Crossdressing in Public - Acceptance or Eroticism

[Julieann]

Why do we take the chances we do when we go "out"? Are we looking for acceptance as a crossdresser? a woman? or a thrill seeker? I know we all enjoy dressing but not all go out in public. What is it for you?
JulieAnn

[DonnaT]

Opening the closet door. Able to be me and free.

Many, locked in jail, can't wait to get out.

The closet was like a jail cell.

[Elizabeth]

Julieann,

I don't see it as a question of "why go out?". I see it as "why not go out?". It has nothing to do if anyone accepts me or not. There seem to be a lot of people out there that I find unacceptable, and they still come out.

This is who I am. I don't have to keep it a secret. No one has more of a right than me to go out in public. There is no one who is "average". We are all different. Some of us dress as women. Some women, in fact a lot of them, dress as men. This also used to be socially unacceptable. Now, no one thinks anything of it.

What I have noticed is that the more of us out there, the more acceptable it gets. I rarely get any weird looks or rude comments. It's becoming the norm to see transgendered people. So don't look for acceptance, it's not required. And once you see that no one really cares, the thrill changes from worry about scorn to being thrilled to be yourself.

Love always,
Elizabeth

[Virginia]

I concur with my sister, Elizabeth!!! I don't think about the why, it is just who I am and when a girl goes out she dresses. I know for some of our sisters here it is seen as anything from impossible to a challenge to a thrill, and that is fine and nothing wrong with having to think about it but for a few of us it is just our lot in life so to speak.

For example if SL and I decide to go out to eat or to a movie, we just go. I don't dwell on the why or how or any of the ramifications. We are just two girls entertaining ourselves. What is the saying?? "ain't no thing!"

Those that struggle with going out and what the consequences may be, well that is partly what this forum is about. Supporting each other and not holding fault regardless of what decision is made.

Virginia

[KimberlyS]

The first time I went out was shortly after finding I was not the only one. It was like being set free to be me. I just found it comfortable being out and quickly began to just like doing mainstream things. My third time out I went out to eat.

Now I like to just get out and run errands enfemme when I go to town.

Donna, I was similar with the being locked in a jail feeling when my wife and I were working through the CDing issues. My wife was giving me time to CD around home. But the house was just a larger jail cell than the closet.

kim
joe in a skirt

[JoAnnDallas]

I agree with Virginia. My wife and I do the same thing. When I am dressed and we need to go somewhere, we go. I don't worry about if I might get read or not and neither does my wife. I too have started noticing more TG people while out. It like many things, once you start looking for something, the more times you find it.

[Anita]

Why do we take the chances we do when we go "out"? Are we looking for acceptance as a crossdresser? a woman? or a thrill seeker? I know we all enjoy dressing but not all go out in public. What is it for you?
JulieAnn

It strikes me today that for me, it's a kind of a stand-in symbol for all of the ways in which I'd like to be "real" with other people, but for practical reasons, can't find an easy way to do. Being a woman in public is the right combination of extremism, vulnerability, and courage.

[Lydia]

It truly amazes me - how different we are in our CD desires and requirements. All of us are on different points along that long, sloping curve of TG.

In my case, I can forgo dressing for days - but if I didn't know that I would eventually go at least partially en femme, I think I'd really suffer. I don't go "out" much, but being retired (mostly), and having an understanding, cooperative SO, I can dress 50-75% of the time.

When I do go out dressed, I really don't worry much about being read - I worry most about being recognized. A lot of people in town know me professionally and personally, and explanations for my appearance would be most embarassing (to say the least). Thus I have to be careful where and when I go. However, when I drive the 10 minutes to and from my SO's home, I am almost always en femme.

I love the feeling of being dressed. Not being female, I don't really know what being feminine is like - but I believe I am feeling feminine. That is enough for me. I don't know why I need this so much. As I have said before, I have given up trying to explain it - I just enjoy it.

Hugs,

Lydia

[CherryLynn]

Went to a Night of a Thousand gowns a couple of years ago and love it, so many other ladies there. I was so very nervous before leaving the apartment but once out on the street being a girl felt so natural for me. It did help that I was with two other girls- strength in numbers. I realized that iIwas meant to a girl.

[Robyn Katie]

JulieAnn,

Going back to your question as to why ... and the thrill ... As some of the replies show, that part of it appears not to be much of a worry to those sisters who are already out and about, being seen, though they too had to cope with those fears and desires before they dared do it.

