I recently shopped in drab at Lane Bryant, Dress Barn, and a few other places and had no trouble using the fitting rooms. In fact, the sales people seemed quite friendly. The down side was that I was not happy with how I looked in most of what I tried on. So, I'm wondering if anyone has had good luck getting assistance from the sales associates beyond tolerance? I would love some help in fashion advice, fit advice, and even zipping up sometimes. Has anyone done this with good result?
thanks
Danielle S
Help while shopping
Moderators: KimberlyS, CathyAnn
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Carolynn
- Miss Diamond Goddess
- Posts: 2754
- Joined: Mon Oct 13, 2003 12:52 pm
- Location: Oklahoma City area
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Hi Danielle. Try going shopping with someone more knowlegeable about size and fit and help each other in the fitting rooms. Only at high end shops will sales associates be available to help, give opinions, etc. like you seem to want. They do not offer it to GGs at most shops either, so don't feel slighted. They expect their customers to buy what they want, and really are not in the business of educating people on style (which is an individual thing anyway) or size. The other thing is that they may not feel comfortable being in the dressing rooms area with a man, and you were in drab.....
Part of your dissatisfaction with the hang of the clothes may have been the lack of a bra and padding since you were there in drab? Did you take one with you? Remember that the cut of the clothes are made for women, not men, and there are certain sexual dimorphic scales with proportions established by physical anthropologists a long time ago that are used in the industry to cut patterns. Rather than finding clothes that fit YOU, you will likely have to shape your body to fit the clothes.
I did go to a Lane Bryants' store early in my transition and threw myself on the mercy of a sales associate for help in bra fitting. She did a pretty good job, and she did offer advice on clothes that would be most flattering. I told her I was TS (which was true) and that I had not grown up learning these things (mostly true) and she was rather helpful. I bought a rather lot and I am sure she got a nice commission on the sales, but I also personally thanked her and dropped off some pastries the next morning for the staff. They have a high employee turnover at most stores, and the associates may not have the best motivation in the world. If you find a good one, patronize it for all it is worth as long as it lasts.
The range of items at Lane Bryant's seems to have decreased with the economy, and most of their new stores are a bit smaller than in the past and are in the smaller strip malls. Wonder what's up with that?
I found a small shop last year called Essentially Women in the southern OKC area that are very TG friendly. There a sales associate did a lot in doing a private fitting for bra's, and suggested foundation garments or shapewear to help me fit into clothes not meant for a biological male (by the way, I made an appointment to get that bra fitting done. While friendly, she did not want to risk embarassment for her other customers nor for me.) She also recommended a different cup size to make the clothes look and hang best. I bought a different size set of prosthesis to match as well on her recommendation, which are really nice and should last until my breast augmentation (sigh). I am allergic to most glues used to keep forms in place, so I now own several good fitting mastectomy bras that do the job well.
There are people who, for a fee, will help you find your way in all this, and in other things as well. They are called life coaches or style coaches, and will be able to give advice on clothes, makeup, shoes as well as other things, like attitude and walking with a feminine walk using feminie gestures that help you fit in while shopping. Sometimes these lessons are rather expensive, but you get a lot from it too. Unless you have a cooperative wife or girlfriend, this might be the best way to go since then you will enter a store knowing the same thing any other woman would enter with, perhaps more. A few of these vendors across the country are post op TS and are very TG friendly.
A CD transformation shop can do some of the same things, but I have not been impressed with the results I have seen from them to date. They seem more oriented towards creating a club wear look than an every day look that one might need while shopping, and makeup, while well blended, is applied with a trowel.
Carolynn
Part of your dissatisfaction with the hang of the clothes may have been the lack of a bra and padding since you were there in drab? Did you take one with you? Remember that the cut of the clothes are made for women, not men, and there are certain sexual dimorphic scales with proportions established by physical anthropologists a long time ago that are used in the industry to cut patterns. Rather than finding clothes that fit YOU, you will likely have to shape your body to fit the clothes.
I did go to a Lane Bryants' store early in my transition and threw myself on the mercy of a sales associate for help in bra fitting. She did a pretty good job, and she did offer advice on clothes that would be most flattering. I told her I was TS (which was true) and that I had not grown up learning these things (mostly true) and she was rather helpful. I bought a rather lot and I am sure she got a nice commission on the sales, but I also personally thanked her and dropped off some pastries the next morning for the staff. They have a high employee turnover at most stores, and the associates may not have the best motivation in the world. If you find a good one, patronize it for all it is worth as long as it lasts.
The range of items at Lane Bryant's seems to have decreased with the economy, and most of their new stores are a bit smaller than in the past and are in the smaller strip malls. Wonder what's up with that?
