For more years than I would care to think, I felt I was cursed. I hated the feeling even though I loved being dressed. Then, I began to learn I wasn't the only one in the world who felt this way. I talked to a therapist who showed me books which claimed at least five and as many as ten per cent of the males in the world liked to dress in female clothing. It also pointed out that these people usually were not gay nor was there anything mentally wrong with them. It also said the real cause of this feeling wasn't known for certain but the situation usually caused no serious wrong.
I met a couple of others who harbored these feelings including one who was very open and dressed publically. I started to relax some. I still felt a little cursed but at least I shared the feeling.
Then I found the interenet sites and realized the books were correct. My feelings were matched by so many others. I started to look on the good side and found roses growing all around me. This was not a curse, it was a blessing. I love my feminine side and would only give it up as it currently is if I got converted to full time real female. I'm not saying that I would do that myself because I still don't know exactly what a female feels, but that's the subject of another post.
No, this is not a curse. It is wonderful and I wouldn't change it for anything.
"The early bird catches the worm...But... It's the second mouse that gets the cheese"
I consider this a gift. While I would love to be like every other guy the fact that I am in touch with my fem side allows me to be able to tell my friends the outfit they are in his hideous(sp?).
Do not meddle in the affairs of dragons. As you are crunchy and good with chocolate!
I was never held and cherished as a child, and have suspected that the women's clothes that I wear are providing that nourishment for me. I cherish Darlene and love her very much. perhaps it is what is referred to as being your own parent.
I find that since I've been able to do that I am much more of a touchy kind of person and it seems to be naturally there now. I do it with out thinking, and often ask myself if it was appropriate after the fact. Another thing that I have noticed about me is that I find it easier to talk to strangers a lot more now than I used to do. Although I think that is a result of me accessing the Internet and talking with strangers here. For me it is all pretty good stuff.
Cindy, you sound Like you could be from CDDF. These last few days,
feels like I am home again amongst friends. I think you can be a
conservative and still enjoy cross dressing. Like the other replies,
I too have found purity and hope in my loving to be compassionate,
nice and pretty. After so many years of guilt and suffering I know
now that my soul is clean. Dressing does help me to find good in myself.
I won't be condemned for something good. Meditate quietly and look to your cross dressing and desires. Do you see and desire good or bad.
Even if there is some bad we do have the ability to work towards good.
I hope good for you!
Julie and Kyra, My feelings and experiences are much like yours. Kyra,
your happiness shines through in your messages like your picture.
One of my goals is to someday exhibit that wonderful positive attitude.
I feel as if its an absolute gift.....I just wish I could find CDs or TVs in my neck of the woods who I could share experiences with and maybe open up to my feminine side without feeling embarressed
Hugs to all
I don't believe you or anyone else needs to apologise for having an honest opinion or a belief.
There was a time when I viewed it as a curse, but that was in the days when I was restricted as to the amount of freedom I had to dress as I needed to, it effected my every day life and for so many years I was a walking time bomb of anger. I now know I wasn't a very nice person to live with during those years.
My life completely changed around when I came out and revealed to my family, now that I am free to live the life I always craved, I see it all as a a wonderful gift, anything which feels this good can only be a gift, but I can still recall the years when I prayed it would go away and I could live my life normally as those around me were doing. It's most unpleasant living a life in constant fear of being found out and living in denial, it not only leads to emotional stress which effects out every day performance, it can lead to physical health problems. I realise that not everyone is in a position to come out, due to personal circumstances, and I empathsise with them deeply.
I am also a firm believer that until we learn to accept ourself as we are, then we really can't expect others to begin to accpet us. I believe true self is created, not found. We will never find some magical answer to what we are, I believe we need to move in the direction which brings us true joy. I believe we have to let our feelings guide us in the direction which feels best for us. There is a marvellous complex person within us all, we should never short change ourselves by trying to describe ourself in simple terms, we are not simple and never will be.
I feel if we try to live within limitations set by others, then we cheat ourself of the joy of knowing ourself as the person above those limitations. The only true limit to what we are is our own imagination, if we can challenge ourselves to follow the true direction of our soul, then the joy it produces is beyond all expectations.
