Heartfelt Thanks

Kimberly Kael · Post by **Kimberly Kael** » Thu Jun 04, 2009 5:29 pm

It feels like I've been conspicuously quiet around here lately. Part of it was the hectic run-up to Diva Las Vegas and the remarkable experience of having my wife, Kiera, join me for most of the week. Another major contributor has been redirecting time and energy into integrating my transgender expression into my day-to-day life: it now feels like the day is rapidly approaching when I'll be living my life full-time as a woman. I'll post more as the story evolves.

Exciting? Yes. Scary? Sure. Could I have made so much progress in coming to terms with my feelings over the past few years without this community? Not a chance. I just wanted to take the time to say "thank you." Thanks to the wonderful people I've met, to the founders for creating this community, and to the moderators for keeping it welcoming and minimizing the amount of fantasy drivel.

Even though I've started participating on another site as well to get more of the TG/TS perspective this continues to feel like a warm and friendly place to hang out. Thanks again.

Post by **DonnaT** » Thu Jun 04, 2009 10:35 pm

Hope all goes well, Kimberly.

Anita · Post by **Anita** » Fri Jun 05, 2009 2:43 am

Hi Kimberly--
I didn't remember that you'd ever been considering living fulltime. Thanks for letting us know that we've meant something to you over the years.

I hope that in the future the board will be more viable for transitioning people, too. There's a beginning to that, but it's not enough yet.

Absaroka · Post by **Absaroka** » Fri Jun 05, 2009 6:35 am

Thanks for your thanks Kimberly. I've always enjoyed what you had to say and I hope the future goes well.

Absaroka

Anita · Post by **Anita** » Fri Jun 05, 2009 10:15 am

Hi Kimberly--
I also wish you the best in your approach to fulltime living as a woman. It's a big deal, and I feel you have a good attitude toward it, from reading your posts over the years.

CJ · Post by CJ » Fri Jun 05, 2009 9:26 pm

Hi Kimberly,

Glad this forum has served you well over the past few years. Like Anita, I wish you a good future.

Love,
CJ

Robyn Katie · Post by **Robyn Katie** » Sat Jun 06, 2009 6:14 am

Hi Kimberly,

An exhilarating and (for me) unforeseen post. Congratulations! And thanks to you, too, for having given this board as much as you have.

I know your transition will consume much of your time, energy and attention. Still I hope you'll keep us posted; a lot of us will be eager to know how it's going.

Not to pry, but I am especially curious as to your wife's response and her views on what you are doing. Her supportiveness I know means everything. What can you tell us about how she is taking it, thinking about it, etc.?

To be doing this as a cooperating couple is remarkable, and anything you could tell us about it will inform us greatly.

Love, Robyn Katie

Kimberly Kael · Post by **Kimberly Kael** » Sat Jun 06, 2009 5:42 pm

Anita wrote:I didn't remember that you'd ever been considering living fulltime.

Robyn Katie wrote:An exhilarating and (for me) unforeseen
post.

It certainly isn't a new thought. One of the reasons I was so keen to go to Diva Las Vegas last year was to spend a full week as Kimberly. I knew it felt like it would be the most natural thing in the world - but what if I quickly tired of the routine? Or it turned out awkward and uncomfortable in practice? Of course what I experienced was that switching out of girl mode after the week was one of the most emotionally wrenching experiences of my life. That's when I knew I had to start coming out to friends and family in preparation.

I know I haven't talked much about the desire to go full-time, except maybe occasionally in informal chats. Part of the reason was not knowing how long it would be before there would be a viable next step, and dwelling on it while Kiera and I were working through our feelings would been unnecessarily hard on both of us. I suspect another contributor to the surprise is the path I'm taking. "NoHoNoOp" (no hormones, no SRS) transitions aren't exactly the rule.

Anita wrote:Thanks for letting us know that we've meant something to you over the years.

Very much so! While there were certainly numerous online resources that helped me get past the feeling that I must be the only one out there, this was the first place I found that really felt like a warm, caring community. Somewhere I could feel comfortable, which was a huge part of learning to accept and embrace who I am.

I hope that in the future the board will be more viable for transitioning people, too. There's a beginning to that, but it's not enough yet.

