Are bras fetish items even for crossdressers

[Martina]

I know that this may be a controversial opinion from a cross dresser but I have been cross dressing since I was a child and I totally subscribe to the point of view that clothes are clothes and it is only the rules of society that dictate what is acceptable for men to wear or not. Like everybody here I would like to live in a world where I have the choice to wear either a suit and boxers or a dress and panties. An argument I make in favour of cross dressing is that every item of male clothing has at least one feminine alternative and it should be a matter of choice which way a man can dress (just as it is for women) and not have it decided by social convention. But the argument does not work the other way around where a bra is concerned. There is no alternative to a bra for men because healthy males do not have bosoms. So there is no crossover item of clothing. I think this is why women are sometimes appalled when they see men in bras but not so much so when they see men in other feminine clothes. I was dressing for years before I got a bra and it was only because a friend who I was role playing with wanted to undress me down to my bra and panties. He was amazed that I had drawers of undies but didn’t own a single bra and he gave me a present of a few bra and panty sets including a bikini to satisfy his needs. The panties are long gone but I still have the bras because I hardly wear them. I understand why female impersonators and transsexuals wear bras but I think that straight cross dressers who do not have gender identity issues could be accused of wearing them for fetish reasons rather than a wish to cross dress as there is no logical reason for men to wear one.

[Angela]

I always wear a bra when I'm dressed because I want to look as feminine as I possibly can and that includes having boobs, so I wear a nice bra along with breast forms. You say there is no male equivalent to a bra and that's another reason I love them, I want to be as far away from being male as I can. I love slips for the same reason.

[Bernice]

I was right with you until you wrote:

I understand why female impersonators and transsexuals wear bras but I think that straight cross dressers who do not have gender identity issues could be accused of wearing them for fetish reasons rather than a wish to cross dress as there is no logical reason for men to wear one.

Ask any woman: What has logic got to do with what we wear?

Ask any F2M who has a prosthetic: don't they wear a jock strap or male briefs?

What is logical about a hobble skirt? What is logical about leggings? What is logical about wearing blue jeans underneath a nice pretty feminine dress?

I definitely do not get any fetish from my many brassieres and hand-carved foam inserts. Logic has nothing to do with it. My clothes look better with a bra and forms, and I feel better with a bra and forms.

I consider myself straight, and a crossdresser. Call me a trans-sexual if you must, and perhaps indeed I really am, but I am not a homosexual. Please don't confuse my acceptance of gays as wanting to be one of them. I just think we all deserve the same acceptance as humans without having to first pass some religious extremist test.

Perhaps the wearing of a bra and forms indicates that my place on the continuum of gender identity is much farther to the female than those who feel they merely "like wearing the clothes". That's OK with me. I've also "tucked". The major reasons I am only non-op are: a) Happily married to someone who would be devastated, B) too old, C) not quite rich enough, and D) fear of international travel.

I've even casually wished I could be diagnosed with early testicular cancer (orchidectomy covered by medical insurance), and/or catch a serious case of Gynecomastia.

I know a fellow who is about a 48 D, though for many months I thought he was female. Even after meeting his wife, I thought he was lesbian. I was wrong. But I digress...

I don't mean to sound as though I haven't struggled with the question of why straight non-op crossdressers wear brassieres. I have. I think it is just that I have moved beyond the question, through acceptance of the reality of the situation.

So, in short, if you struggle because you think it is wrong to like wearing a brassiere, stop. It is OK to like to wear whatever clothing you like.

Hugs,

Bernice

[Merinda]

I understand why female impersonators and transsexuals wear bras but I think that straight cross dressers who do not have gender identity issues could be accused of wearing them for fetish reasons rather than a wish to cross dress as there is no logical reason for men to wear one.

Why single out bra's ???
So then , what logical reason would a crossdresser wear a skirt ????
What logical reason would a crossdresser wear tights ????
Knickers ????
wig ???
Perhaps we only wear bra's because we all suffer from mastitis of the man boob.

[Robyn Katie]

Hi sisters,

What is it that makes a bra, and breasts (whether real or forms) a central appeal for many of us?

Breasts, and hence a bra, mean something pivotal to me. For me a bra is a lovely thing I want to wear, and I wish my A breasts were Cs. I wear a bra nearly all the time except to bed. I simply feel wonderful with one on, and I love having breasts. I love bras, have a dozen or more, they feel wonderful to wear (though after a long day I can be just as anxious to get the damn thing off as women are).