I found a small shop last year called Essentially Women in the southern OKC area that are very TG friendly. There a sales associate did a lot in doing a private fitting for bra's, and suggested foundation garments or shapewear to help me fit into clothes not meant for a biological male (by the way, I made an appointment to get that bra fitting done. While friendly, she did not want to risk embarassment for her other customers nor for me.) She also recommended a different cup size to make the clothes look and hang best. I bought a different size set of prosthesis to match as well on her recommendation, which are really nice and should last until my breast augmentation (sigh). I am allergic to most glues used to keep forms in place, so I now own several good fitting mastectomy bras that do the job well.
There are people who, for a fee, will help you find your way in all this, and in other things as well. They are called life coaches or style coaches, and will be able to give advice on clothes, makeup, shoes as well as other things, like attitude and walking with a feminine walk using feminie gestures that help you fit in while shopping. Sometimes these lessons are rather expensive, but you get a lot from it too. Unless you have a cooperative wife or girlfriend, this might be the best way to go since then you will enter a store knowing the same thing any other woman would enter with, perhaps more. A few of these vendors across the country are post op TS and are very TG friendly.
A CD transformation shop can do some of the same things, but I have not been impressed with the results I have seen from them to date. They seem more oriented towards creating a club wear look than an every day look that one might need while shopping, and makeup, while well blended, is applied with a trowel.
Carolynn
"It’s not given to anyone to have no regrets; only to decide, through the choices we make, which regrets we’ll have,"
David Weber – In Fury Born
David Weber – In Fury Born
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KimberlyS
- Site Administrator
- Posts: 3341
- Joined: Tue Feb 24, 2004 4:01 pm
- Location: North Central USA, SD
I will just ditto a bit of what Carolynn said. SA knowledge varies along with their comfort factor with you. I have found if you want help to pick out fashions you just need to ask and most will step right in. You should be able to quickly pick up on their comfort factor. I have also noticed some take a while to warm up to us. But do not push them to do more if they are not comfortable with it. Comfort may also come after they see you a few times. My experience has been act and be a serious shopper and be treated like one no matter what mode I am in.
To some or many think all guys that wear female clothes are weird and/or perverts. This can be a big educational moment for some seeing we are just your average male that likes to wear feminine clothes. And you do not need to be making any big speech about it. Just being a decent and relate able person that is shopping is all you need to do.
kim
joe in a skirt
To some or many think all guys that wear female clothes are weird and/or perverts. This can be a big educational moment for some seeing we are just your average male that likes to wear feminine clothes. And you do not need to be making any big speech about it. Just being a decent and relate able person that is shopping is all you need to do.
kim
joe in a skirt
Site Administrator
I am a physically male person that likes to wear feminine clothes at times.
Just trying keep a balance for my self along with keeping my wife and kids in mind.
I am a physically male person that likes to wear feminine clothes at times.
Just trying keep a balance for my self along with keeping my wife and kids in mind.
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Danielle S
- Miss Silver Goddess
- Posts: 36
- Joined: Sun Sep 14, 2008 6:32 am
Carolynn
Thanks for your extensive advice. To answer one thing - even though I was in drab, I was under-dressed in my usual foundations (bra, waist cincher, briefer, butt pads and nylons. I carried my forms into the fitting room in my coat pockets. So, I was about as close as I get to a feminine shape at the moment, which is not very close, I guess. I asked the question partially because while I was there, another SA was helping a GG with fit and look advice. But I guess I know it is a bit beyond the call of duty for a LB sales person to help a pretty obvious male with outfits.
I was actually pretty impressed with the selection at LB this time - lots more dresses in the clearance rack and a good variety of skirts and tops, including some manequins showing combinations that I was actually able to try. One of these outfits actually looked the best of the lot, but alas was too expensive for me at the moment.
I will have to keep trying.
Danielle S
Thanks for your extensive advice. To answer one thing - even though I was in drab, I was under-dressed in my usual foundations (bra, waist cincher, briefer, butt pads and nylons. I carried my forms into the fitting room in my coat pockets. So, I was about as close as I get to a feminine shape at the moment, which is not very close, I guess. I asked the question partially because while I was there, another SA was helping a GG with fit and look advice. But I guess I know it is a bit beyond the call of duty for a LB sales person to help a pretty obvious male with outfits.
I was actually pretty impressed with the selection at LB this time - lots more dresses in the clearance rack and a good variety of skirts and tops, including some manequins showing combinations that I was actually able to try. One of these outfits actually looked the best of the lot, but alas was too expensive for me at the moment.
I will have to keep trying.
Danielle S