It feels like there was a traditional dichotomy between closeted cross-dresser and transsexual destined to stealthily merge back into general society. That divide is starting to give way to a broader spectrum; cross-dressers who are out, transitioning without surgery, and other points on the spectrum that just weren't viable within our society are gaining prominence. That alone might be enough to start changing things here.

I also wish you the best in your approach to fulltime living as a woman. It's a big deal, and I feel you have a good attitude toward it, from reading your posts over the years.

Why thank you! I know there will be challenges along the way but I'm looking forward to the journey, not just the destination. I appreciate your kind words and those of so many others.

Kimberly Kael · Post by **Kimberly Kael** » Sat Jun 06, 2009 5:58 pm

Robyn Katie wrote:I know your transition will consume much of your time, energy and attention. Still I hope you'll keep us posted; a lot of us will be eager to know how it's going.

I'll certainly do just that. There are still lots of details to line up before I'll be taking the first formal step at work, but just acknowledging that this is the path I'm on is a huge first step for me.

Not to pry, but I am especially curious as to your wife's response and her views on what you are doing. Her supportiveness I know means everything. What can you tell us about how she is taking it, thinking about it, etc.?

I can certainly give you my best understanding, but I've also let Kiera know you've asked and perhaps she'll weigh in with a more accurate accounting of her feelings at some point.

She's certainly not thrilled. This isn't exactly the way she dreamed our life together would go, but on the other hand she can see just how important it is to me and my happiness is extremely important to her. Spending time around other trans folk and their significant others has certainly touched her, and reading the stories of others including parents with transgendered children brings her to tears. It's harder on her some days then others and right now she is clearly mourning the loss of the man she married, which feels odd from my perspective but on reflection is perfectly reasonable.

So it's hard on her, but she's also very engaged in conversations about everything from naming, to timing, to how best to approach people and sort out the remaining awkward family angles. She even suggested renewing our vows together with her in a feminine tux and me wearing a wedding dress and we're going to be planning exactly that for the not-too-distant future. She means everything to me and we're going to do our best to make it work.

To be doing this as a cooperating couple is remarkable, and anything you could tell us about it will inform us greatly.

I wish I could take any credit for having done something right, but a huge part of it is the strength of her devotion to us as a couple and her empathy for my struggles. I do try not to be too selfish, and I do my best to be a supporting, loving partner. I'm getting better at not avoiding awkward truths but rather telling her about important things in a timely manner no matter how hard the ensuing discussion might be. I've made sure that she feels included and welcome in all aspects of my life, but that wouldn't work for everyone. So far it seems to be working for us. I certainly hope it's enough to get us through.

Robyn Katie · Post by **Robyn Katie** » Sun Jun 07, 2009 5:05 am

Thank you, Kimberley, for being willing to enlighten us. You're traveling in a direction many of us have thought of and wondered about. I know many of us will look forward eagerly to hearing from you as time goes on.

Heartfelt best wishes to you both, and special wishes to Keira for all the qualities that have led to her loving and courageous support for you.

Love, Robyn Katie

Kimberly Kael · Post by **Kimberly Kael** » Mon Jun 08, 2009 2:53 pm

Robyn Katie wrote:I know many of us will look forward eagerly to hearing from you as time goes on.

I'll post whenever it feels like a good conversational topic but I'd feel odd keeping what amounts to a running monologue. Anyone who would like more of that is welcome to visit the blog I've finally linked to my profile:

http://homepage.mac.com/kimberlykael

Anita · Post by **Anita** » Tue Jun 09, 2009 12:18 am

One of the reasons I was so keen to go to Diva Las Vegas last year was to spend a full week as Kimberly... what I experienced was that switching out of girl mode after the week was one of the most emotionally wrenching experiences of my life. That's when I knew I had to start coming out to friends and family in preparation.

This thread is bringing up some old feelings in me, and what you're talking about in the above quote is one of them. That has happened to me at least once that I remember vividly, and has happened many other times in lesser intensity.

I don’t have to worry about my partner if I transition. She met me as a woman, in the TG support group, and she really does accept me in both genders. She has had a preference, and that might have changed back and forth over the time we’ve been together, too.

There’s a certain longing that comes up reading your post, Kimberly, and that is no longer a concern to me, it’s just there. I may never follow through on it, because what I have now is a good balance for me. But I also know how that balance can change.