Am I really a crossdresser?

[Julie E.]

Hi,

I'm a little confused. maybe nobody can help me on that point, but just saying this for me could be a therapy. I read many posts here, and i'm not sure how far I would like to go.

I wear girls jeans in public for a year now, and I love this. I'm not sure if this is sexual or something else, since i feel aroused by the idea that I wear some girls clothes in public. I bought tons of girls jeans, I love them, but I don't think I will wear more girly clothes in public.

I bought a lot of girls jeans recently, and there were some skirts and tops in the lot. I tried them on, and felt very excited, so now I always wear those clothes at home. I also choosen a girl name for myself.

This is my story, but reading yours, I see that this is not a sexual thing at all for many of you, it's in you deeply. Am I like you? did someone had a begining like me? do I have this in me deeply too?

please note that I'm writing this at the higher level of respect. Since I speak french, if I said something disrespectful, this is just a bad translation from me.

[Angela]

Julie,
If your a genetic male and you enjoy wearing skirts and girly tops then I would say you're a crossdresser.
Isn't it wonderful?

[Robyn Katie]

Hi Julie,

Well, it's always been strongly sexual for me, and I'm a lifelong crossdresser.

Crossdressers go through stages. Probably nearly all the posters on this board began with terribly strong sexual arousal when crossdressing.

But after some years of wearing women's clothes and feeling hot hot hot, there tends to be a calming down, and the person feels more at home in the clothes, not so much excited but feeling comfortable, true to themselves, and just right.

So, as lots of us on the board have been doing this a long time, the sexual component gets mentioned less. But it's there, and for some of us it's huge!

Yes, it's still sexual for me, after a lifetime of dressing ... I began at age 8 and that was 1945-6, for I'm now 72. But in this continued sexual response I may be among the exceptions. Most long-term CDers seem to get over that, and some seem grateful. Wouldn't suit me, though.

We are a kaleidoscope of differences all along the scale. But believe me, if you've been CDing a few months or a few years and it gets you aroused, you're right in the mainstream! (CD mainstream that is)

Love, Robyn Katie

[Virginia]

Julie,

If you think that some of the philosophers of the past may give you some insight into who or "what" we are. Carl Jung did quite a bit of study on the "anima/animus" of our existence.

There is a lot of research on him and his theories at Wikipedia then look under either Carl Jung or Anima/Animus.

You will find that a lot of us are blessed with this "gift." That is the ability to, not only for some of us, to touch our feminine side, but to allow "it" to express itself in the various ways that you will find here.

It is all part of the education process for those who seek "enlightenment."

Virginia

[PhylissH]

Yes I am.

Hi Julie, I have been dressing for over 20 yrs and I am still a bit confused. But I would say you are a Crossdresser. Wearing women’s jeans and skirts definitely.
As for how far one goes with it depends on the individual. I am in my 50s and I will always be a crossdresser. I have no interest in doing anything permanent to my body. I am a guy and like being a guy. I like dressing up and being Phyliss when I can. The time spent as Phyliss comes and goes as the desire to dress is sometimes stronger than others. Sometimes it is enough to dress a three or four times a month and other times I want to stay dressed for several days at a time.
In the beginning when I was a teenager there was definitely a sexual attraction to dressing up, along with how I liked the feel of the clothes on me. I tried, like most, for years to deny it. After all guys are not suppose to do that, right. But the desires were always there and I finally admitted to myself, right or wrong dressing made me happy. I was a Crossdresser. As I got older the sexual attraction became less but the enjoyment of how the clothes felt on me and how they made me feel remained. Today when I get dressed there is still excitement there, but not sexual.
The feelings and desires to dress will never go away, and most people spend years trying to suppress them. After a while though they do come out and usually even stronger than before. Which is why so many, such as myself, don’t come out till they are older.
Don’t be afraid to ask questions here. Everyone here that I have met is more than willing to help. There is such a diverse group here that they can probably answer any question you might have.

[Leeza]

Julie,

In looking through the responses from my sisters I see that I am not the oldest to respond , but not far from it. Their advise is all good.