Is this fetishism? For me, partly yes, I'm sure. But my dictionary (Webster's 9th New Collegiate)'s definition of "fetish" is weird and not a good fit for me: "an object or bodily part whose real or fancied presence is psychologically necessary for sexual gratification and that is an object of fixation to the extent that it may interfere with complete sexual expression."

That's a belittling definition, and it's only a minor piece of what breasts and bras are for me. Are breasts' and bras' "real or fancied presence psychologically necessary for" my "sexual gratification?" No. But they are psychologically completing for me, in that I feel more complete, more myself, with some aspect of them.

Are they an "object of fixation" for me to the extent of interfering "with complete sexual expression?" No. Rather, they are a part of my being and my personality. I feel better with them, I like myself better with them, I want to have them to the extent I can.

I think the question goes a lot deeper. To me it is matter of simple beauty, in which I want to share, so far as my feelings allow me. It is highly sexually charged, and yes, it is womanliness. I (being genetically male) am not "supposed" to crave or enjoy this, but I do.

It's also partly a wardrobe necessity—even a T-shirt looks and feels better to me with breast-lines, and dresses and tops are made with them in mind. The thrust, roundness, etc. of breasts are something I crave, as part of my femininity, and I use various breast forms, and bras, to achieve this.

Am I one of the "ones who have gender issues?" I think yes, I would fit that category. But it is also true that to a certain extent I find in breasts a symbolic shorthand for the femaleness I crave. Some men find it in panties; and I do too—I wear panties every waking hour, as well, and would not be without them. But the bra is more highly charged with meaning for me.

It may seem phony to others, an empty cup (!). That perceived phoniness, I suspect, is the root of the definition of fetishism. But to me it's been real for many years, virtually since I was old enough to know what a bra was, what breasts were.

If you find nothing more than fetishism in what I've said, then I haven't succeeded in conveying the totality of what they are to me. My breasts and bras accompany me throughout every day, as part of myself. I would see the fetish aspect is less than one-third of the overall delight I find in them.

It occurs to me that I've known maybe half a dozen women who essentially had no breasts at all, in the sense that nothing projected, and their chests were as flat or flatter than men's. Every one of these women wore a bra. Were they fetishists, in that they had nothing to wear a bra for? Or does their potential as nursing mothers create a need for a bra in some social-acceptance sense that has nothing to do with their physical conformation?

I feel I've barely scratched the surface of this.

I'd really enjoy reading what others feel about their bras, their breasts, whether they think it goes beyond fetish or not.

Love, Robyn Katie

[MelodyPerkins]

Breasts on women is never much my focus.

That said, if I want to dress to look and feel as feminine as I can, breasts are an essential feature which stands out. I do not know what it truly feels like for a woman to have them as part of her anatomy. However, I do recognize a difference when I am wearing a bra and breasts. I feel the weight, movement, and they stick out. I suspect for a woman, it feels and looks like it always does. That it is something they do not think about much, unless they wear a bra which alters the shape.

If anything for me is a fetish,....it would be panties or socks. Panties can vary so much in colour, material, cut, and design,...that I feel I can not have enough. I have cotton, nylon, lycra,....etc,...lace, buttons, bows, flowers, pinks, purples, green, brown,....any colour. They are fun to have, and to wear.

Socks,...on the other hand,....have the same variations,...but I can wear them,...and others can see them. Many girls at work comment on how cute my socks are. At work, we do not have a gift exchange for Christmas,....but the girls there love to buy me girly socks. They take great joy in buying me cute feminine socks, seeing my happiness and joy, and then seeing the socks they bought on me.

For me, a bra just holds the breasts in place. By the end of the day, I am itchy and sweaty, and it feels good to take it off.

[Absaroka]

Most clothing in some way has a fetish aspect to it, even if sometimes that fetish is not sexual. Think of ties, and the power fetish they can involve. And why would it matter if it is a fetish?

That being said, a lot of womens tops seem to fit a bit better over fake breasts, which neccesitat a bra. The silhouette is fun also, and after all we do like to look in a mirror.....

Zari

[Lydia]

The first thing I do, when I awake in the morning, is put on a bra (appropriately padded, of course).

If that classifies as a fetish, so be it. I don't ask why, I just enjoy it.

Hugs,

Lydia

[MsMike]

Hi,
I love to wear a bra. It makes me feel more comfortable. feminine and closer to being a woman. I like how my tops and blouses take better shape. I underdress nearly evey time I go out and I always wear padded at home

[DonnaT]

There are a couple reasons to wear a bra, IMHE:

One, it does shape my natural fatty tissue and feels great; and

Two, if I want to present a better look as a female, I need more that what God gave me.

