Am I in the minority?

Willie W · Post by **Willie W** » Tue Jan 20, 2009 1:37 pm

I've spent a couple of days reading through the many topics here and it seems my corossdressing habits and motives may be in the minority here. for instance, I don't use a feminine name, I don't use make up or wigs, I don't try to pass as female ( I have a full beard), but most of all I'm not trying to express some inner self or femine side. I dress primarily for sexual stimulation. Perhaps there are some underlying reasons, but if there are I don't think about them. This is simply for my enjoyment.
So am I different from most others here?
I would like to say that I do find everyone's thoughts and opinions here interesting and informative and I thoroughly enjoy being involved in this forum.

Lydia · Post by **Lydia** » Tue Jan 20, 2009 2:43 pm

Hi Willie,

Crossdressing ranges all over the map - from the guys who just like to wear panties to full time female emulators. Whether you include the true transexuals as crossdressers is a matter of arbitrary definition. I believe there are a few other "bearded ladies" in our midst. All are welcome here. Join us and enjoy. We are all a minority, anyway.

Hugs,

Lydia

Jemima · Post by **Jemima** » Tue Jan 20, 2009 3:02 pm

Willie always remain as you are, true to yourself. Enjoy fully what crossdressing brings into your life, and celebrate that we all have something that brings colour and vibrance into our lives

As Lydia says we are all in the mnority and it's great to have some where like this to express ourselves!

Jemima

Anita · Post by **Anita** » Tue Jan 20, 2009 3:27 pm

It's safe to say that sexual stimulation was part of the beginning for many of us, so in that way, you're part of a bigger picture. From the beginnings, the members do go on in many different directions with this. It would seem that a majority of people on this board identify with an inner "femaleness," but I know of some on here whose experience is more like yours.

Kyra · Post by **Kyra** » Tue Jan 20, 2009 9:08 pm

Hi Willie,
While you may believe that you're different from most of us, keep in mind that our unique-ness is what defines us. Yes, we have a common bond, but we are definitely individuals and we should, each one of us, cherish that aspect.

In my walk of life I've gone through many changes. At an early age (my teens) I dressed primarily for sexual stimulation, but that ceased mostly when i started dating.
When I came out to my wife early in 2004, she mistook my intentions as a new twist on our bedroom antics. She thought that I wanted to wear her lingerie when we were being intimate. I must admit, the thought was intriguing! But, honestly that's not what I wanted then (or now) My current desire is to be out in public en femme. I just want to be "myself".
...and that's what I'm doing.

I guess what I'm babbling about is to simply love your life. Be who you are. If you're content dressing in your own home, then that's absolutely wonderful! I'm happy to see you are able to be yourself.

Hugs,
Kyra

Kimberly Kael · Post by **Kimberly Kael** » Tue Jan 20, 2009 11:24 pm

Kyra wrote:While you may believe that you're different from most of us, keep in mind that our unique-ness is what defines us.

Bingo! Be true to yourself, and keep in mind that what we do have in common still counts as a minority when compared to the general population. Once you've decided you're not just like everyone else you might as well embrace who you are.

Leeza · Post by **Leeza** » Wed Jan 21, 2009 9:09 am

Willie,

we all have our levels of comfort. For many years I was content to dress at home or if I was out of the house it was still in private. As long as it makes you happy and no one is hurt then that is good enough for you and I am not going to condem you because I fell that my needs require a little more.

As in any large faminly there are a lot of differences, but there is still support.

Leeza

Susan · Post by **Susan** » Wed Jan 21, 2009 12:02 pm

Willie

I have found that needs change over time - enjoy what you are and let time manage the rest.

Susan

Post by **KimberlyS** » Wed Jan 21, 2009 10:56 pm

Willie, I only wear make and wig when I go out in public. Around home my full femme mode is just the clothing. I have been out some as a guy wearing feminine clothes when I have been away from home traveling for business. But around home my wife requests that I either present a male or a female standard image that society can handle. No blending the lines around home.

I personally consider myself a guy in a dress type of CDer. And I would rather always present my male self when out in feminine clothes. But I know this small town we live in is not ready for that and I would not put my family through that. But even going out in full femme for me I do not pass. But according to my wife my feminine image conceals my male identity and I present a decent blending feminine image.

Some day I hope to keep the wig and makeup put away and just wear the clothes when I am out and about. But for now I am content the way things are.

kims
joe in a skirt

Absaroka · Post by **Absaroka** » Thu Jan 22, 2009 2:27 pm

I have a beard, don't pass, don't go out except by stealth, don't wear a wig. For me it started as something sexual and then became something else as well, I am not sure what. But if it wasn't for sex I probably wouldn't think the other aspects were worth the trouble. I don't feel I am expresssing a feminine side, cding for me is about being a man pretending to be something else. Although I do have a feminine side I don't consider it to have anything to do with my clothing. More to do with strength and nurturing.

