now at 53 a-little peace

[Conie Sue]

hi all , been a long time since i've been here, glad to see your still here and doing fine, i'll tell you a little back ground first, my second wife of 20 yrs. now got back together 12 yrs ago after a year seperation, both being acholics and me being a cd which see knew about and could'nt stand, me being a macho contractor in construction, and living with three people lol wife - me- and cd me a real living hell ,and being drunk did'nt help matters , so for the yr. we were apart from each other i got help with my drinking and honest with myself about who and what i was for real not what other people expected, but only me, in that yr i found some balance in the two sides to be one , instead of ripping me apart, a yr pasted quickly and my wife contacted me and we meet, talked, seemed she had also done some rehab and soul searching, i still dressed in the evenings when i could and begun wearing only panties and hose full time, she asked if i still did those things, i hesatated to answer for a moment and she said you are are'nt you, i said yes, she why? thats when it came to me !! i simply i don't know why and could'nt tell you if i wanted to, which i would do in a heart beat if i could, i love you and i'm still the same guy you love, so began to tell her what i discovered, if you think this is hard on you then try looking at it from my side, this is "not" something i decided on, or thought up ,hoped to be as a small boy, i have battled it my whole life torn in conflict, guilt and shame, being what i have been threw i would not have wished this on my worst enimies. how could you ask me to explain such a thing i had nothing to do with, the only conclusion i have come up with is god made me this way, so who am i to judge his work or reason for it. she gave a long pause and said could you just keep it private,and not too flamboiant, she must have known not to give a crossdresser to much rope he'll surly hang himself with it lol, so with that behind us and 11yrs later we've got a comprmise, baggy sweats for me in the evenings will conceal alot and upstairs freedom for me to dress as i please, but in moderation not my selfish needs but in the middle some place, looking back? would i change anything about myself if i could, the answer is "no-way" i would'nt have missed it for the world. thanks for being here, Connie Sue

[DonnaT]

Welcome backe Connie.

Good to hear things are getting better.

You can't fight yourself and win.

[Sally]

Hello Conie Sue,

It’s nice to see you again, it has been a while hasn’t it.
I wish you both all the best in the world and hope it all continues to work out well for you both. Sometimes it’s a rocky road we travel isn’t it, and many hurdles are put in front of us, but if we’re able to negotiate them successfully we may emerge better for the experience.

I’m really deeply moved by the simplicity and honesty of what you said in regards to your feelings and how hard it’s been for you, plus your honesty in saying that you don’t know why you do what you do, and that’s the crux of the whole issue, nobody can currently say why with any indisputable authority, there is promising medical scientific research and theories in train, but they're not there yet with proof to the satisfaction of all.

We just do what comes natural to us, the same as breathing, eating or sleeping etc. Sometimes we may overcomplicate the issues and look for answers which currently aren’t there, and the resulting consequences can be quite stressful on everyone involved, you know the saying, 'too much information can etc', which can often be incorrect information, whereas a simple answer of ‘ I don’t know and I couldn’t tell you if I wanted to’ is the simple truth, even if it’s not what others want to hear.
After a lifetime of hiding, I came to the point some years ago where I started saying to people that I’m made the way I am, this is how it is , I had no control over it then or now, and if I offend you in the least then I’m sorry.

I’m all for simplicity, and people simply have to come to the understanding that when you and I, or any of us have a conversation together, we know exactly what the other person is saying and we can empathize with what the other is saying. We know exactly what they’re feeling, but for people not of our ilk they have absolutely no possibility of being able to feel what we do or have a true understanding of what we’re saying. It's not the same as two plumbers, two builders or two doctors on the job talking together, there they know and understand exactly what the other is saying.
It doesn’t matter whether it’s our partner, family, co-workers or strangers, if they’re ‘on the other side of the fence’ then all they can offer is token sympathy, but they can never really understand or experience it all as we do.

I’ve stood up in front of audiences over the years and spoken at length on TG issues, and all the while one is looking at the faces of the listeners, and one can see that they have no real grasp of how it is, they may be sympathetic to the issues, but they cannot understand, and we can never blame them for that, they can never feel within their spirit what we do, they can never know the uncontrollable power which drives us, and the relief we feel when able to live the life we need to.
We do have to see their point of view though, because, just as our lifestyle and beliefs are important to us, so is theirs, it should never be just about us.
This is all just a part of my beliefs and how I view it all, and is not meant to influence anyone else’s opinions.

It’s always sad when people who care for each other have strong conflicting beliefs which may drive them apart, but it’s always happened and most likely always will.

I wish you well.

[Dalindra]

Hello Conie Sue and welcome back

I am new to this forum myself.

I like the way Sally put it, only another CD can really understand what we all feel.

Anyways glad you found your way back

[Conie Sue]

thanks for the welcome backs and kind words, they mean so much, and to be understood without being judged is true support, or listened to by someone who knows is really important, thank you sally, surly one would think being almost 2010 and crossdressing being around a long-long time that people would have known a-little more about it other than being odd or queer, and maybe some of the blame belongs on us for staying so deep in the closets for so long, but which came first, the closet or the belittling cruel names and lables they put on it ? so were we forced into hiding it, for what ever reason it's been too long . Connie