But for those who are closeted, or making sneak appearances hoping not to be read --

That thrill! Being not quite seen but coming as close as you can! What is the source and intensity of the thrill? The fearful, giddy impulse to get out there, run risks, be seen a little bit, but not caught and embarrassed. This board is full of stories of people who have risked a lot just to do that.

What is this need to be seen yet not to be seen? To expose yet not to expose? What makes it so overwhelming that many of us ardently push our behavior nearly to the point of being caught?

I have felt its power so relentless I almost could not resist it. Yet it goes along with a fear of being caught, embarrassed, possibly attacked, hurt, arrested, you name it ...

It does seem tied in with early instincts of shame, guilt, etc. that are awfully hard to untangle, and also probably has to do with aversions drummed into us by our parents, teachers, etc.

But why and how does it become so passionate? And scary?

Again, I assume the above no longer applies for our sisters who have made the leap to appearing publicly. But for this closet resident, at least, the sheer power of that impulse, the perverse need to run that risk, is so much stronger than I could have expected that I wonder about how it originates, how it works.

Anyone have an insight about this?

Love, Robyn Katie

[Robyn Katie]

Quick addition to the above.

The phrase "to expose or not to expose" could be misunderstood. I want you to understand that this is NOT about flashing!

Context should make it clear, but in case anyone is in doubt, I meant to refer to the urge to expose your cross-dressed self to others' view, vs. the contradictory fear of being caught, etc.

I probably should resist asking whether the urge of a CDer to expose her/his dressed self has any conceivable parallel to the urge of a flasher to expose his/her equipment ...

Now I really am in trouble. Moderator, if that last para is illicit speech, please edit or remove as you see fit.

No, no! Not the woodshed! Anything but the woodshed!
The--WOODSHED.

Love, Robyn Katie

[Anita]

Robyn Katie wrote:

Again, I assume the above no longer applies for our sisters who have made the leap to appearing publicly. But for this closet resident, at least, the sheer power of that impulse, the perverse need to run that risk, is so much stronger than I could have expected that I wonder about how it originates, how it works.

Given your description of it, Robyn, it makes me curious, too. I'm not sure I ever experienced it quite that way, but I get a clear picture of it from your writing.

When I was CDing as a teen, I had no desire to go out at all--never even crossed my mind, as I recall.

But I have thought that in some ways that what we do is a form of art, and every artist seems to want to share or show off their creations. There's a certain pride in what we're able to do, closeted or not. After awhile, you want to show the world what you can do. That might be part of the impulse; but only part of it.

[DonnaT]

I don't know, Robyn, but unlike Anita, I did go outside. It was the backyard, but it was open to view from the neighbors.

I don't know if it was the adrenaline rush or the freedom, or both, but the urge to go out was there and overruled my common sense.

When my wife and I were first married, she gave me a wig she had, and once I had it on, the first thing I wanted to do was go to the mall. To be out among people.

[Michelle Miller]

IMO, it's like a drug. You get a taste of it, the next one's gotta be a bit bigger, etc. A Hunter Thompson quote comes to mind...

Not that we needed all that for the trip, but once you get locked into a serious drug collection, the tendency is to push it as far as you can.

I think it's different for each of us, the 'why' part. For me, it's not so much about being accepted, it's more about doing something else than sitting at home...'with no place to go' lol.

[KimberlyS]

..... and once I had it on, the first thing I wanted to do was go to the mall. To be out among people.

Interesting Donna, I was similar after finding out I was not the only one like me. There was something within me that just had to get out in public. And the only common sense thing I did was do it while out of town. Otherwise the outing was thrown together and I looked terrible. But for me it was not the the adrenaline rush, or the sense of being seen or caught, or some sexual element. It was the peace within me after all of the people that passed and that seen me, as I slowly walked back towards my hotel room. I was presenting an image of myself that I had never shown anyone because of the many things that I thought of that image that were not good. I had many people see that image, and a terrible one at that. And yes I got some comments, laughs, giggles and such. But what hit me was those that seen and did not seem to care, or those that just smiled and continued on, those that noticed and then just went back to what ever their group was talking about. I was treated no differently than someone dressed in some wild outfit. I was treated as a person.

But it is interesting to hear the different stores and reactions of others. We are all so alike in many ways. Yet we are so different in many ways.

kim
joe in a skirt