Would you rather be a woman?

[Absaroka]

People keep talking about doing feminine things like shopping and doing their nails.

My wife hates shopping. She does her nails with our daughters because they enjoy it.

She considers picking out nice clothes for the next day to be an unpleasant chore.

She likes to talk with her girlfriends about stuff I'm not interested in but it's mostly work related. Doesn't gossip and yells at me when I do.

She cries easily while I don't but I'm the more emotional of the two and the kids call me the drama queen of the family.

She's more caretaking than I am- it's always been harder for her to let the kids suffer the consequences of their actions for her.

She is much more attuned to people than I am. But so are most men.

Zari

[Renee D]

My choice would be to have been born female, with only one reservation... my kids.

When I got up the nerve to tell my ex about my dressing, one of the first things she told me is "That explains a lot". When I asked her what she meant she said I often "over compensated in my male role" when we were young.

Before I even had a clue as to gender, I got caught playing with my aunts make up. Mom lovingly let me know that this was not proper behavior for a little boy. As the years went by, I learned how to be one of the guys. But it never felt natural to me and my ex said it best when she said "role".

I believe each gender has it's own advantages and also disadvantages. For me it comes down to how I feel as a person and what seems natural from my own perspective of things.

As they say, when one door closes, another opens. Being born male did open a new and beautiful door, my kids! I like to think regardless of my born gender... I'm still me either way! My job is to be the best person (and dad) I can be

[Sally]

I hadn’t caught up with the previous posts regarding Yudowsky, but having read him and them now I can just reiterate what I’ve said so many times in the past, that no matter how much time we spend telling someone else how we feel, unless they are of our ilk it’s impossible for them to ever truly know how it is. All they can ever hope to achieve is the same knowledge they gather by reading books and listening to lectures etc. No matter how many diplomas or degrees anyone has makes no earthly difference as to their ability to really know what’s going on inside any persons brain, no matter where any of us fit into the mix.

I’ve spent so much time over the years being quizzed by psycs and really it was all just a complete waste of time, all that was ever achieved of value was me being issued with the required necessary documents to enable me to have SRS. Whether I ever take that final step is still in abeyance, but of course so much time has elapsed now that I’d have to go through the whole process again with the psycs ( heaven forbid), but as usual, time will tell. Right now living full time as a woman and my medications ‘quells the fire’, but nobody knows what the future holds.

I’ve said a number of times to psycs that given choice I would prefer to have been born wholly female, and whilst that has drawn some sceptical glances from them at times, I myself knew that fact from an early age, and that predisposition has never altered throughout my life.
Although we have no choice in how we’re born, we do have choices in how we live our lives, we can see our trans nature as a curse or we can choose to see it as just another way some human beings are made.
We all make individual choices in our lives and I’d suggest that Trans people do not experience any marked degree of discomfort if we’re able to live in a standardized gender role. I’ve never asked that the role of everyone be changed, all I ever wanted was to be able to define my own role and permanently live that role. For me choosing not to live as a man meant that I was excercising my right to deny what was issued me at birth in the physical sense. It was a case of, if it’s to be then it’s up to me, and that is my choice.

I’ve said on more than one occasion to a psyc that I was haunted day and night by living as a man, but the thought of possibly losing my family, being shunned and isolated was tearing me in another direction, but eventually I made my choice and it’s turned out to be the right one thankfully.
I think that when we make a choice, even if that choice may appear to be self destructive, if we make that choice believing that it’s the right one for us personally, then that’s as much as we can do in the circumstances, and we shouldn’t feel badly about it, even though we may not fully understand why we made that choice.

Whilst I now live the life of the woman as much as I can, given my circumstances, it’s been a long hard difficult road getting there, I believe society has a vested interest in making the choice to live as a Trans person, or as a Gay person or any other like person, as difficult as possible. The easier the choice then the more people would choose that life, and society sees us as a destabilizing force in the community, therefore the less the better as far as they’re concerned.

Most medical professionals just look at what’s between a persons’ legs and cannot know what’s in the brain or the heart, it’s just not possible. It’s impossible for them to understand why a person would gendershift by choice and risk so much by taking such drastic action, but being born as I was, my time came to make my choice and my life then changed for the better so much, because it was my time and my way, and I could never explain fully the feeling when the pressure to conform was erased. Even though I’ve integrated into society as a woman, I know some people who know me see me as a nutcase, but to become congruent we must take control and responsibility of our own lives. No matter how we’re born, we are what we choose to do when it counts most, if we don’t give into culture, that’s when we begin to be a complete individual.