For me now at 63 sometimes there is a sexual response, but not usually. It is the joy and feel of letting the female side express herself.

Rather than repeat what has already been siad, I will say that Phyliss's experience is pretty much like mine.

The only difference is that I am almost always sumwhat dressed. The only things I wear out of the house in drab is a shirt and shoes. The rest is fem. Do I feel the need to be this much dressed at all times, no. It is just my choice and I feel comfortable being this way.

Leeza

[DonnaT]

Crossdressing is crossdressing, whether for some deep seated need or for sexual stimulation.

More apropos a question would be, "Am I transgendered?"

Many who have the deep seated need, are trans. Probably all are.

As for those who do it for sexual stimulation, it's 50/50. You are trans if you say you are, and not if you say you are not. Self labeling is great, being labeled not so great.

When I first had the desire to CD, I was young so I don't think it had anything to do with sexual arousal. Later, when sexaulity hit, sexual arousal became a part of the dressing, but not the cause of the dressing.

So, maybe, if one has the desire/urge to dress, it's an indication of being trans. That is, this desire/urge occurred before being sexually aroused, and the arousal is only a result of the dressing.

Yet there are some that had no urge to dress, but found dressing to be a sexual turn on. Probably not trans in that case.

And there are some who suggest it started out as a sexual need, but years later find it to be a more deep seated need. Trans or not ??***huh***

[Julie E.]

I think i'm really a crossdresser, It help me to see how it is for you. For now what I can say is that dressing is a very huge turn on, and to see my body in the mirror dressed makes me very hard, so I don't look girly anymore. I'm kidding.

I feel curious about going out en femme, but far away to be ready for that. I thing I am not transgender, since I like my body, and I don't want to loose my male parts, but sometimes I ask myself how it could be to have a female body, but nothing more than that.

[DonnaT]

I thing I am not transgender, since I like my body, and I don't want to loose my male parts . . .

Transgender is not the same as transsexual.

I am transgender, and I like my body the way it is (except for the extra weight )

Transgender is an umbrella term that covers both crossdressers and transsexuals, among others.

[Anita]

Hi Julie--
The sexual part of it has become less than it used to be, but it's still there. I don't mention it much, but you can find it in my beginning story, for instance. I think you can find that in a majority of our beginning stories, but it doesn't continue for everyone.

[Absaroka]

It started sexually and that is still part of it, but there is something else that I don't understand that well.

Thanks Donna for clarifying the transgender vs transexual thing.

Sex itself can be a very confusing thing. It gets wrapped up with our thoughts about intimacy but also with other things and often involves symbolism. My favorite example is the very Jungian thing that I can get very aroused watching a waterfall.

Zari

[DanteCarrie (FTM)]

You are not abnormal I find cross dressing very sexual as well as it being something do for emotional reasons

[Rik]

I only joined this forum today, and im am exactly the same as you, with exactly the same thoughts. I was even gona ask a similar question. We are not alone it seems

I have a question for you tho, when you get aroused do you relieve yourself, if so howdo you feel afterwards?

When I CD I do and afterwards I feel very very annoyed stressed and upset with myself.

I guess this is part of denial or something.

[DonnaT]

Probably includes in part the coming down from the adrenaline high you were on as well.

Like coming down from a drug.

[Absaroka]

It's estremely common for men to masturbate while crossdressing. Often the fantasy is something along the lines of being a woman, but the partner is the male that you are, not some other male.

As for the feeling bad after, that may well have to do with now that the excitement is gone, the feelings it masks now become apparent, ranging from shame about the crossdressing to shame about being a grown man masturbating to an uncomfortableness with the strenght of a mildly unusual desire. Or just feeling the uncomfortable worries about being caught even when you've been very careful not to.

Off course crossdressing is really several different manifestations expressed in a similar way, and so this can be confusing. We tend to talk a lot about the transgendered thing here and at other times the transexual thing. These can be very uncomfortable and confusing feelings as well.

My personal feeling is that the key to much of this is first accepting it. After we've done that we can come to understand ourselves well enough to decide what label we prefer.

Zari