Getting OUT

[Carolynn]

This was written by a TS who is relatively new to expressing herself, and is a response to her discoveries about how to get out and be. Though there may be some who just cannot be out and about, I thought people here might find the post inspiring.


Now that I have your attention, I'm going to talk about being your self. This is for those who have not been out as themselves ever, or are nervous about getting out of the door, just to get back home again for one reason or another with the fewest people catching a glimpse.

Do I know everything? Absolutely not. All I want to do is give some no advice about getting out of the door as your true self.

By overcoming my own fears recently, I have been able to get out in the world and experience life as I was destined to do. And I want to share.

So, you wanna get out the door as yourself? Is it getting to the point of causing some inner angst when leaving the door as your untrue self while wishing you can just go out as your true self? Are you dissatisfied by not listening to your inner self? Then go!

First things first - you have got to stop thinking of yourself as your former self. For the vast majority of us here, that would be thinking of yourself as male. Stop it! You would be absolutely amazed at how that changes your posture and glow simply by viewing yourself differently. Why not; you already think differently than the male that you were born as. "How dare you! I wasn't born male!" Exactly! So put that to use.

Since you are on this road and are serious about becoming your true self, getting out the door dressed as your true self is inevitable anyway no matter how you think or feel about how you appear to others. So change your mindset about yourself and be proud to be who you are and get out that door sooner than later.

"But...but....but...." No "Buts"! No excuses. Just start playing with your looks and then go. Whether it be your physical body stature, your face, your shoulders, hands, feet.....whatever, there are clothes and looks that will cover whatever it is you want to hide. The best thing to do is go to Google and search for attire that best suites your body type. All you have to do is type in your search terms - how to cover up manly looking shoulders; how to make your hands appear smaller; how to dress for my body type....the list just keeps going and Google will bring back links on how to dress how you just asked to. You wanna know why? Because natal women want to know how to too! We are not alone with negative body image and feelings of insecurity.

Even the most "beautiful" people still go out and buy products to hide something on their bodies that they don't like. Things to hide broad shoulders; bring out small butts; small boobs; shrink large waists, etc. etc. etc. etc. That's precisely WHY those things were created in the first place - to make you feel better about yourself and more "beautiful"!

"But I have no money for clothes." Neither does anyone, but we're all still clothed. There are places that sell at deep discounts and national chains that buy overstocked items and sell for less.

"But my voice will surely give me away when I go out! I'll never pass that way." You know what, if you haven't quite got your voice down, then go somewhere and do something that you can merely stroll along and walk around without talking, but yet still be in public.

"Well, then people I know will see me and think ill of me." If this is seriously a big deal to you, IF they even recognize you?, then go to the next biggest, nearest town and just go where people are so that you can overcome merely being seen as your true self by others and not have to worry about anyone you know seeing you. And to share a HUGE secret here; no one cares or has time to care, and if you're amongst a crowd, you'll blend in far better because no one can process everything that is going on. You'll get looked at yes, but you would be looked at regardless of how you appear, that's just a fact of life. You exist and therefore will be seen and looked at.

"But I'm balding and I don't have money for a good wig" or "I refuse to wear a wig..." There are these things called hats. they have very feminine hats at Walmart and Target for cheap. Bandannas. Wraps. Clip on pony tails. Whatever, but please don't let this be a reason to not go out. Natal women bald too and they're out in the world not being avoided like the plague!

"Ah geez, but what if I have to go to the bathroom when out in public?" Your dressed as a woman; go to the bathroom! Why not? If you have to go, you have to go. Or look for single or family restrooms then. Women's restrooms consist of stalls with toilets behind closed doors; they won't see your penis! Just sit to pee is all I have to say. Or go to the bathroom before you even go out if you simply can't fathom walking into the women's restroom yet.

"But what if I get hungry or want to buy something and they'll see my credit/debit card with my birth name on it? I'll get embarrassed." Just get cash out of the bank beforehand and buy with cash. Cash is not attached to names.

"But my skin is rough and not very feminine looking." Natal women have this too. Just as long as there is no grease and grime under your fingernails from working on the car, you should be fine (and you shouldn't be working on the car anyways! That's for guys.). Skin doesn't have to be silky smooth and glowing to be seen as a female in society.

"But I can't put on make-up all that well." Just play with it then well beforehand. Besides, have you seen some of the make-up on some natal women? And again, people simply don't have enough brain power to process everything while out in public anyway - the bigger the crowd, the better you'll blend.

