Shopping in male mode

[KimberlyS]

In answering a post on a different form I thought this would be a good to post here also. I know many of us shop for femme things in male mode. What are some of the things you do to accomplish this. The following is a rewrite of that post and some hints of mine.

First get right with yourself. IMHO people pick up on your personal acceptance of what you are doing. It comes out in your actions and interactions with others. Do you truly feel it is ok for you to shop for femme clothing while in male mode? I hope it is yes. As IMHO the acceptance of others starts with your personal acceptance of what you are doing. If you have that part down a few things for you to try:

-When shopping it is important to not avoid the sales associates. Shoplifters avoid the SA's. It is ok to talk with them. It is ok to ask for help. They love helping people, just tell them what you are looking for. Look at them when they talk to you and greet you. Eye contact is good.

-I also use the subtle hints but not really as hints, just personal pronouns when talking. Like:

"I already have a skirt like that."
"I am looking for a top to go with a denim skirt I have."
"I usually need a size ____."
"That color usually does not look good on me."
"Do you have this in the color ____. It is my favorite color."

-Are you shopping for yourself or someone else. Look like your are shopping for yourself. If shopping for yourself and you are unsure of the size you should have two of them in hand. More and more when I am shopping and have several things in hand and still looking, I am asked if they can start a fitting room for me.

-When looking around, hold some of the garments up to your self when looking at them. It should be very plain it is for you and you may be unsure of the fit.

-If you want to try things the simple thing to do is ASK!!!!! If I want to try things on I always ask if there is some place I can try things on at. Even if I am standing right in front of the fitting rooms. I give them the control over the situation. Only once I was not allowed into the fitting rooms, but was asked if I could use the stock room to try things on. It worked for me. I have yet to be refused. I have been asked to wait for the rooms to clear. And once I was asked to come back a bit later as they were really busy at the time. When I went back they thanked me for coming back and had the things I had picked out all ready for me along with some others.

Go forth, shop, and enjoy thy self.

kim
__________________
KimberlyS-CD
joe in a skirt. Being myself not trying to be some other CDer
Just trying to find a balance for my family and myself.

Standard disclaimer: Going out of the house was right for me, it may or may not be right for you. If you've got no desire to leave the house, that's fine, I'm not trying to push you out the door. But for those who've been yearning to do so, I just want to let you know the world may not be as scary a place as you think.

[Gaven McLaren]

That is preaty much how I do it. Most of the time when I go in to a store I know basically what I am looking for. I also do not generally look nervous as that is a good way for people to spot that you my be doing something out of the norm.

[Kendra Lynn]

Well yes, more often than not, I shop in "drab", particularly when going to a mall frequented by teenagers and less sophisticated adults.

Although I'm doing more ordering from retailers with toll free numbers that will take orders by phone, I still occasionally go to "brick and mortar" stores. (and of course no matter how accurate the size chart, you never how something's going to look and fit until you try it on, which means ordering from web sites will always entail SOME risk).

I have dealt with store staff when buying women's boots-- last year JC PENNEY had white pompon boots on sale-- I got there early in the morning, and told the clerk exactly what I wanted and who they were for. The boots fit perfectly and I bought two pair. Some times the store staff members will be a little awkward when they realize what's going on, but it's probably better to be forthright and honest then telling stories (it's for my girlfriend") and looking/appearing nervous.

The one thing I have NOT done is go into a store that caters only to women. Those are nerve wracking whether I'm in "drab" or "drag." I've also found MACY's to be just too big-- can't deal with it.

OLD NAVY is good because the unisex dressing rooms are ALL in the same location.

Best wishes to all for the new year!

Peace-- Kendra Lynn ("hippie cheerleader").

[Janet Bern]

Macys is soo easy to shop in womans section in drab. I do it all the time and when you admit "its for you" the SA's are really nice, There are more of us out there than you can believe.
Janet

[Erin L]

I recently shopped in Victoria's Secret. I said it was for my wife, but I didn't try to be too convincing about it. The saleswoman was great, and at one point she asked, "Well, do you think you would prefer this, or this?" in showing me two items.

But I have to admit that for some reason, I still lack the nerve to shop for shoes in person. I still rely on mail order.

[Kimberly Kael]

KimberlyS is 100% correct on all points. The more confident you feel in what you're doing, the better the service you'll get and the more comfortable you'll feel doing it. Not to mention that the best thing you can when developing your wardrobe is take your time when deciding what to add to it! Trying to guess what something will look like is a total craps shoot. It's far too expensive to find out by trial and error what styles suit you, and sizes vary so much from item to item that you'll be stuck with a lot of ill-fitting clothing unless you take the time to try it on.

Relax. Enjoy.

You're not doing anything wrong, and you're every bit as important to them as any other customer. Hold your head up high, laugh with the world, and indulge in one of life's great joys. Mmmmm, heavenly shopping.

[Janet Bern]

Anyone reading this should reread Kimberly's response above.
I can't agree with you more Kimberly. You are absolutely correct in your comments
Janet

[Absaroka]

I do a lot of my shopping in either Wal Mart of Goodwill. I use the male dressing room.

I also do a fair amount of shopping, especially around this time of year, for my wife and daughters. So I have gotten pretty used to shopping for womens clothes. Except for the sort of items that a woman would not send a man to buy for her (like bras) as far as I am concerned it's no ones business who the clothing is for. Since my wife and I fit into the same size I have been known to try on stuff I am buying for her to see if it fits as well. One time I explained this to the saleslady. I don't think she believed me even though it was true. Pretty funny, a crossdressers saying it's for his wife and it really was but he was not believed.....

