Finding a friend

Renyta Willow · Post by **Renyta Willow** » Thu May 07, 2009 1:47 pm

Before I pose my question I should include a little backround. I have been cd'ing since the age of 6 and like so many others it took me many years before I finally accepted myself, I am 69 years old. My wife knows that I dress and is not happy about it, mostly because I waited 47 years before telling her. My cd'ing is limited to those times when my wife is out of the house, which means a couple of hours a week.

My problem is finding a cd friend close to where I live, someone who is interested in talking, shopping and possibly going out and about dressed. Part of the problem might be where I live, I live in a very conservative area, Lancaster County, Pennsylvania. I have tried some of the on-line sites and have been bombarded with requests from a bunch of creeps who want a date and "have some fun".

I have found while most people on cd sites on the internet are very nice, they are hesitant to reveal any information that might identify themselves even in private messages or e-mail. I can understand this and I feel the same way, the last thing I want is for someone to out me to friends and family.

So I guess my question is; How do I find someone in my area that just wants to be a friend?

I hope you girls do not think I am some kind of a crazy person, it is just that sometimes it feels so lonely with no one to talk to about something that is such a big part of your life.

P.S. There are no support groups close, I have already checked.

Renyta

JoAnnDallas · Post by **JoAnnDallas** » Thu May 07, 2009 1:50 pm

Have you looked to see if there is a support group near you. Another resource may be to look and see if there is a LGBT center near you. Also see if there is a MCC church near too.

Absaroka · Post by **Absaroka** » Thu May 07, 2009 11:20 pm

If there is no one near you you will need an out of town friend or support group. There must be stuff in Philly.

Absaroka

Renyta Willow · Post by **Renyta Willow** » Fri May 08, 2009 10:17 pm

I was able to find a TG support group about 60 miles away in Harrisburg, PA. While it is further than I would like go I guess I don't have much choice. Philly is out of the question, it would take me several hours to make the trip and there are other problems there that I would not like to be involved with.

One major problem I will have to deal with is my wife's fear that I am going to get involved with some group then decide to leave. She feels that I would prefer living as a woman and being involved with a TG group is just another step in that direction.

I will try my best to get her to join the group, that may help to quiet her fears.

Thank you so much for the help and advice.

Renyta

JoAnnDallas · Post by **JoAnnDallas** » Sun May 10, 2009 12:21 pm

Most TG/CD groups allow the wife to join too. My wife is a SO member of my Tri-Ess chapter. We go together to the meetings. She enjoys it too. She talks with the other wives and they usually have their own meeting.

Erin L · Post by **Erin L** » Sun May 10, 2009 9:28 pm

Renyta Willow wrote:One major problem I will have to deal with is my wife's fear that I am going to get involved with some group then decide to leave. She feels that I would prefer living as a woman...

How do you feel about that? Do you think you would? Or is it a misconception that she has? If it is, then I would think it would be something that you should talk about. If you do, it might take your discussion and your relationship in a different (and better) direction. But first you need to know how you feel about it.

Hugs,

Erin

Renyta Willow · Post by **Renyta Willow** » Sun May 10, 2009 10:38 pm

To JoAnne,
The group I have looked at in H-burg does encourage SO's to join. I now have to try and convince my wife it would be a good idea for her, at this point that will not be an easy sell.

To Erin,
Would I prefer living as a woman? Since the age of 7 I have dreamt of being a girl, I would go to bed and pray that in the morning I would wake up a girl. Now at age 69, NO, I can not do that.

Would I leave? NO, I will not do that even though my wife says I have all the resources. We have been married 47 years, I respect and love her too much to do something like that. It is love and respect that made me tell her my secret in Jan., I did not want her to find out on her own. We have talked about many things in the past 4 months but I don't think I have been able to make her feel better, she still thinks I am going to just pack up and leave. I try every day to show her in every way possible that I am here until the end.

Thanks so much for your input and advice.
Hugs,
Renyta

SharonRose · Post by **SharonRose** » Sun May 10, 2009 11:23 pm

Renyta,

I've met several of the gals from the Harrisburg group. I attended their conference in March. They are very nice people. The group is well organized and they have some interesting events.

I recommend being honest with your wife and letting her know you would like to attend the meetings, and that she is welcome to attend too.

Sharon

DeeDee · Post by **DeeDee** » Fri May 22, 2009 12:33 pm

Support groups are a great way to start getting out. After awhile you learn about even more and more things going on. We go out quite a bit in informal settings now, having met so many others. So...its that first step that opens the door.....after you open your door the first time and walk out

Its not easy I know, but rewarding.
hugs
DeeDee

CeciliaO · Post by **CeciliaO** » Fri May 22, 2009 10:26 pm

Hi Renyta, IMO, checking out the group nearby is the best way to go. But I'll play Devils's Advocate a bit...

It may be a good idea to check the group out yourself first, break the ice... and while doing that check out the SO's if any are in attendance. The reason I say that is although some CD/TG's have SO's who are accepting that does not mean total acceptance by any stretch of the imagination.

Recently the SO of a late bloomer I know came out to "his" SO and she attended a group of women who were so negative and bitter she made up her mind to terminate their relationship without looking further...

For many SO's it is toleration at best and it will never become anything more than that, and for many it goes downhill after a long period of partial acceptance. IME, I have observed SO's who attend group meetings and other "get-togehers" just to keep an eye on their husbands, and that is fine up to a point as it allows the CD to at least go that far.

OTOH, if the group checks out OK and your wife is willing to attend you may be lucky in more ways than one, you may find another couple like you who would like to compare notes and maybe they also had to travel 60 miles to attend! It may be advisable to attend several meetings as not everyone attends every meeting.

I wish you and your spouse the best of luck. Cecilia

Renyta Willow · Post by **Renyta Willow** » Sat May 23, 2009 10:23 pm

Hi Cecilia, Thanks so much for your input. I am still trying to get in touch with the group in H-burg, I sent an e-mail with some questions and am waiting for a reply.

The wait has given me some time to talk to my wife about the group, I have shown her some info I downloaded from their web site. I got the response I expected, "I'm not interested in going to any meetings.". My wife does not get involved with any groups, she even refused to join a church or have anything to do with any of the groups within the church. She attends church almost every Sunday but that is as far as she will go, she will not even go to the coffee hours after Sunday service, it has been that way for over 20 years.

My wife told me after I came out to her, that if she had more money she would leave me. I did not expect that response and I'm still trying to get over it, so I guess she is one of those SO's who tolerates it. I am still not sure how she is going to handle it when I tell her I am going to go to a meeting, I might come home to an empty house. She still thinks that I an going to up an leave, I am trying hard every day to convince her otherwise.

I will let everyone know how I make out at the first meeting.

Thank again for your input, Renyta