Imagining Gender - Beyond the Clothes

[Robyn Katie]

Hi Sisters,

I have a question for you.

Some (probably not all) of us CDers, as part of our gender-switching, have a habit of projecting ourselves into a female state. As best we can, we use some trick of feeling or imagination to "pole-vault" to the other side of the gender barrier.

So my question is: When you imagine yourself female, what is your personal way of projecting yourself into the feminine?

I'm sure for a lot of us it began with the clothes. But dressing only takes you so far. I'm guessing that for most longterm CDers something further is needed to bring your imagination into play.

So, if you're someone who imagines yourself into a woman's state of mind, what do you use as your focus of imaginings?

Female role?

Female attitude?

Female behavior?

Physical grace?

Emotional tone?

... or something else? The more specific the better.

Well, I guess in fairness I should try to go first.

For me it's partly imagining myself built up anew from scratch ... altered body shape, genitally female, inside a female body looking out. I try to imagine the experience of female hormones to go with the physiology.

Then I try to add on sensations of recall: a prior life spent as female. That's all I am. Female and nothing but. And try to feel that.

Sometimes this works well. For the times when it doesn't, I try imagining myself seen as female through someone else's eyes.

Or I try to imagine myself as a girl or woman I've known in some particular circumstances, going through an episode, maybe a crisis or something. Being very specific, this is limited but good for times when nothing else works.

And then, of course, some of us have been writing our "Female Autobiographies" on thread

http://crossdressers-haven.com/forums/v ... hp?t=10837

which is, I guess, a way of taking it to an extreme ...

So, what about you? Do you attempt this at all? (Some don't.) If so, how do you manage it? I'd like to hear about how you "think yourself female," how well it works for you, what do you do when it doesn't work, etc. etc. ... any details you'd like to add.

The results should be interesting!

Love, Robyn Katie

[KimberlyS]

Hi Sisters,
So my question is: When you imagine yourself female, what is your personal way of projecting yourself into the feminine?

I'm sure for a lot of us it began with the clothes. But dressing only takes you so far. I'm guessing that for most long term CDers something further is needed to bring your imagination into play.

I use to struggle with the male versus female switch until one time while dressed feminine it hit me. I was not male / female for me, but it was me presenting my masculine or feminine image of myself. I always felt male, just sometime felt more masculine and sometimes more feminine. And interestingly the masculine and feminine feelings do not always align with the clothing I am wearing.

kim
joe in a skirt

[DonnaT]

No, can't say as I attempt to project myself into a female role.

[Robyn Katie]

Yes, Donna, I expect there are quite a few who don't. In fact, given the relatively small response so far, it may be that relatively few of us do.

It's a peculiarity, but I've found myself needing to.

And Kim, I agree ... the feelings don't always align with the clothes.
They arrive when they darn please, regardless how appropriate (or not)!

But I've found I can summon the feelings, too (sometimes), as I tried to describe in my first message above.) And how others of you do that (if you do) was what I was asking about.

Or am I the only one who does this?

Love, Robyn Katie

[KimberlyS]

Robyn I am sure there are more that are similar and can relate to you. During the summers posting here tends to slow down as people can not get here as often with their busy lives.

[Kay]

Sitting here at my poota, I am thinking about what to wear this morning and I have tried to project myself into my female 'self'. I guess Robyn I am a bit of a disappointment but all I think of myself is being a bloke in a skirt. When I first came out to my wife she said that I was 'acting up' when I was dressed, being all girly etc. and that that she would be happier if I could just be myself. When I realised that just being myself was OK then things settled down.
So, No I don't consciously project myself into my female persona. My male and female personalities are two sides of the same coin.

Cheers
Kay (and me)

[Absaroka]

I'm pretty much one person. However there is a specific part of that one person that sometimes seems to be more present when I am trying to imagine myself as female.

It's kind of hard to describe. I guess I would say it is a sort of sensual attunement to the world, specifically the natural world. The wind feels a bit different, the moonlight a little more mysterious, the woods at night a little darker. The dragon flies are slightly more vibrant colors, the coyotes sound a little bit more exotic. The skunk cabbage smells more like perfume.

The thing is that this is a part of me, period. I have many times of feeling this while in total male mode. But wearing a dress in an empty field at night feels like a way of inviting this state of awareness in.

Female mode, if anything, is also more selfish. My girl side is less giving to others. Of course she is. She's all wrapped up in her clothes and busy lying to the world about her very existence. But that's just another part of me. I guess you'd say my inner girl is too insecure to give to others, so the inner guy does it. Although I try to be supportive to folks here, I've always felt I am doing it in a somewhat male fashion.


Absaroka

[Leeza]

With me it is not so much getting into the physic as it is a feeling or almost a compulsion that my femine self needs to get out for awhile.

When that happens there is the need for the makeup and to be as presentable as possible.

If I go all out and the need is not there it just isn't the same.

Leeza

[Angela]

I wouldn't know how to begin to project myself into a female state of mind. For me it's always been the image, the clothes, shoes, hair, makeup, etc. My objective when I dress is to look as convincing as a woman as I possibly can, I want to look into the mirror and see an attractive well dressed female called Angela.

[Carolynn]

Hi Robyn. I think I understand what you are asking, but for me it was a daily putting myself into a sort of mental/emotional male mode. I used to rise 30 minutes before needed to get to work, to transform to the guy that was expected, and I have to admit, it often did not last all day. There were some days it did, but it was always a relief to go home and let the mask of my male self drop. It was one of several reasons I always needed to live alone. When it became so much a chore to become that guy that I wanted to just stay home, call in sick, end it all, or something, I knew it was time to stop pretending and begin the process of transitioning.

There is another thread on the forum, I think Monday morning blues was the title, that sorta pertains to the idea, maybe. That was about the chore and feelings of having to put "her" away and return to him. I may have related more to that than to this thread, on reflection.
Carolynn

[Robyn Katie]

Yes, Carolynn, we seem to come at it from different places ... you from femaleness struggling to come back to the male role, while my posting of this thread comes from maleness struggling to escape into the female role.

Your post was truly enlightening, though because in just that phrase, "I wanted to just stay home, call in sick ..." you recalled to me times when femaleness became so strong it overpowered my ability to return to the guy role and kept me away, dwelling in the female. And that brought back dozens of moments like that, which forgetfulness had hidden away.

So I realize I have a lot in common with where you're coming from, too. Which is nice to know.

Love, Robyn Katie