So... back to our "deep" conversation: She had just told me about something she'd never really told a soul about, so I figured it was fair that I return the trust, and knew "it's now or never." I was so terrified I was trembling. So much so that when I finally DID tell her, I think my trembling worked in my favor: she was expecting me to say something much worse. Her actual response was, "That's it???? I thought you were going to tell me you were gay, or were a convicted murderer or something!" I kid you not, the very next day we were out shopping, and she's pulling clothes off the rack, holding them up to me, saying "I think this would look GREAT on you!" It didn't take long for me to go along with it... so much for thinking I was "done" with it all!
Now, the road hasn't always been that easy... she eventually went down the same road most of those that have told their wives go down. Constantly answering questions like "Are you gay? Do you want surgery?" Etc. At times she was fully accepting, taking me shopping, helping me pick clothes that fit my frame, etc. Other times she would get bogged down in her fears and lack of understanding (and let's be honest, do we all really truly FULLY understand this?) I did my best to continue to show her I loved her, that I was still the man she married and wanted to be with. At one point, I wound up tossing all my stuff (well... donated to Goodwill) because it seemed like the constant reminder of it all was wearing on her. (She and I have gone through hell and back with some issues pertaining to her ex-husband, so additional stress generally resulted in over-emotional reactions to things - from BOTH of us.)
So about 4-5 months ago, the skies cleared a little. Things settled in. Our legal battle with her ex had finished. Financially we were getting things back on track. I missed sharing my CD'ing with her but did NOT want to push it. A few weeks ago, we were just hanging out watching TV and happened to catch "Transvestite Wives" on BBC America. She watched it pretty intently, and then over the next few days started to approach the topic with me. We had a few long conversations, and it seems that she maybe, possibly has come to grips with everything. I'm still treading lightly, letting HER set the pace, but so far, I am impressed!
She did some research online and found a few CD-focused shops in the area (Chicago.) I took a 1/2 day this past Weds and we both went out together and did some shopping. She helped pick out some shoes that fit me (LOVE shoes), a wig (that also looks great), and a few other odds and ends. She did a LOT of talking with the shop owners ("Skyscraper Heels", and "Transformations by Rori"), asked a lot of questions - I was totally blown away. Totally. By both her questions and their answers. I think it really helped her to talk to someone OTHER than me about it, and see that they are NORMAL people. Honestly the guy at Skyscraper Heels - I'd have NEVER known he was a CD'er until he told us. He was very frank and open, even gave us a few contacts for local groups and other CD-friendly shops. And Rori was also incredible - friendly, honest, helpful. I'm not really sure what I was expecting, but I was still blown away.
We got home, and after we put our little guy to bed (he will be kept "in the dark" on this, NOT subjecting him to possible ridicule, etc.) she helped me get the wig on, put together an outfit... I tell you I had NO idea I could look like that. I didn't even have any makeup on and I still barely recognized myself!
The best part? She just called me here at the office a few minutes ago. She's out shopping. For me. Ok so it's a little bittersweet (I fear the bill!) but.... wow. And tomorrow our little guy goes to Grandpa's for the weekend so we can have Valentine's Day together... shopping is on the agenda again.
Somebody pinch me!
-Mandy
(note, my "femme" name may change, wife wants to think about what a good name for me would be, as "Mandy" was something I more or less pulled out of a hat...)
