How Do I Tell My Mom?

[Joselle]

I just want to get this into the open..she's 83 and I feel I must tell her..Any ideas?

Jos

[DonnaT]

Why do you want to tell her?

Is she an accepting type person?

Is she in good health and can take such news?

My mom accidently saw my avatar picture. She had no idea it was me, so I came out to her trying to convince her it was me.

May not work for everyone, so, just coming out and telling her may work best.

[Joselle]

I feel I have to get it in to the open Donna I feel a need to tell

[Michelle Miller]

Well, if it's going to shock her so badly, that it might be a danger to her health/well being(hence Donna's 'what kind of health is she in?" question), you might want to tone it down a bit, maybe try the humorous approach...eg. "Hey mom, remember how you always wanted a daughter?"

[Leeza]

Joselle, I can feel where you are coming from. I visited my Mother's grave yesterday for the first time since her funneral in 2001. My biggest hurt was that she was never able to accept my crossdressing. I am sure that she knew about it because of what happened when I was a kid and the therapy I went though years later. There has always been that wound that has never healed though we did have a close relatonship.

If your Mom is not in good health though you wouldn't want to be be cause of her demise.

Leeza

[Wendae]

Don't do it!

[DeeDee]

My mom knew..she caught me waaaay back when I was 12 or so. When she was undergoing chemo treatments, she always stopped at my house with dad to unwind after. One day, my silly dog came trotting out with one of my heels in his mouth....mom kicked it (the heel not the dog) under the coffee table so dad wouldn't see it. I never told her, but moms being moms....they know. I wouldn't outright tell her now in your case, given her age and all...but maybe a hint, general chat or something could help. Just my 2 cents.
Hugs
DeeDee

[Geri Robinson]

I was told by a friend that you should not tell anyone unless they need to know. Remember that once you open that door you cannot close it.
I always wanted to tell my mom but couldn't do it for she too is 83. What I did do though. On one Halloween I dressed up as a Flapper. I took a picture and gave it to her. She had a good laugh, I felt a bit embarrassed. But that picture is one of her favorite ones. She said that she always knew she had another daughter. Also on another occasion I stopped by her house dressed as a German Bar maid. I had a corset on, Brest forms, wig , makeup, the whole thing, she couldn't keep her hands off me. We took pictures together and we went on our way to our party. I never told her I was a cross dresser. She is still with us, I have never had any repercussions and my need to tell her has been settled.

[Staci]

I have only told a few people in my life, my wife who accepted at first, but a year or two later was repulsed by it and often says very hurtful things about and does not allow me to do, but I do. I told an older friend who was like a mother to me, she accepted it and still loved me but she passed many years ago. In 2007 my mother was dying from cancer, growing up till I went to college I would set my hair in rollers and dress in my mothers clothes everytime she left the house.I would leave the rollers in my hair till the last moment when her car would pull up. Each time I wish I would have the courage to go down the stairs with the rollers in my hair in her dress or skirt and heels and she would open the door and see me and accept me as a girl and I could be the daugther she always wanted. I realize that I could not let her die without knowing. Finally I left for a long drive to my mother's nursing home. shortly after leaving I changed in my real clothes or at what I had at the time. A leopard blouse, black long skirt, black sweater, and leapard high heel boots, and my wig at the time. shorty after that I pulled over and with my hair which was grow out and over due for cut. I put my wig away and set my hair in over 20 large rollers and place them under a beautiful scarf. I need to see my mother as I always dreamed not in a wig. I walk in the nursing home just before closing dress as woman with my hair set in rollers, something even most girls would be uncomfortable, my mother accepted it and understood that I respected her so much that I wanted to be like her and she told me I was a beautiful woman. I took off my scarf and she caught me in my rollers like I always wished and she was impressed and realize she had taught me to be a true woman. That was the last time we talked she pasted a couple days later I was there but she was not wake. A couple weeks eariler I told a very close friend, she was a real girly girl and the first person I could really talk to about it. I thought we would get closer but instead our friendship ended right after my mother pasted.

[Stephanie W]

Joselle

That decision can only be yours. As others have said, her health should be a consideration but if she is OK, then perhaps you could break it to her gently such as a halloween picture or something non threatening so you can test the waters first. I'm guessing your desire to share this with her at this stage of her life has more to do with that special bond between a mother and her son and wanting to share something very personal with her before it's too late.

Hope it works out ok.

Stephanie

[Joselle]

Hi everyone

Thanks for the responses girls

Sorry for the slow response.another girl pointed out to me today I may have left a few people hanging

Well I didn't tell her..read all your responses thought it over for a few weeks and then decided not to bother to say anything. Turns out she probably knows anyways. My uncle from England came to visit her in July and I think he may have explained a few things . Apparently she made remarks about my long hair and earrings and he had some words for her. He didn't go into what he told her..just that they had the conversation.

I'm going to approach her on as to what was actually said....waiting for the right moment
I need to know if she understands

[KimberlyS]

Jos, I hope it goes well what ever you decide to do.

kim

[Stephanie H]

Mom's know without knowing as do older sisters if you are close to them.