Are crosdressers gay

[Sandra Jane]

I would like to know what you girls think. Most poeple I talk to think crossdressers are gay.
I am a crossdresser and I am not gay {well I don't think so]
I would be interested in your views.

[JoAnnDallas]

The ratio between Gay and Hetrosexual Cross Dressers is about the same as bewteen Gays and Hetrosexual in the normal population. What people also don't realize is a majority of the Cross Dressers are married and most of these have children. Polls have shown that the average age of open Cross Dressers (that is those that go out in public) is over 50 years old.
You would not believe the surpise looks I get when I point this out to someone that is not familar with the TG community.

[Sandra Jane]

Thanks JoAnn your reply is very interesting.

[Jan W]

Sandra,

It is a fair assumption coming from the general population.

I know lots of girls who would swear they are not interested in men who do seem interested when the occasion arises.

Some girls say they are straight while in guy mode but like men when enfemme.

I guess there is no "straight" answer to this one.


Jan

[Robyn Katie]

Hi Sandra Jane,

It's sad: most people do think all crossdressers are gay. They are wrong, but the prejudice persists.

JoAnne is exactly right in what she says above. Moreover this question has been answered conclusively in many threads here, also in the literature, and generally elsewhere on the web, backed by good science and statistics you can trust. It should be written in letters 30 feet high like the HOLLYWOOD sign:

There is NO correlation between crossdressing and gayness.

It's understandable, though, given the small amount of thought ordinary people give to these matters, why someone would think, "Hm, he wears panties and a bra and loves to swank around in evening gowns and a wig. Must be gay. I mean, what else would he be?"

Alas, sex is a troubling issue that leaves us hidebound Americans badly rattled. Just the two categories of male and female are more than we can handle. Now here comes "Gay" to be a third. "Too much already, don't bug me with more!"

Now after years of resistance and pretending not to see, the public finally is pushed to the wall. "Okay, I give up, we must have a deviant category we can lump all the misfits into." "Gay" is it -- for most people who don't take the trouble (or aren't forced, as with a loved one or family member) to think deeper. It hurts to think deeper! We hate to think deeper. Especially where what we have to think about is something we think we hate and would much rather punch out ... or dismiss with a jeer.

It points up how big our PR problem is, doesn't it. I wanta cry. But the real point is, we're part of the culture wars whether we wanted to be or not. Rockets' red glare, bombs bursting in air ... and here we are trying to ask people to make what seems to them an annoying distinction.

Pretty much an uphill climb. But we can be thankful for our SOs, our friends, our lovers, our allies, and all the people who do, miraculously, somehow understand.

Love, Robyn Katie

[Absaroka]

It is often the gay men who are most open about crossdressing, although a lot of folks who do drag shows are straight also. But most cross dressers are straight, and most like being men and don't want to be women.

I think the misperception has to do with the following reasoning. If he's wearing womens clothing he must be doing it to attract men. Therefore he is gay. But I think for many crossdressers it is more along the lines of it being another way to be inside a woman.

We don't talk about this sort of stuff that much here but many men like to masturbate and fantasize that they are women while dressed. But according to what I have read, and my own experience mirrors this, the man in the fantasy is always-me. So in someways it's similar to a fantasy a lot of couple have sometimes of being their partner during sex.

Absaroka

[Robyn Katie]

"... many men like to masturbate and fantasize that they are women while dressed. But ... the man in the fantasy is always-me. So in someways it's similar to a fantasy a lot of couple have sometimes of being their partner during sex."

Interesting point, Absaroka.

For me personally I'd say that's definitely true on one level. But on another level it's a passionate search to find the woman in me I know is there, even though she and I are still not very well acquainted.

So many of us began with enormous sexual excitement over the clothes. That's still there for me, for sure. But for some of us (not by any means all) it's broadened out to a real female identity search.

But that's a whole nother thread. (For those who haven't seen it, it's:

http://crossdressers-haven.com/forums/v ... 7&start=30

especially pages 3 and after.)

You said "most crossdressers are straight, and most like being men and don't want to be women." That needs emphasizing to reassure anyone who has doubts and fears that this could turn into a slippery slide.

Only a few of us (what is it, 3% or so?) will ever become transsexuals, an important realization for those new to the urge. The rest of us never go beyond some point less far along on the scale.

Love, Robyn Katie

[Michelle Miller]

Well, I'm 'gay' as in 'happy', but I've never had the desire or inclination to follow through with anything sexual as far as going along with the gender presentation at that moment goes.

I'll just stick to my mini-orgasms when I find cute shoes, that's quite enough for me.

[DonnaT]

Being transgendered (and a crossdresser) may mean one is dual gendered, male and female.

ERGO

If the female part is attracted to men she is straight, if she is attracted to women she is gay.

If the male part is attracted to men he is gay, if he is attracted to women he is straight.

A conundrum, yes?

Can one who is transgendered be either or the other, but not both?

Whatever the case may be, I know what I know and am not concerned with labels.

I am only attracted to my wife, in either mode.

[Tania María López]

Is important to know whether crossdressers are gay or not?

Is it important to know whether the girl in the cash of the market is lesbian or not?

Why is people so interested in the sexual orientatiosn of others if they are not going to have sex with them?

Sometimes, in an email or message someone I don´t know says to me: "Hi, I´ m a straight guy and I like your pictures ..."

I don´t understand the reason he needs to tell me he is straight. We are not going to have sex!

[Kay]

......I am only attracted to my wife, in either mode.

Ditto
Kay

[April Rose]

Ditto again. Or is that "Tritto"?

[KimberlyS]

Sandra, I struggled a lot growing up because my up bringing taught me that only drag queens and sissies wore girls clothes and they were both gay. I did not like boys in that way, only girls. So I guess I was waiting to turn gay. But I never did. Then the internet came along and I found out I was not the only one. I am one of the many happily married.

kim
joe in a skirt

[Carolynn]

Interesting. If you are TS and finally come out to family and friends to begin your transition, the first words out of their mouths after "You're gonna do what?" are "Does this mean you are gay?". It is really hard to get across to people that being TS is about self-identity not sexual orientation, since if they have never doubted who they are, they can only relate it to their own occasional secret doubts about their own sexuality. I dare say that het cds might have an inkling of what a TS is talking about, and that is far better than a "straight" or "gay" male.

Wives of TS and CDs seem to react similarly to one another following the "are you gay" question. Usually with embarrasment/anger (what will people say about me and my family/why didn't he tell me before I committed myself to him?), feelings of inadequacy (if I were more of a woman then this wouldn't be happening..or that's what people will say), and concern over their own sexuality (was I attracted to him because he was feminine--am I gay?). About the best response is loving and sympathetic attempt to understand.

[Amanda Barber]

There definately are gay crossdressers.
Sexual orientation and gender ID are 2 different things. This work in both straight and gay individuals.