"But I have a lot of body hair." Shave. Take the time to do it right and make sure you get the not so obvious points - i.e., knuckles, toes, elbows, ears, etc. etc.

Seriously! Just get dressed and then go. No excuses and stop making reasons why you can't and start understanding that it is more damaging to make excuses why you can't than simply acting on what you are going to be doing anyway.

Easier said than done? No, I will not accept that.

"But I just won't pass." You are exactly right. If you never get out there and feel it, breath it, smell it and live your life as it should be lived, then you'll never pass and you'll never live either. That's not a good way to be.

Will it be out of your comfort zone? Absolutely. Simply by doing what we're all here doing is taking us away from our "uncomfortable comfort" zone as a male anyway, however bad that zone is, it is how you have known life so far, so of course it is comfortable in at least to know how to act. Thinking of yourself as feminine though will do wonders.

If your worried about heels, either practice at home on varying surfaces or don't wear them at all the first few times out. It's that simple.

People will see you as how you see yourself and portray yourself while out and about. Seriously. They have no choice but to do so. Think of it this way; do you have the time, when running errands, to guess who is what and why and analyze them on their routines and wonder what they're all about? They don't either.

By getting out, your confidence will only grow stronger and your self image will only change for the better. It can do no bad.

"Ok, but what if I do something inadvertently while out that people see me as male? What then? I'll be so embarrassed and crushed." Let me ask you this; do you remember everyone you see or what they did that was embarrassing? Did you even care about what they did after the fact or did you just go on about your life as you always do? Did you even know them? And why should it matter anyway what they think? This is a huge thing here - public humiliation. In about 2 hours' time, their brains will be processing something else anyway and even if they do remember the "flabbergasting act done by you", who cares? Who really cares? So you goofed in public. Are they going to make you lose your job? Are they going to tell on you? They don't even know you so who would they tell? Are they going to talk about you? Maybe; but you'll only be defeating yourself if you allow your person and thought processes to be interrupted with recurring thoughts of the "moment" and how they perceived it and how they felt about and what they said about and....blah blah blah. Just move on. Everyone embarrasses themselves at some point. It's called being human.

People talk about what they saw, yes. You do it too. But again, who really cares? You go home and they go home and in the end we all wake up to see another day to get out and be.


I hope this has helped and changed your mindset? You are your destiny and you are the only one that can change yourself and how you see yourself. Do it! Life will be immensely enjoyable once you become who you need to be.

KatieB

[JoAnnDallas]

Well said.......I was nervious as all get out when I first ventured out dressed. Once I notice that no one seem to take notice of me, the fear drained away and I started enjoying myself. When my wife accepted my CDing and we started going out together with me dressed, she commented that I passed very well. As well as any other woman out there. Just the other day, I had to show my ID while dressed. At first the person I handed it to got a cnonfused look until she figured it out. It took her a good 30-60 seconds to reliase that I was really a man. Your enteraction with most people will be less than that. Then all of a sudden she smiled and I was just another woman making a return. As for the bathroom, yep the womens bathroom does have private stalls. Like Carolynn said, "Just go into one, sit, pee or whatever, then leave".

[Amanda Barber]

First things first - you have got to stop thinking of yourself as your former self. For the vast majority of us here, that would be thinking of yourself as male. Stop it! You would be absolutely amazed at how that changes your posture and glow simply by viewing yourself differently. Why not; you already think differently than the male that you were born as. "How dare you! I wasn't born male!" Exactly! So put that to use.



"But...but....but...." No "Buts"! No excuses. Just start playing with your looks and then go. Whether it be your physical body stature, your face, your shoulders, hands, feet.....whatever, there are clothes and looks that will cover whatever it is you want to hide. The best thing to do is go to Google and search for attire that best suites your body type. All you have to do is type in your search terms - how to cover up manly looking shoulders; how to make your hands appear smaller; how to dress for my body type....the list just keeps going and Google will bring back links on how to dress how you just asked to. You wanna know why? Because natal women want to know how to too! We are not alone with negative body image and feelings of insecurity.



"But what if I get hungry or want to buy something and they'll see my credit/debit card with my birth name on it? I'll get embarrassed." Just get cash out of the bank beforehand and buy with cash. Cash is not attached to names.


KatieB

The first 2 paragraphs are very important. Just actually be yourself.

