relationship roller coaster ride

[WendyC]

Hello, I just wanted to see if anyone had some insight into the mixed messages that my wife sends me about my dressing. I told her a few years ago and since then she has gone back and forth from not accepting to semi acceptance. Its usually semi acceptance. I follow her rules about not dressing in front of her and as she has asked I dont talk about it unles she wants to. Its the different extreme directions she takes that frightens me. She goes from being ok with it and throwing in jokes in which we both laugh for a month or so , then will have a blown out anger episode and just a few weeks ago baked a batch of cookies , turns to me and said "take these to your TG support group tonight so that they can enjoy them." One minute she saids she cant accept me then the next minute is supportive. At least twice a month she asks me to do her nails along with a pedicure. -----Wendy

[KimberlyS]

Wendy I am on the same roller coaster ride. My wifes tolerance has gotten generally better over time but still the ups and downs. I find the lows and highs follow the lows and highs in the rest of her life. Enjoy the ups when you can.

I consider the CDing just part of the mix of life that brings her up and down. When she is over all down I back off on the CDing and show her extra love and do extra things for her. Find her hot button. If my wife is down one thing I will do is get her some flowers.

[DonnaT]

Being in a relationship and being trans can be quite a rollercoaster ride for some of us.

My wife's known for 33 years and the rollercoaster just sails along. Not so bad these days, but that sudden drop is still anticipated.

About all there is to do is let it ride itself out. I don't get angry with her flip-flopping, buut instead, just guietly listen and let her rant/whatever.

It passes, and life goes on.

YMMV.

[Jadeanne]

just a few weeks ago baked a batch of cookies , turns to me and said "take these to your TG support group tonight so that they can enjoy them." -----Wendy

We are both members of the support group and the cookies tasted great.

[Pat]

After reading some of the stories, I can relate very much to the problem.
My ex (some 4-5 yrs ago), had encourage me to by a bra because my breasts were becoming pretty obvious.

Then one thing lead to another where I dressing more feminine than male,
including panties, nighties, blouses, etc. then after our visit to Dr. about my sexually, he suggested that we sleep in separate rooms, and that when she said that sleeping with me made her feel as if she was sleeping with a lesbian.

Well that where the marriage ended. I must admit that I am much happy now without all the pressure that I was under.

I did follow up re transitioning but was too physical male body wise in becoming a reasonable passable woman & my age was also against it, so I live as man with very fem traits

[WendyC]

Thanks for all the insights from everyone and thanks Jadeanne for the cookie compliment--I will pass it along . I do try to focus on the high points when they occur. It is a difficult thing to balance out my life with the feelings that she has. I honestly thought this would go smoother specially after two years of her knowing When she speaks of betrayal it hurts alot but i understand where shes coming from.

[KimberlyS]

... I do try to focus on the high points when they occur. It is a difficult thing to balance out my life with the feelings that she has.

Do remember the high points and they help get through the low ones. And finding balance in life is general is not easy as it is a moving point. I try to focus on making my marriage relationship good over all and not just on the CDing parts. As everything is inter connected and affect the over balance of your life and your relationship with your wife. Both of which are moving balance points.

Some thing that helps me at times is a quote I once heard. You can not change something bad that has happened to you, you can only choose to look at it in a positive way to help you learn and grow.

Sometimes for me it is not easy looking for the good. But sometimes having to work hard to look for the good also makes it easier to get through it.

kim
joe in a skirt

[Absaroka]

Mixed messages are often a sign of mixed feelings. These things are often very important to our spouses. Why shouldn't they be. They are after all important to us.

Absaroka