Can I still be hetro after this experience?

[Martina]

Have other hetro CD's had "gay" experiences while cross dressed even though you are hetro. I have had experiences that may seem like fantasy to some but I swear this is true and want to share it and get opinions. I have one friend who knows I cross-dress. I had lots of contact with this person through sport, work and travel. He helped me through a rough time in my life and we bonded more strongly than most male friendships do. I can't remember exactly when we crossed the line but during drink fuelled intimate conversations he told me that he had an unrealised kink for spanking women over his knee. I confided in him that I fantasized about been a girl getting spanked while wearing frilly tennis knickers and we knew we were on common ground. It developed from there. The next time we travelled together to London on a project we found ourselves, without planning it, in the women’s section of a sports store buying a tennis outfit including ruffled panties for me. We went back to my hotel room via the pub for a couple of inhibition busting drinks and I changed into the outfit. This was the first time I had ever been seen by anyone dressed up. The atmosphere was very good and we talked and laughed a lot. Physically it felt ok between us because at the time I was in my mid 20s only 5'3" and 120lbs and he was in his mid 30s, 6ft tall and weighed about 190lbs. I think this was important. It made me feel more girly, vulnerable and submissive. I bent over, spun and jumped around so that my panties would show. Eventually he told me that I was a very naughty girl. He took me to a chair, put me over his knee, flipped up my skirt and gave me the first spanking I had received since I was a child. He didn't hold back either. I felt it for hours afterwards. Latter I swapped my skirt for jeans and kept on the panties and shirt and we went out to a pub. We had these sessions very regularly over the next few years. Sometimes more than once a week, especially after I bought my first house. It was on the way to the airport and he would overnight with me regularly. I was usually cross dressed while he was in the house and often he would request what he would like me to wear. He travelled much more than I and sometimes he would come back from trips with dresses and lingerie for me. The price I paid for these new clothes was to take many trips over his knee, sometimes even when I really didn't want to. But I never got tired of it and always looked forward to the next time. When we travelled together I would enjoy packing the female part of my luggage. Other times we would have to buy “emergency” clothing in the duty free. When we could we would share a twin room which meant I could remain dressed in his company for longer periods. I loved changing into female clothing without even having to say anything. It was expected that when we were in these situations I dressed as a girl. It was the norm.
There was never any sexual exchange during these sessions outside of slapping and patting my bottom. My panties only came down for spanking and never came off. We slept in different beds. The only other thing we did was massage. I usually was the masseuse and was always cross dressed while doing it. Because he was so much bigger I would straddle his lower back to do his shoulders and back and he would comment on how he could feel the ruffles on my panties or how he could feel the heat from my spanked fanny. If I was wearing a bra and falsies I would lean forward so that he would enjoy the feel of my boobies. Because we were scantily dressed on these occasions we could see each others state of arousal but never "went there". Usually he was fully dressed and I would be in a nighty, dress or skirt. We would often spend the entire evening in, with me cross dressed. I would change into a nighty for the last hour or so and these evenings always ended with me getting spanked and sent to bed. This went on for years and our extended mutual group of friends never knew about it. Most of the time we were not in relationships. When we were it would usually stop and resume when we ended up single again. It came to an end when he had to emigrate. We hardly saw each other for 10 years. Very recently I dressed in very ruffled panties and a female robe, that we had bought together years ago, while he overnighted in my house. But nothing happened, not even a remark. I asked him the next day if it had bothered him and he said "not at all" but he did not appear to want to go back to the good old days. He was over on serious business and perhaps this affected his mood. I would love it if he would get his interest back. We are both 15 years older now and perhaps this has changed how he feels. I am not as pretty as I used to be either but my bum has remained round and girly and we never did the makeup/face thing at all anyway.
Despite all this I still say that I am totally hetro. I have no interest in men and everything we did was just living out a fantasy. I feel very lucky that I was able to do it. I have read that hetro men in "all male" situations like prison or ships for example often compensate for the lack of female company and then revert to normal when released. I saw an old English solider been interviewed about his time in Colditz prison remarking that when they put on theatre performances in the prison the people who played female parts often let their hair grow and remained cross dressed following the performances for the rest of the war. He said it lifted their spirits (except his, he wasn’t bothered with that sort of thing, sure he could barely remember it 65 years later!) to have some femininity around the dreary place and even the Germans didn’t object. He said that this is not talked about now because people who were not there wouldn’t understand. I think all of us would totally understand.
I know that my community would say that what we did is gay but what do you girls think?