Note that I don't always wear a bra when dressing up, but usually I do when going out.

Is a bra a fetish item? it is for some, and for others it isn't.

Seems to me that for it to qualify as a fetish item, it would be used for sexual pleasure.

[Martina]

There have been some very considered replies to this and one or two from people which were offended by the very notion that their dressing could be considered fetish behaviour. But least some people get the wrong idea, I do not think that there is anything wrong with wearing a bra or any clothing for fetish reasons or not. I was interested to see how others felt about it. Some crossdressing is completely fetish orientated e.g. people who dress as frilly maids, schoolgirls, nurses etc. and I support their choice totally. I also think that there isn’t a crossdresser alive who hasn’t at some time dressed for sexual pleasure especially during the period when they first discovered the excitement of wearing female clothes especially underwear. Who doesn’t get a rush when they put on a new item of clothing and who doesn’t feel less sexual when change out of skirts and panties into trousers and underpants. I would never wear a gaff in case it may interfere with any pleasure I might experience while dressed whether intentional or not. My own journey into crossdressing began with a longing, from a very young age, to wear ruffled bum panties especially tennis knickers which were fashionable at the time and that was a fetish which has lasted to this very day. I must have about 40 pairs of ruffled panties which I lounge around the house in. But it was from this fetish that I explored crossdressing further by wearing a complete tennis outfit and then onto regular skirts and dresses. I now dress mostly to relax and feel comfortable but won’t deny my fetish origins.

[Merinda]

Martina ,

When I'm lounging around the house I wear the following:

-wig
-pullover
-tights or pantyhose
This is a simple quick application for relaxation dressing etc.

If I was going out in public I would wear these items:

-wig
-top
-tights , pantyhose or panties
-bra
-heels , boots or comfortable shoes
-dress or skirt
-makeup

The difference is this ,"when I'm going out , I want to look as feminine as possible".

[Pat]

I find that there is nothing fetish about wearing bras. It is a part of my daily dress, because I do not like having unsupported breasts, when they are B+ and when you've had a shoulder Rota-cuff reconstruction, the weight of a unsupported becomes a constant ache. The other reason for wearing bras,etc. is a part of my desire to live as a woman.

[Celia]

I suppose this is a late reply - but then I came upon this thread late. I think it's important that we not let convention trump reality. We need to remember such things as training bras and bras with AAA cups. These are still bras, but it's difficult to argue that they perform an essential physical function (ok, a training bra might get the youngster used to bras, but that has relatively little to do with actual support needs - if a girl needs genuine support, she might have to search outside the bra-lite section; as far as AAA cup bras are concerned, if I could find one in a 42, I might wear it - I'm certainly not endowed up top, but I seriously doubt that there'd be much slack in the cups).

Although clothing that accommodates female anatomy has probably been around as long as clothing itself, the bra is a relatively recent invention - somewhere around a century old. Although a woman might find that a bra serves a purpose, the reason she wears one so regularly is largely related to conditioning: if she didn't think it was socially obligatory, she would treat it as far more optional, wearing it if or when it suited her, as opposed to being mortified at the thought of being caught without it.

If you consider yourself a crossdresser and you think you can't wear a bra because it indicates some deeper gender issues, what next? Not wearing diamonds because they're "a girl's best friend"? From a gender perspective, for a CD to wear a bra is no different from him wearing a full-length, sequinned, ballroom gown - and if you've never wanted to do that . . . are you sure you're a crossdresser?;)

-Celia

[Anne]

You may find your opinion changing over time. At a young age, the facination can be with one particular item of clothing - for me it was pantyhose. So things progressed where panties then slips and skirts were perceived as accompanied items. But my thoughts at the time were focused on a nice set of legs. I wasn't much of a breast man then. But as my journey progressed, I wanted to perceive and maybe project an entire feminine image. So I got bras and stuffed them. Not bad but not the full deal. It was not until I got real forms that my awareness changed to one of wonder and respect. To feel the real weight, bounce, drape, etc was an epiphany in the experience of femininity. So early efforts might seem more fetish on limited items but now it is what others describe as more the whole package.

There are those who focus on breasts and bras as their fetish (look at the 36DDD forms on the market). But maybe bras are not so much womanly now with the Japanese male bra selling well in 2009.

As with all things, they may be mainstream for one and left field for another. An important thing is to not judge those with different views but realize they are part of a wonderful spectrum of people in this world.

And focus can be