i'm having a problem

[Rebecca Pratt]

I really don't know how to put this into words. Since i've started wearing my women's white sweatpants, because it lets me be Rebecca and i like the feeling it brings by wearing my clothing. But lately i've not been able to go shopping for more womens white sweatpants simply because i'm ashamed to go and get more. It's just become so hard for me to do it. I want more but it just seems so pointless. Womens white sweatpants are the only feminine clothing I like and the rush feels great and all but i need more courage to do it i feel like it's hopeless at this point because I sometimes feel ashamed wearing them yet I get the urge seems to hurtful because of what might happen if i get found out help.

[DonnaT]

Get found out? How?

Buying something soooo simple as sweat pants, even if they are white, is not very likely to give anyone else ideas about you.

It's not even close to buying things like bras and panties.

Relax, get what you need, and enjoy them.

[Erica S]

What is going to happen if someone notices you buing the pants? As Donna said it is not like buying a bra or a blouse or nylons. Do not feel ashamed as you have no reason to feel that way. You have a rigth to fee good about wearing what feels good on you. Get the courage, leave the guilt behind and get another pair or white sweatpants and let us know how you did .

Erica

[TiffanyAnne]

Hi Rebecca,

It sounds like you're bringing the onus upon yourself. Whereas in your mind you see white sweatpants as being feminine, more than likely not many other people do and will not look twice at you at the checkout stand. I actually bought a white sweatsuit myself a while back because I liked the look and cut. I actually never thought of it as looking/being feminine. So when you go out take a breath, relax, tell yourself it's nothing and have fun shopping!

[Michelle Miller]

So when you go out take a breath, relax, tell yourself it's nothing and have fun shopping!

This.

If you can get past the paranoia of 'is everyone looking?', it's smooth sailing from there on out. When I was first building up courage to buy things, out in the open, I'd just tell myself, "this stuff's for me, not my audience." Now, it's nothing for me to stroll into a clothes shop, a Sally's, or whatever and ask for help, whether in or out of my feminine attire.

[Anita]

Hi Rebecca--
Well, reading between the lines, it sounds like it's not only the buying that bothers you.

i feel like it's hopeless at this point because I sometimes feel ashamed wearing them

Feeling ashamed of wearing them is a harder feeling to get around. Part of the reason I decided to go out in public was because I knew it was the only way I wouldn't be ashamed of wearing the clothes. When I wore them in private as a teen, I was ashamed of them. When I wear them in public as an adult, I'm not ashamed of them.

The only reason I'm saying this is to let you know that I understand the shame that comes up from time to time. I disliked it so much that I took the extreme of going out and making it public. It wasn't the only reason I did it, but it was one of them that I knew would make a difference.

How to ease the shame, while still keeping it private? I never had an answer to that one as a teen. The shame kept coming up. It never stopped me from doing the dressing, though.

Acceptance is certainly one of the keys, and there's lots of posts about that here. As far as buying, you do have to deal with clerks who know the origin of the sweats. There's always self-service registers to get around that problem. You are fortunate in that sweats are very neutral in appearance, whether you're carrying them or wearing them.

[JoAnnDallas]

I have shopped in Drab and en fem for women clothing. I have found the SA's don't care who you are. They will help you find what you want, ring it up at the checkout, and thank you for shopping at their store. So I would not worry about buying woman's White sweat Pants. Just go into the store and buy them, take them home, put them on, and have fun.

[Rebecca Pratt]

You are fortunate in that sweats are very neutral in appearance, whether you're carrying them or wearing them.

Well I but womens white sweatpants not mens. I have a pair from victorias secret that if anyone would see me lugging around would look suspicious. thank you anyway for the kind words and yes I'll have to continue shopping for my next pair of womens white sweatpants. Victorias secret has some good pairs.

[Dalindra]

I feel for you as I have never shopped even in a goodwill store for any girls's clothes. I buy everything online.

I am not ashamed just self-consious about what people will think and afraid someone I know will see me.

[Martina]

I have problems buying panties and nightware out of embarassment. But every now and then I travel to a city where I am not known to buy undies. I usually make it worthwhile and buy a lot of stuff e.g. 10 panties and 2 or 3 nighties and bras. This can make it look like you are buying for someone else. For anything else I buy in the nearer towns. I usually go in as early as the store opens, get what I want and go straight to the counter. This usually works fine. Sometimes it's so early that the SA is not there because it's not busy and that can raise the heartbeat a bit. I have no problem buying female sportsware because they can appear to be gifts especially at Xmas. Buying on line has let me down sometimes. The last time I bought on line I purchased ruffled panties (my fetish since childhood) on ebay in the U.S. Because I live in Europe the seller had to fill out a customs slip and she wrote PETTI PANTS as the contents description on a label which was stuck to the front of the envelope. I only hope that the postman has no idea what that is. Why she didn't just write clothing on it is a mystery to me. So now my online purchases are made in Europe. Apologies to the U.S. economy. I think that the older you get the easier it gets to buy in stores.

[Stephanie H]

One does not need to explain to the clerk their purchase.
Just give yourself a small test and purchase something. That will lead to additional success in other purchase.
Don't sweat the sweatpants. Just purchase them

[MsJoann]

I just go into the store and get what I want. Sure, some ladies will notice but I have never, ever had a comment thrown at me. If they do, it's their problem and not mine.
For the past couple years, I dress 50/50 male-female daily (even at work), with my long hair usually in a pony tail. For many previous years dressing in drab, I never had a problem meeting women, in fact they would always approach me. Now, since I dress feminine, they must assume I am a fag and stay away.
I believe that if a man displays his desire to show his feminine side, he should not be accused of being gay.

[Bernice]

Well I buy women's white sweatpants not men's.

I do a lot of sewing (or did before my vision got presbyopic). I look carefully at the architecture of clothing and study what makes something designed for one gender over another. For every rule I've found exceptions, notably men's or women's blouses that button like those for the other gender. Never in all my life have I ever noticed any difference in sweatpants for one or the other, except for size, and perhaps some trivial allowance for wider hips. There's not even any allowance for male genitalia.

If someone "reads" your sweatpants, I guarantee they have first given you a wedgie, and taken a magnifying glass to the label, and read "Victoria's Secret" and/or "22W" or somesuch. If that actually happened, then you've already got worse problems!

Unisex is Unisex, and you don't get much more unisex than sweatpants, so wear your whites with pride, dear.

Hugs,

Bernice

[Pat]

Yesterday I went shopping in Big W, picket up 2 straight skirts and 3 very nice blouses, went into the fitting rooms, tried on the skirts, blouses. and walked out to the cash registers, no comment, no looks, no one took any notice at all. Most of the stores are just happy to sell the clothes to any one.
Just go in and enjoy the shopping experience.