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Before I start I really don't know where I am going with this as I really don't understand what the heck is going on.
Tonight out of the clear blue sky I have two more teenagers to take care of as their parents can no longer do it as there is no work and no money.
Why ME? who am I? not Jesus that's for sure. All I can say is they will have clean cloths to wear not new, a warm place to sleep and a full belly when they go to sleep and yes they will go to school everyday.
I just don't understand this world today, I worked hard and saved for this time in my life and nobody seems to be on planet earth anymore.How! how am I going to do this I just don't know.
I am sorry I bring these feeling to everyone but I have no where else to go and GOD only knows how we will get by but Carol is a special forces soldier and I will survive.
To Ms Jeannie, sweetheart I may need a job. Damn there go the nails.
I guess life throws challenges our way at the most unlikely and incomprehensible times. Right now you have so many questions and fears about why and how you can cope. Life teaches us, as we look backwards we can see clearly the route we have taken, the reason and the purpose. I hope you can focus on the next few days, take a day at a time, and you will slowly find the strength and wisdom to understand and meet this new challenge.
I reach out to you and send a huge (((hug))) and hope you will regain your inner smile and sunshine real soon
Although you don't state whose childred these are or why they were dropped off on your doorstep, somehow I know you will endure. You who have a kind heart and being a compassionate person will find a way of dealing with this situation that has been thrusted upon you.
I myself can not understand why a parent would give up their child just because they have no employment or money to speak of. There are a great deal of organizations that can help in cases like that. I have a feeling that there is more to it than that, but I could be wrong.
In any event I know you will give them the proper care and nurturing that they will need during this time. And with the help of God you will see this through and come out a stronger person.
My heart goes out to you.
Carol,
I can feel your distress, but you're not alone. We all have our crosses to bare, challenges to overcome, sacrifices to make. My coping comes in trying to savor those small moments of pleasure i get, when i can get them. A sunset, a favorite movie, chatting with girls online, a few minutes in a skirt and petticoat. None of them last as long as i would like, but I think of them like gourmet meals, small portions of something special. Then go on with the rest of the day and look forward to tomorrow.
Hope you can get through this. But what you are doing will make a difference. And while the kids are at school enjoy your Carol-time to the fullest. Some day I'll share my current story with you. I admire your sense of caring; it's a lost art these days. rr
Carol. my heaart goes out to you and I know you will make it.
My wife and I raised two grandkids that we had not planned on and I think we made it. Some days we wake up to wonder what life will throw at us next, but later we can look back and say we made it and I know you will too.
I think you can do it! As has been said, we all know you to be a kind and gentle soul and kids can sense that. Then also on the up side, think of the good that you can do for these (as a well known pundit says) "these skulls full of mush!" They can learn acceptance of those who are "a bit different" for the "great unwashed." You can also teach them a bit of responsibility, like cooking, cleaning, yard work, (dare I say, how to hunt to eat, which is something that some of us may end up doing just to survive.) I am not saying make slaves of them, but to teach them to be part of a family requires participation in areas that they may not be familiar with - yet!
Keep it positive and you can turn them into good, solid, productive citizens.
Keep us informed and of course there is the ultimate threat if it comes to that - they either "straighten up and fly right" or they may have to deal with the likes of Virginia, Jeannie, CJ, SL, Elizabeth, et.al.
Love ya,
Virginia
First star to the right, then straight on 'till mornin!
Carol Ann, I'm sorry to hear that. I'm sure there is indeed a lot to this story. Two teenagers can be expensive, I know, so that's got to be a concern, on fixed income. It will cut down on femme time, too, and that hurts as well. You will find the strength to do it, Carol Ann, but it will take some days of getting used to the idea that it's happening.
Not knowing your situation I don't have a lot of advice. But if you are acting as a foster parent, the State should contribute to that. If you are generous enough to open your home to these children, it's not too much to ask the state to pay what they would pay any other foster parents for this care.
I know you are a kind and generous person and can't help but wonder if we are not also talking about "Carol" getting to be Carol. We are your friends. Please tell us what is troubling you. My sisters here have encountered many things and perhaps can offer some specific suggestions.
But if you just need some moral support? We are here for you, just to listen. All I can say is that over the years we have seen you face challenges and overcome them. I can't help but believe this will be the same. Good luck and remember your sisters here are all in your corner.
Let me start by pleading that I am no expert or authority on social and family relations. So take what I say as coming from someone unhampered by any knowledge. I have no children, but I have had my share of problem relationships.
Saying that, I think I shall be accused of being selfish and unfeeling. Frankly I question your wisdom (not your maternal instincts) in accepting such a responsibility. Two teenagers ! Coming from what was clearly a problem situation, they are very likely to have problems and hangups of their own. Are you prepared to deal with them - even on a temporary basis? How well do you know them personally?
My other concern is your happiness and comfort. You are already an essential care-giver for your wife, and that should take precedence over all. Could this care be compromised with the addition of two new persons in the household? Could your health and happiness be similarly compromised? By your own admission, you are no longer a “spring chicken.” Can you handle this?
I think you should seriously consider whether you have done the right thing by yourself, your wife, and these two new invaders. I don’t know what your relationship to the parents is, but it is a major imposition on you to dump their problems this way.
Love & Hugs,
Lydia
"There comes a time ... when you must grasp the bull by the tail and face the situation."
Carol I am assuming these are your grand kids but maybe I am wrong.
I guess my take on this is that it's good that you are able to do this. After all I imagine it would feel a whole lot worse to have them come to you in need and not be able to care for them.