As to what is normal and what is not, well there are so many opinions, but that's all they are, opinions. Each person is an individual and unique in their own right. We have to be careful of opinions which which try to stipulate what is normal and what isn't. We can only decide that for ourself, what may seem normal to one person will not fit comfortable with another, we are guided from within where our destiny lies. We need to know we are no less worthy than any other person, or else our self esteem plummets.
I've never asked anyone to try and understand me, I just want to be accepted as the person I am, to be free to enjoy the gift I was given. Unfortunately the majority are not tolerant and that attitude is not likely to change anytime soon, but we are fortunate in the fact there are so many of us, (more than most believe), and we can find solace, comfort and support amongst our own, it's something 'the others' could well learn from.
I hope it gets better for you and the time comes when you no longer see it as a curse.
Kind Regards.
Sally.
Watch nature, because it’s our greatest teacher, it moves and flows and moves on again. We can never be free until we disengage, so allow life to flow as you find it. The way it is, is the way it is.
Add me to the list for considering my crossdressing a gift.
Of all the worrying and fretting and self-hating and guilt and everything else I've experienced over it through the years, I'd have to honestly say it has been more than worthwhile for the all insight, confidence, peace, and all the other good things I have been able to bring into my life because of it.
What a beautiful post that was! Very inspiring. Thanks.
My ex's father is an ethicist who makes a living more from his painting and sculpting than from his philosophical contracts. His pet project? To elucidate the relationship between ethics and esthetics. This is his basic thesis: whether they know this or not, each and every human being is an artist busy creating the works of art that are her life and her self. The raw materials are given to all, but all need to learn how to wield and use the tools and equipment (the brush, the chisel, the potter's wheel, etc.).
We "fashion" who we are as time goes by, and, as we learn to "paint" and "sculpt" our lives and our selves, the pleasure we derive from the beauty of who we are is greater the closer we get to the "ideals" we carry in our minds. Talent is not an issue. It's more a matter of patience, perseverance, understanding, learning, receptivity, and a critical eye (read: mind). The pleasure we derive from the beauty of who we are leads to our being better able to love and accept, both ourselves and others.
This idea is not new. But we need to be reminded of it on occasion (says he). And I, for one, tend to agree.
You said it all so beautifully, such a lovely, meaningful way of saying it all, sounds so much better than self is created, not found.........Thank you.
Kind Regards.
Sally.
Watch nature, because it’s our greatest teacher, it moves and flows and moves on again. We can never be free until we disengage, so allow life to flow as you find it. The way it is, is the way it is.
Awww cool, I was just saying how I consider this a gift now.
Until about a year ago I would have said a curse, cos I was all the time wishing I didn't dress up, I just wanted to be "normal" ... but screw that, I am me now lol There is an Avril Lavigne song I play all the time and on that she says I wanna be anything but ordinary pleaseee...
So it is a gift from the gods!!! Just like this forum
I also used to think of my crossdressing urges as a curse, an abnormality,
and I was full of guilt feelings.
Now , no small thanks to this forum, and huge thanks to my SO, I feel more fulfilled than I ever have before. Truly this is a wonderful attribute, but whether it is a gift or not I leave to the metaphysical.
Suffice it to say, I am a happier person of whatever gender I happen to feel at the moment.
Interesting thread.
Willy
"There comes a time ... when you must grasp the bull by the tail and face the situation."
Then, I began to learn I wasn't the only one in the world who felt this way. I talked to a therapist who showed me books which claimed at least five and as many as ten per cent of the males in the world liked to dress in female clothing. It also pointed out that these people usually were not gay nor was there anything mentally wrong with them. It also said the real cause of this feeling wasn't known for certain but the situation usually caused no serious wrong.
I started to look on the good side and found roses growing all around me. This was not a curse, it was a blessing. I love my feminine side and would only give it up as it currently is if I got converted to full time real female. I'm not saying that I would do that myself because I still don't know exactly what a female feels, but that's the subject of another post. 