[DonnaT]

There was never any sexual exchange during these sessions outside of slapping and patting my bottom. My panties only came down for spanking and never came off.

Therefore, it appears that all y'all did was act out a non-sexual fetish.

I'm not hung up on labels, but since you asked, I wouldn't say it was gay, because there was no sex, and apparently no kissing?

Again, with respect to labels, you have not mentioned any sexual attraction to men or women. so it's impossible to tell whether you are bi, gay, hetero or asexual.

[Martina]

Hi Donna
You probably missed it but I did say that I had no interest in men in the last paragraph. I consider myself to be totally hetro with a skeleton in the closet. This is the only aspect of my life where I interacted on a sexual/fetish level with another man. Having said that, this friendship has lasted over 20 years whereas any of the longest relationship I have ever had with a woman has never exceeded 3 years. I have female friends which I have known for decades but could never have begun to go to this level of "fun and games" with any of them. If I was BI I would be looking for a substitute to replace my friend. But I am not looking. I have a great affection for this guy but it is not love as in the normal understanding of love. It is not brotherly love because there is no way you could have a relationship like that with a brother. We never kissed or petted as a courting couple might. But we went a lot further in fantasy than most hetro couples would. My posting was very long but it only gave a general overview of what happened between us.
Martina

[Elizabeth]

Martina,

Being gay is a sexual preference. Many people partake in same sex experimentation who are not gay. Many people in prison have gay sex, but are not gay. The act of gay sex does not make one gay. It's about who one is sexually attracted to.

If one is attracted to same sex partners, one is gay. If one is attracted to opposite sex partners, one is not gay. It's really that simple.

Love always,
Elizabeth

[Virginia]

Someone once told me that as we go through life we have many acquaintances but friends, you can, if your lucky, count on one hand! This adage does not discriminate between male or female friends. Another definition is an acquaintance will come to jail and bail you out. A friend will be sitting next to you in the cell saying, "damn that was fun!"

A couple of years ago, I had occasion to be invited to a local formal (Gay/Lesbian) dinner dance. I am neither, gay nor lesbian more of a male lesbian, but that's another story. I went with my friend who was within just a few months of having her SRS. I posted here about how any of my sisters would react at such an event should they be asked to dance by either a male or female. Now you know that gays can read us probably better than anyone else, but I looked good!!! and as they say, it ain't braggin if you can do it! Anyway, I was unsure how I would react but a very nice looking guy did come up and ask me to dance and I graciously accepted. He treated me as I would expect a woman to be treated. He walked me to the dance floor, we danced and it was a slow dance and he was every bit the gentleman, thanked me for the dance walked me back to my seat, pulled out the chair for me and smiled as he left. I had two additional dances with different guys and all were gentlemen and treated me like a lady. Does that make me gay? I think not! As an aside, gay guys can charm your panties off! that is figuratively speaking.

What you did with your friend I guess is maybe for some of us a bit extreme but in my mind, no different than sharing a dance with a guy when presenting as a woman. Now if sex had consummated the relationship that does put the entire event into a different light!

Love,

Virginia

[Bernice]

I certainly didn't read anything gay about your experience, Martina.

When I was 8, I experimented several times with a neighbor boy, starting out in just underwear, but eventually both of us totally nude. There was touching, but never kissing or penetration of any kind. I don't feel warped by this experience, and I think of myself as heterosexual (as in I wouldn't ever consider sexual intimacy with anyone whose body parts are just like mine).

I worry sometimes on this forum that we are all so very supportive that we fall into paralyzing groupthink. For example, I agree with everything Elizabeth and Virginia just wrote. Maybe it's just easier than thinking. Maybe it's because they've earned my utmost respect. Maybe it's just because we all agree. I hope so.