This is the sort of thing our parents lived through in the 30's. I could go on a long diatribe about how the folks who run the world have screwed up but I'll spare you-we're still far better off than most of the world.
Absaroka
everything under the sun is in tune
but the sun is eclipsed by the moon
Carol, I am sorry for your situation. I see more and more grandparents raising their grand-childern. While you may not like the situation, at last you are able to help in this situation to give the kids a home. AH and teenagers on top of it. I will say double prayers for you. Come here and vent more if you need to. I am sure you will be able to deal with the situation. Us CDers can be very creative when it comes to finding time to CD.
Kim
Site Administrator
I am a physically male person that likes to wear feminine clothes at times.
Just trying keep a balance for my self along with keeping my wife and kids in mind.
I'm going to add something to my post, Carol Ann. I don't know that it will make you feel better about your decision, but I think it’s important. I thought of sending this in a private message, as it's an ugly story, and maybe too long for the forum. I decided that everyone could benefit from my dilemma, though, and I'm posting it here.
At two times in my life I had to take in friends that had hit bottom. Both of these people had been highly competent at what they did for careers, and had hit bad times. They were both difficult people to live with.
The first friend put me through hell, with alcohol especially, and his health was going downhill. I kept him for a year, and then began to see that his motivation to live on his own was disappearing. I had to tell him that he had to find an alternative, and that I would help him financially for a time after he found that alternative. He was angry at this, but eventually the deadline came, he got it together, and found a room in a Christian household that provided below-market rents. He went on to live in shelters, and then a single-room hotel, but he made it through.
Second friend was an ex-girlfriend. She began having suicidal thoughts, and could not be alone any more. Her current boyfriend couldn't handle her, and I figured that since I'd lived with her for three years, I could deal with her. Big mistake. She had always been an extreme person, and she was more so now. After six weeks, I saw that my sanity was going away, too—I couldn’t help her if I ended up in the pit with her. I described her behavior to her therapist and her psychiatrist, and both of them said it was time for her to commit herself to a pysch ward. (She did have insurance).
But when she was ready to come out, I told her that I couldn’t have her here. It was a horrible decision to have to make, and I still hate it. I had to acknowledge my limitations—I couldn’t save her. She couldn't handle the idea of going back to her abusive boyfriend, so she bit the bullet, and went back to her own house. She did go on to recover very quickly, and my friends were quick to point out that my refusal was part of her wake-up call. I can acknowledge that things turned out OK for her, but I did not like my role in it. I hated that I had been tested twice, and came through once, in my own opinion.
I know you had the grandkids for the summer, at least, because you mentioned that it was hurting your femme time; they weren’t in school at the time. It will help if there’s some limitation on how long these teenagers will be with you. I know that the foster care system is not what anyone wants to see happen. Maybe there are some other relatives who can step up to the plate for limited times themselves? Like you have three months custody, and then they have three months custody?
You can’t deplete your financial and emotional resources, or it isn’t going to help anyone in the end. That’s a hard call, and we all have to make it on our own. I didn’t like seeing my limits, but they were there, and I had to honor them.
Last edited by Anita on Fri Feb 20, 2009 2:13 pm, edited 2 times in total.
I too, am in a similar situation. My 30 year old daughter and her 3 young children have moved in with us. I had been retired for about a year and was enjoying the freedom of dressing up as often as I wanted until they moved in. On top of that, my wife was laid off and, although she's aware of my crossdressing, I try not to present myself in full dress in front of her. So I am at a standstill as far as dressing up. That also means no more photo ops. It is indeed depressing. Participating in this forum and a few others I belong to helps quite a bit but it's just not the same.
I know I will get through this low point in life as I know you will. Best of luck to you and just know better times are ahead.
Hi Carol Ann
We all thought things would get better as we aged. We could retire,have some money saved and sail off into the sunset. Today,ifyou worked hard your whole life and saved your money it made no difference. Most people lost most of their savings with those so called professional money managers,heating and electric bills look like mortgage payments,and most parents have their grandkids and their kids back home.The government should give child tax credits to the elderly these days.
If you worked for a company for many years and made decent money you are first to go with layoffs. Why keep a loyal,responsible and experienced employee when you can hire a 20 something for the half the pay and no benefits? Those MBAs really know what they're doing. Creating a huge underclass does wonders for the economy.
My paper salesman Sal got divorced and his wife moved to Florida. He now has his two out of work sons and his divorced daughter living with him again. I order paper I don't need because I feel bad for poor Sal.
At least the the goverment threw another 75 billion to the mortgage industry to help lower mortgage rates. All we have to do is wait for it to trickle down. Yeah Carol Ann. That will work.
I'll hire you and we'll split my pay. $100 bucks each a week and all the Papst we can drink. You'll have great perks. Dress anyway you like and drinking on the job is always welcome. You get free room and board and a nice queen size waterbed in Fabrizia's old room.
Dinner with the Gay Team and we can can visit with my three postop transsexual buddies,Sheila,Brenda and Tammi. You can talk shop with Tammi. She was in Vietnam.
I have to get going and make a $6000 dollar deposit and pay $5800 dollars in bills. Like Winston Churchill said" Never. Never give up." Wish all you gals the best. I wish I had the answer but I don't. I'm as clueless as the House and Senate. Big hugs ladies.
Carol,
My youngest daughter, 22, just flew back to the nest last week. Health issues, work, my cooking all factors. C'est la vie, say the old folks....
Jeannie, I'm the opposite with my biz lately, deposit $5,800 and pay $6,000 in bills..... no Pabst (no more Grey Goose, either).
I am sure you will be able to deal with the situation. Us CDers can be very creative when it comes to finding time to CD.