Absaroka

[Jillian]

I tend to shop online quite a bit, mainly for the deals and for the fact that in order for me to get to the nearest mall, it's quite the production. There's a thrift store a few blocks from the house that I frequent, but most of the stuff in there tends to be severely lacking in style or proper fit. I tend to think that I have a good eye for what works and what doesn't so I've been pretty successful so far.

I used to get apprehensive about browsing the women's department but those moments are slowly fading. I now ruffle through panty bins and the like with reckless abandon. But I also tend to shop with a sympathetic companion, which certainly tones down the anxiety.

Just keep your head up, tell the SA's exactly what you're looking for and let them tell their stories in the breakroom. Create a blog and do some reverse venting. You'll be immortalized among the SA's at Dillard's but they'll get internet stardom. Keep a sense of humor. As with all things, confidence is the difference maker.

[KimberlyS]

Thanks for all of the comments. Sorry for starting this and than not getting here for a few days. I am glad others have similar experiences and opinions. I would love to hear more from others. And I am sure others would also love to hear more. The feel I get from many CDers is they really struggle with the shopping part. I know I have struggled with it some also. But I have also been shopping for femme clothes while in male mode since I was about 17. And I am sure that has helped my comfort factor. But I have also done a lot of dumb and stupid things also when my confidence was low.

Absaroka, LOL I love it. When I have shopped for clothes for my wife; and yes really for my wife; I have used when asked what size from the SA's, I have replied, about my size. Talk about getting the look.

[Anita]

I have generally had good experiences shopping male in women's sections and even women's stores. There is an initial "stir" that happens when I walk into a women's-only store like Lane Bryant, but that usually dissipates when I smile and start talking about what I need.

I agree about letting the clerks control the dressing room situation. Sometimes I've gone over to the men's fitting rooms to try things on; that's never been a problem. I've used fitting rooms next to women and not had a problem, either. But I let them know that I'm agreeable to anything they suggest. I'm never been told to come back later, but that would be OK, too, as long as I felt they were sincere.

One time a woman store owner agreed to let me try something on, but kept coming back constantly to inquire about how it was going, in a way-too-cheery voice. It seemed clear that she was not comfortable with the situation, and I tried on one garment and left.

At Ross, I had a cart with clothing I'd already selected, and I left it outside the dressing room when I brought more stuff to try. When I came out, the cart was gone, and the two women attendents were very nonchalant about it, which made me angry. I couldn't help but feel they would have been more sympathetic and active about tracking it down for another woman. I also thought they probably knew what happened to it--there weren't that many carts there. I lost some dresses that fit really well, and even coming back the next day, I never found them. But that little bit of prejudice, if that's what it was, is an exception.

[Jodie Wexler]

I have never shopped in female mode. However several stores in my area know that I am shopping for myself when I am there. I have only tried on a few dresses once in one of them. One store I go to is extremely CD friendly and even had a few of my pictures as part of their Christmas window display but I have yet to try on anything there even though they said it was fine. It is also strange because another picture of me in a purple dress I bought there is hanging up in the fitting room. I get kind of embarrassed with the female customers around.

Jodie

[Veronica Smith]

I agree with what's been written above. I've never gone out in public dressed as a female, but I love shopping for myself in male mode. I just try to be polite and friendly and look for what I'm interested in.

Once I've found it, I ask politely if it would be possible for me to try these items on. I've never had a problem. Occassionally a clerk takes a couple of seconds to recover from her surprise and once a clerk even asked "really?" but I've always been treated very well and usually felt as if I was treated like any other customer.

I actually prefer to shop in ladies clothing stores as opposed to department stores. I like Lane Bryant, Fashion Bug and Dress Barn in particular. I've also shopped at the Leggs Hanes Bali Outlet stores. A few times I've been carrying a couple of items and asked the clerk if it would be possible for me to try something on. The clerk said "let me start a dressing room for you" and encouraged me to look for other things.

I've often had clerks come and check if I need a different size and they have suggested other items that might go with what I had already selected. One time I tried on a sweater and the clerk said we have a sale on bras, would you like to try one?

Just be polite and friendly and enjoy the experience and most clerks will be happy to have you as a customer.

Veronica

[JoAnnDallas]

I have shopped both as JoAnn and in drab. Since my wife accepted me as a CD, it has gotten easier to shop in either mode. Just today. we went to a thrift store and I found a nice wool coat for JoAnn. I tried on various ones while my wife pulled them off the rack. I would put on one, look at myself in the mirror, then take it off, and try on another. As I did this, I had both men and women walk past us and no one seem to care I was trying on fem coats.

IMHO, just go out and do it. I bet you too will find that no one really cares that your shopping for fem clothing in drab.

I prefer shopping while fully dressed, sense then I can use the dressing room.

[KimberlyS]

....I prefer shopping while fully dressed, since then I can use the dressing room.

JoAnn, my experience has been it does not matter if I am dressed enfemme or in male mode. I have still been allowed to use a nearby dressing room in the area. I just ask politely if there is a fitting room I could use to try things on. And more and more I am being asked in male mode if I would like to try something on.

It was a bit strange the first time being walked into a dressing room in male mode carrying feminine clothing with out the SA seeming to not care. And one time at a VS, I was a bit freaked out being asked by the SA if I wanted to try something on, followed by being walked into a busy fitting room, being seen by other GG's in there and being given a fitting room just like one of them. It was one of those "is this really happening" moments.

My experience has been be serious and confident in what you are doing and be treated just like their average customer.