non-passable crossdressing

[Anne Bonny]

A few prefer to go burley with bristles yet dressed in beautiful feminine attire. Disconcerting, I'd say - have you broken any mirrors from the shock waves you send out? But if you feel feminine and pretty that's all that matters really. There are some who just want the right to wear women's clothing with no mistaking by anyone that they are men. "I am a man who wears dresses" that's alright. I want to feel my inner beauty and femininity. My light shins from within and I must be smooth and as polished as I can be. Nothing like feminine fabrics against smooth soft skin or even smooth leg against smooth leg - such a feminine and delicious sensation - why deny yourself the opportunity to feel beautiful, and to look your best?

[April Rose]

I think Robyn Katie has it very close to the mark, regarding both Willie's question and the more general problem we all face. Whether it's Willie's beard or my baldness we can decide to accommodate the stereotypes or not, but the sense of isolation, even when we have done the work of coming to terms with who we are, is ongoing.

For those of us who choose not to go out, I think, the problem is compounded. We're uncertain because we are breaking social conventions,
and we have little or no personal contact with fellow convention breakers.
Even an empathetic spouse is not always enough to overcome the doubt.

That is why I am grateful for the internet, and for sites like this.

[Absaroka]

Very well put April ROse

Ab

[Gaven McLaren]

As long as your not planning on going out among the public dressed, I say NO Problem, Have Fun.

I have to heartily disagree with you. I dislike the way I look with out my goatee and go out wearing a skirt and fem tops. Work on your confidence and self acceptance and wear what you want. If you are married talk to your SO before doing so.

[Bernice]

I suppose I'm not one to talk, since I spend most of my time in the closet, or at least in the house. Still, even I would be more comfortable if our sisters would make at least the most obvious concessions to femininity before going out in public dressed en femme. This would include covering any body parts obviously male. For unshaved legs, tights or slacks serve the purpose. However, an unshaved face should be covered by a Birka. If a Birka won't attract attention, then that's a reasonable solution.

Going out when one isn't even willing to shave one's face seems to me to be asking for trouble, and also seems to be flaunting the conflict, even to the point of being intentionally confrontational.

My personal rule is if it is daytime, nothing less than an all out effort to pass is acceptable. That means full makeup, wig, and extra padding in essential places. I don't impose my rules on others. It is a free country and I hope it stays that way, but the realities of hatred and bigotry are such that being confrontational just seems to be begging for trouble.

Sorry I'm such a prude.

Hugs,

Bernice

[KimberlyS]

How each of us dresses and if we go out in public or not is really two inter-related questions and answers.

First is has to do with who you are as a CDer. And only you can answer that. We all dress a bit different and for different reasons. There seems to be this huge gray area or spectrum so that each of us as a CD is as different and unique as is every person in the world.

Second it has do do with your comfort level What are you personally comfortable with. And your comfort level may change depending on if you are at home, in a hotel, at a CDing conference, at a support meeting, at a club, with friends or alone, at the mall, and many other situations.

And third if you are going out so much of it is a mental game between your own ears. So much of going out is attitude and comfort with who you are as a person.

Bernice, I will say if your personal rule works for you go by it.

But I have learned first to know where you are going and know the crowd of people you will be dealing with. Yes hatred and bigotry will always be out there. Heck people are still fighting the civil war and other people believe a woman should not vote. You can go to the mall, a fitness class, or just walking down the street and you could be shot. And that is not being known as a CDer. My experience as a person and as a CDer has taught me that in general there is safety in a public group of diverse people.

There are places I will not go to in male mode so it only makes sense there are places I should not go while CDing. So when I go out enfemme in general I stick to public places like malls, restaurants, general shopping stores, movies, plays, museums, and other similar places. I shy away from bars, the rodeo and other places that may have a concentration of people that may like like my feminine attire. I will also tailor my feminine appearance to where I am going. If I am anywhere near home and people I know I present a society acceptable feminine appearance that conceals my male identity. When traveling away from home my appearance varies from full femme to a guy wearing feminine attire that is in good taste and blends with what the GG's are wearing.

Going out and about enfemme is not for all CDers. If that is not who you are then stay home and enjoy yourself. For me I have learned I need to get out and about enfemme at times. And my experience has taught me that people in general are a lot more tolerant and accepting than what I thought they would be. I also believe very much so that others tolerance and acceptance of who we are, starts with us.

kim
joe in a skirt

[Willie W]

I have found that I can satisfy my urge to crossdress publicly by dressing in moderation. for instance, I can be a man wearing a skirt or a pair of women's jeans and otherwise be dressed in male attire.

[Bernice]

I read something here not long ago - in a sticky I think -about SkirtCafe, so I had a look for myself. Hmmmm. I guess attitudes have been changing while I was hiding in my closet. Almost nobody there has had a significant amount of hassle for wearing a skirt while presenting as a man.

I guess for me it seemed rather dishonest of me to present as a man in a skirt or kilt. Oh, I have enough Scottish ancestry to make a case for wearing a kilt - provided there is an occasion where such would be expected. Perhaps I think I am not manly enough to wear a kilt?

Time for me to catch up with the times! After 44 years of crossdressing you'd think I would have learned all there is to know about it by now.

Hugs,

Bernice

[Willie W]

I belong to both Skirtcafe and Meninskirts and discussions on both sites has made me feel it's okay to just wear a skirt (or a kilt) without dressing in other female attire. Of course, I also belong to The highheelplace which subscribes to the nothion that it's okay to wear heels without dressing up in any other fashion. And then there's Pantiesformen and Pantykin which says the same about only wearing panties. So I take all these outlooks with a grain and do whatever I feel like doing.

[Michelle-Lynne]

I've been dressing for over 50 yrs now and never gone out dressed. I have never tried to be passable and surely couldn't with the mustache that I grew at age 21. CD'ing if for my personal pleasure and I truly envy your position with an understanding partner. Congrats. My dressing is limited to only a few items of clothing as opposed to full feminine dressing. I enjoy every minute of every pair of panties, pantyhose, thigh hi's, and all that I wear.

[Anne Bonny]

Most of us are not thin or shapely we have broad shoulders, larger biceps (naturally), narrow hips, larger forheads, facial hair, etc.... What are we supposed to do when we are transgendered? If you feel feminine that is all that matters. If dressing helps you to keep intouch with your inner femininity enjoy.

[MelodyPerkins]

I am not passable.

I also have a full beard, which is necessary to maintain family harmony.

What is most important to me is feeling feminine. I wear a mixture of male and female clothing, depending on the venue.

At work, nearly everyone knows that I want to be a female. Everyone accepts it, and even think it's kind of neat. Many of the women share clothing, make-up and scents with me. They often ask me if I have any eyeliner or barrettes, etc. They treat me as a female. They carry on typical female conversations with me present. They ask my opinion about clothing and ask me for make-up advice. Most have no problem with changing their clothing with me in the room, even though I am attracted to females. They regard me as a female. While there, I feel most like a woman. that's all that is important to me.