble reading cues. I have friends were "shut the f--- up" is just considered normal conversation and not unpleasant. And other friends where leaning back on your chair is a terrible faux pas. And sometimes I get confused.........In any event however your spouse is supposed to have your back in these things.

Absaroka

[Susan]

Loneliness seems to be an unseen pandemic of our times

this is the UK today

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/uk/7754861.stm

what has gone wrong?

[Johanna]

I think that all of you have done an excellent job of identifying an inherent probem with our lifestyle.

I would love to have CD friend to help dress me, apply makeup, make me a beautiful woman and then admire me. I would also love to return the favor. I am not gay, at least in the sense of being drawn to the male body, but the void of a need in me that I cannot share with others.

On the other hand, I am afraid of reaching out to others- particularly in this dangerous world. How do I know that I will like the other CD in person? How can I just leave if I don't?

I hope that this forum can help me solve this question. Perhaps as I become familiar with the group, I will meet someone who will share my secret passion.

[Joann NJ]

Johanna and others interested in this subject, being trans for more years than I like to admit to. loneliness and solitude seem to go hand and hand in this arena. sure, I've been to the support groups through the years, and just wish that once I could meet someone that I could share my special femme times with, and still function as a male in the real world. I have a wonderful spouse, she knows, understands how much a part of me this is, and is OK with me getting my night or two out a week. [BUT>>>> DON"T YOU DO ANYTHING THAT COULD HURT OUT REPUTATION>>>>] so,here it is.... wait till dark.... try to blend as best as possible, sport a smile, and a few hours later sit dressed, alone, and writing this lengthy post..... So, for what it's worth, life is grand, complicated being trans, wonderful being trans, I would not stop for anything, and sit hyere alone picking away at the keys....