The cash issue, well eventually someones going to see your ID and if the picture is recent, no one cares. REALLY, no one cares. Its going to happen, get it over with and move on.
During the 1 in 10 times some one actually sees the "M" on an ID AND connects it to a first name, they don't care. You are not the worst thing that happened to them on their shift. Sure they might mention the transvestite that came it to their family after work, but that story will certainly take a back seat to the woman holding up the line for 15 minutes while looking for 4 cents or the guy throwing a fit to a cashier about return policies that they have no control over.

People that deal with ID are hyper focused on the picture looking like you and whatever # the computer needs to make a purchase. name and gender often get glossed over.

[Johanna]

I am nearing the "out" experience and your article is great incentive. REgarding wigs, though, where can you find a wig that does not look like a bad toupee?. Teh costume stores sell complete junk and real wigs are only available by fitting (as far as I know). Are there any other-the-counter options that would make me less obvious?

[Alana]

Johanna, you can get wigs through the mail or at the mall. I went into the wig shop at our local mall, en homme. I informed the sales associate, who also happened to be one of the owners that I was a crossdresser and wanted to buy a wig. She told me that they were from California and had dealt with CDs before.

She took me back to a slightly more private area of the shop and showed me several wigs in different styles by putting them on me. I ended up buying one on lay-away.

After doing a photo shoot with the new wig, I stopped by the shop to show them some of my photos. Both of the owners, the lady and her husband, thought that I looked nice. He even said I looked hot.

A few months ago, I stopped by the shop again to see about a different color and style of wig. A different sales associate was there, but she treated me like any other customer. I was again, en homme.

Haven't gone out en femme much to where I interact with others. But with comments from some GGs that I work with and who have seen me enfemme, I have encouragement. Still want to do that some day, but I just don't have the time right now.

Don't waste a lot of time worrying about what others may think. As others have stated, you might be surprised about how little they actually think about things.

Love,

Alana

[Virginia]

Joanna,

I have gotten most of my wigs by mail on the net from Paula Young.com
They have what I would call mid-range prices. I do have a couple of very expensive ones as well and it is the old saying "you get what you pay for!"
Invest in a good wig. Get one that suits your face and style. I assume you are not a teenager, so no waist length purple/orange. Walk around the malls and look at the ""better dressed" GG's and notice their hair styles. I have about ten or so wigs, as my taste has changed so has my hairstyle and the nice thing is the variety can go with the places you go. Parties vs. movies, vs. concerts. That is one nice thing we have going for us. We can have lots of choices in our presentations!!!

Start with synthetic, unless you are a professional hairdresser or know one. The real hair ones are just that, real hair and can be washed, set, rolled, hot ironed etc, but unless you are into that, stick with the synthetic.
Revlon makes a wash and rinse for synthetics and get a metal "head" not styroform to dry it on. All I do is once its dry shake it and put it on then brush it to the style I want!!!!

Virginia

[DonnaT]

My wife gave me my first wig, when we were newly married. I couldn't wait to go out once I saw how I looked.

My second wig was bought online a few years ago, from BeautyTrends.com. Great service. My wife didn't care for it.

So, she took me to a local shop, and I tried several on right there in the shop, no back room.

[Joann NJ]

What a great topic!! A few years back I would close the shades, make sure no-one was around, get dressed upstairs and then venture downstairs for a few minutes......... in my own home no less!! Well, thanks to this site and others like it, I now almost routinely get a night out every week. Anything special....nah... but window shopping, trying on shoes and buying them in payless, a casual smile, and trying to blend, not present the hooker image {although I can, but that stays at home } I have to agree, loose the male mindset when you go out and things seem a little bit easier. Every time a bit more fun too! Sometimes if the situation doesn't feel right, I don't do it, but what I always do is present the best I can and when read, I can pass maybe 45% of the time, the image is respectful. The other night while out window shopping at an outdoor mall, a couple of young bucks made me and were curious and nervous at the same time. Well, they ran off only to let their buddies know what was coming down the block. I was "S$%T scarred". A gay bashing..... I did not know what I was in for.... fortunately for me, they looked, laughed, made some comments, and went on their way. I did though, B-Line it for the car and made tracks!
This will not stop me from living my life to the mostest..... be careful, be respectable, and most of all, be yourself because, "This ain't a dress rehearsal" Did someone say dress...........................................