Hugs,

Bernice

[Martina]

Thank you all for you opinions.
Virginia commented that what we did was extreme. I don't think it was extreme especially since it was an activity that just involved cross dressing and a level of phyical punishment that was accepted as normal in families and schools right up to recent times. I would use the word "extraordinary" perhaps. It was a role play game that was almost childish in it's nature (we all played mammies and daddies) that involved two common enough themes i.e cross dressing and spanking. The more I think of it now while I am writing this, it was absolutley immature!. Perhaps thats why my friend isn't interested anymore. He just grew up. I am sitting here in a babydoll nighty and frilly panties and would love to be phyically chastised in a manner that I think some submissive women will still accept from their husbands and I know that I will never grow out of it. But I will be waiting a long time before someone will come to play. But least you get the wrong idea about me. I crossdress because I love dressing up and been in feminine clothes. The spanking is a bonus and I have been dressing for the last 10 years without that element of fun but I do fantasize about it a lot. I know sissy maids and "school girls" also enjoy spanking in their cross dressing and some of that which I have seen on the web is extreme and we would never have gone that far. I was marked badly once but that is a seperate story.
I do think now, following your comments,that it was not a homosexual experience but an extraordinary role play game that lasted an enjoyably long time and I miss it.
Hugs
Martina

[Absaroka]

It sounds to me like you know what you like and who you are attracted to. So the discussion is not about whether or not you are attracted to certain groups of people (gay, straight, fetish) but merely what word to use to describe all this. Sort of like knowing who you are but remaining nameless, compounded by the fact that values are ascribed to certain names.

Ab

[Kira Dias]

'Sounds like a gay experinece to me. I've been drunk out of my mind and hit on by a guy, but I never "slipped up" and played the role of a woman in a sexual encounter. I'm definitely a crossdresser, but I'm also very hetrosexual. It sounds like you have suppressed desires to share a same-sex experience, and that is perfectly okay. That said, you need the group to say the opposite of what you know to be true.

Of course, I'll receive responses stating I'm terribly insensitive, but this is a "forum". Oh well, let the "spankings" begin (pun ABSOLUTELY intended). I've been beaten by the moderators of the group before, what's another one?

[Sally]

I would suggest that when a person says they are totally hetero then if that’s what they truly believe in their own mind, then that’s what the situation is, 'one swallow doesn't make a summer', so to speak.
I’ve said many times over the years that I believe we are what we believe we are irrespective of what anyone else may say. We alone know what is truly in our mind above what anyone else may suggest.

I questioned my sexuality way back in the days when ‘gay’ still meant happiness and joyous, and I would suggest that many of us have done the same over the years, but it always gets back to the only thing which matters is what’s in our own mind.
I’ve never had an attraction to men, but of course we are labeled and seen through the eyes of many different people as something we’re not, but that’s life on the street. The world is constructed on language and words, and if there isn’t a word for something then in the minds of most people it doesn’t exist in reality. Of course many people experience identity issues if they don’t identify in a positive manner with a word which has been created to define their sexuality, or some degree of it, and this is a legacy which labels can leave us with.

Whatever anyone is, or however they identify themselves, we know there are a high number of variations which overlap in various gradations on the spectrum, with male at one end and female at the other, these are the two extremes of the continuum. Where each of us fit into the space between is usually governed by our social relationships, our bodies externally and within our genes, our culture, and the relationship we have within our own minds with ourselves as to our belief of how male or female or anything else we are within the continuum.

Being Gay, Bi-Sexual or anything else is not wholly about physical contact with another person of the same sex, it’s also how we perceive ourselves within our mind. Gender identity is a crucial part of our true and real identity, and how we perceive ourselves is what really matters, as opposed to how others believe who or what we may be.

I would suggest that what is most important and relevant is NOT any label which others would bestow upon us, but what we decide we personally are. We have to take the responsibility for whom and what we are, or who we wish to be anytime in the future, self determination is an important component to a healthy contented mind.
So, if you believe in your own mind that you’re heterosexual, then that’s what you are, why question it? Do you have lingering doubts and that’s why you bring the subject up or is it something else?

As Elizabeth said, it’s really simple, yes or no, you’re the best judge of the situation and know the truth, sometimes fantasy gets mixed up in fact, everyone has fantasies at times, and that’s a fact.

Kind Regards,

Sally.

[Martina]

Hi AB
Thanks for your comments but I don't need to be told anything other than what I know to be true. It is only the opinions from this community that I am looking for and yours is just as valid and as interesting as any.
Martina.

[Weave]

I'm no expert, but I think it's more fetish related than anything. My personal take is sure, hetero is still possible.

[Azurielle]

You can still be hetero after pretty much anything you do, unless, of course, you're still attracted to people of your own sex.

Why do people feel a need to affix labels to everything.

Just do whatever you like, you're master of your happiness.