We talk a lot about our inner female here and sometimes I think it that for some of us it is PC for other things. On the other hand there are many here who seem to not fit into societies gender definitions and I don't want to disrespect them in any way. It can be a very difficult thing to come to terms with and I do not envy anyone that struggle at all.

From what I have read, the majority of crossdressers are primarily fetishists. However this site is not neccesarily representative of anyone except the people posting here. No one really knows what the statistics are but the most common agreement is that 1% of the adult male population likes to dress up in womens underwear at least, and that 1% of crossdressers are transgendered enough to want SRS and are also able to afford it. I we take half of the population as male and half of that as adult (very rough math here) that means 0.25& of 300,000,000 people in this country gives us 750,000 men in this society wear lingerie sometimes and 740,000 of us are doing it for some sort of fun, not because we are trying to find our inner woman.

I have to admit the idea of all this effort and posting just over an illicit sexual thrill seems a bit odd. But maybe not when we consider how powerful and societally subversive sex can be. I do think that for myself the either/or dichotomy of it is either sexual or it isn't is a false one. I guess I'd say that for me cding is about sex the way going fishing is about eating. Yes it's about eating but it's about something else also. Just as lots of time fishing is fun even if you don't catch anything, cding is fun even when it doesn't lead to any kind of sex or even sexual excitement. I suspect part of it is just about letting myself be who I am, even if it is only in private.

Anyway you belong here when you say you do.

Absaroka

April Rose · Post by **April Rose** » Thu Jan 22, 2009 9:09 pm

Although I have gone out in the past I don't nowadays, because that is the way my wife prefers it. I have no problem honoring her request. Crossdressing hasn't been directly about sex for me for some years. That doesn't mean, however,that it's only about gender identity, or relaxation for me. I still find it quietly exciting and energizing, even now, when I can dress as a woman just about every evening. I think it is best explained by the psychological concept of "Libido" This is defined narrowly as "sexual energy" but more broadly it is the creative drive. It is what sets the politician to shaking a thousand hands, it is what drives the painter to paint and the poet to po. We crossdressers simply give expression to this drive each in our unique way. Even if it is only about sex for you, you must admit it's an imaginative sexual expression. And we love imaginative people, so you'll fit right in here.

Virginia · Post by **Virginia** » Thu Jan 22, 2009 9:12 pm

All I can add and it is simply the same song, different verse. We all exist on what is sometimes referred to as "The Crossdresser's Continuum." There is room for every one and you simply chose one of the many variations that we reside in.

As my sisters have said, just be yourself, do no harm to yourself or others and enjoy your "trip around the sun!"

Virginia

Erin L · Post by **Erin L** » Sat Jan 24, 2009 12:59 am

Absaroka wrote: No one really knows what the statistics are but the most common agreement is that 1% of the adult male population likes to dress up in womens underwear at least, and that 1% of crossdressers are transgendered enough to want SRS and are also able to afford it. I we take half of the population as male and half of that as adult (very rough math here) that means 0.25& of 300,000,000 people in this country gives us 750,000 men in this society wear lingerie sometimes and 740,000 of us are doing it for some sort of fun, not because we are trying to find our inner woman.

I'm not sure I follow you, Absaroka, but it sounds like you are saying that the only crossdressers who are "trying to find (their) inner woman" are the ones who want SRS. I disagree with that. It is certainly possible for a genetic male to feel a strong desire to give expression to a more feminine persona by crossdressing, and even to wish he had been born female and not in any way want SRS.

Absaroka · Post by **Absaroka** » Sat Jan 24, 2009 11:40 pm

I guess that was poorly worded. I was referring to the folks who rather than feeling they have a feminine side or aspect of themselves, feel so much more female than male that they elect to (or wish to) live either full time, or much of the time, with or without SRS, as women. It's no longer just a feminine side, it's the vast majority of the person that is female.

Of course since it's a continuum there are lots of folks who don't fit neatly into any definition.

Absaroka

Erin L · Post by **Erin L** » Sun Jan 25, 2009 12:39 am

I sometimes think that the t-girls who know they want to live full time as females, be it via hormones or SRS or some other means, are the lucky ones, because it seems so black-and-white for them. For me, there are times when I am almost overwhelmed by the wish that I had been born a girl, but I can't deny the maleness of my nature any more than I can deny the femaleness. So, for me, SRS would be simply turning the problem on its head.

So I continue as I have been, dressing when I can (which isn't often), or maybe wearing panties under my clothes to work, occasionally shopping for new things, and just keeping Erin close to my heart.

But there has been a change for me in the past several months, a radical change. For the first time since I was 13 years old, dressing is no longer specifically sexual. There are times now when I dress and feel extraordinarily feminine, but not aroused. And I can't help but think that it is connected with the fact that I have finally, after 50 years of internal struggle, accepted the dual nature of my gender identity. I find this new development to be intensely liberating.