Kind Regards,

Sally.

[Robyn Katie]

Hi Sally,

I just have to highlight something you said so nobody will miss it:

"I believe society has a vested interest in making the choice to live as a Trans person, or as a Gay person or any other like person, as difficult as possible. The easier the choice then the more people would choose that life, and society sees us as a destabilizing force in the community, therefore the less the better as far as they’re concerned."

Well said! These are the politics we're up against. They're based on fear and insecurity ... a lot of men feel these femme leanings, but because of their upbringing, etc., that makes them so afraid, they transform it all into hatred, intolerance and persecution.

And yet we know being a woman, in whatever way we wish to, or possibly can, is admirable, delightful, and as right as rain.

To find some way of showing people we're harmless, a force for good, and every bit as worthy as they are, is difficult.

Meanwhile, femmeness calls ... and we perk up our heads and respond.
I'm feeling very femme right now......

Love, Robyn Katie

[Anne Bonny]

Being transgendered it is difficult to answer and so confusing. I am trying to alter my body decreasing my facial hair, trying to encourage larger breasts, would perhaps transition if I were alone in this world. But emotion and desire are a funny thing they frequently mislead us into believing things that are not true when our minds clear. I imagin we would than crossdress FTM instead of MTF our dual nature would remain. It is a preference. As I am attracted to women I suppose I should use that as my guide in making the correct choice to remain masculin at least downstairs.

[Della]

There are at least two ways to interpret this question: would you rather be a woman now, OR would you rather have been born a woman.

There's no doubt I would rather be a woman now. I have already experienced the male life. About the only things to look forward to are, generally speaking, hair loss on my head, hair gain on my back, muscle loss, heart disease, prostate cancer, and impotence. Well, there may be a few offsetting negatives about getting older for GGs, but at least they don't get hair on their backs! Anyway, once a person has lost the bloom of youth (and there is more for a female to lose than for a male), getting older is a mental game. I believe that, psychologically, a woman ages better than a man.

It's the earlier years that make me glad I wasn't born a woman. Granted, it would be fun to have the body of, and to wear the clothes of, a 20-something female. Yet I believe the societal, psychological, and biological pressures on said 20-something are pretty severe, at least in modern US society. Just limiting the consideration to clothing, I believe a young woman feels more pressure to buy lots of fancy clothes than does a young man. I couldn't imagine buying clothes of a certain style because this season I am supposed to show off my breasts, legs, or butt. And then there are different rules next season. Of course, there are worse things than pressure to buy clothing, but this is a CD forum.

So my answers are: now, yes; at birth, no.

[Robyn Katie]

Yes, Della, one thing we maybe don't take sufficient notice of is what it means, and what it feels like, to be female — the gender that is in the spotlight all the time, is under a microscope, is stared at and criticized for its least fault or lapse in behavior, grooming, style, and so on.

We humans put terrific pressure on men, too, in many ways. But I believe the pressure on women is even more intense.

The human race has decided the female is to be its display mannequin: pose like a statue on a pedestal, be admired, chased after, minutely scrutinized. That can be fun, but it can also be brutal when it means being micromanaged, yelled at, having to pay the price just for being female ("serves her right," etc.) and subjected to what amounts to ongoing symbolic rape through constant media presentation of impossibly perfect women, all of them tightly controlled, many of them undergoing attack or being terrorized.

Trouble with being a woman, I guess, is everybody thinks they own you. They certainly feel they own the choices you are supposed to make. The rules—like you say! There was even that silly fuss a few years back when somebody published a book called "The Rules" — and all the world's geese flocked to say how wonderful it was finally to have even more rules than we're already stuck with! Can you beat that?

So the hardest thing is to be yourself — or even find out who that self is. Much, much harder for a woman than for a man. But women find a way to be bright, caring, independent individuals and break free of the social straitjacket despite all; good for them.

Oops, rant over.

On a lighter note, clothes ... well, just let me say I always hated clothes. Boring, stupid things you have to put on, waste of money and time ... Oh, but that was male clothes. When I discovered girl duds I finally found out how much fun clothes are. Whee ...

Love, Robyn Katie