What if it were the other way around?

[Karen]

What if after 25 yeare or so (and you always thought that you marriage
was PERFECT, and she came to you with the VERY VERY strong feeling
that she must crossdress and she has been suppressing it for 20 years
or so and she can't take it any longer. She goes on to tell you that
she only feels comfortable in men's clothes and VERY POSSIBLY would
like to have her breast removed. NEEDLESS TO SAY THIS WOULD BE
THE SHOCK OF A LIFETIME. iF YOU LOVE HER YOU WOULD DO WHAT??
NOW REMEMBER, YOU ARE NOT A CROSSDRESSER.
I hope and pray that this will never happen amongst this forum of
wonderful people....but how would you feel??????

[Lily]

Well, I have dealt with something like that. An ex girl friend of mine did not feel good dressing like a woman. Lets just say I should have been the perfect person to tell. I will admit I did understood and at the same time didn't because she was sooooo cute and everything I had wished I could be.

She didn't want to cut off her breasts but she did have them reduced. Later she started binding them. She only wore men's cloths at home and as often as he could when we were going out. Then she got tattoos up and down her arms.

You would have thought it was just perfect.... but after a while she wasn't happy with my dressing and wanted me to stop. Can you believe it. She wanted to be a man... but she wanted a man who was more manly then her when she was doing it.

She wanted to be a man, but didn't want to feel like the man in the relationship. I never tried to make her the man in the relationship but I guess just as I had a hard time understanding why someone so cute would want to be manly, she couldn't understand why I would want to be fem when she worked so hard to feel like a guy.

In the end she was then one who ended it. I understand she has had several boyfriends since then. Non of them have worked out. It should have been perfect but in the end it just meant we were too different.

Isn't life strange.

[Wendae]

I don't think I could handle it and that is why I don't push the issue with my wife. I keep it to myself, and that's not easy, and take oppertunities as they come around. I tried again 30 years ago and was saddened at her reaction. I'm an empath and her emotions overwhelmed me. It wasn't anger, but she became withdrawn and distant. So placing myself in her shoes I can understand the reaction. If I could do it all over again I would stay single and deal with life as I saw fit and not cause hurt to a loved one.

[Virginia]

I would only hope that I would be at least as open-minded as some of the SO's that post here.

This topic has come up before and I have thought about it and maybe its the romantic in me, but I think I would want to know more and better understand where she was coming from, so to speak.

It is my considered opinion that "in the real world," it would be harder for a gg to hide the fact that she was TG, however like the old adage goes, "Love is blind" and most males are so dumb about things like that, most of us would not even have a clue, until "hit between the eyes with the proverbial 2x4!"

Virginia

[Michelle Miller]

What if after 25 yeare or so (and you always thought that you marriage
was PERFECT, and she came to you with the VERY VERY strong feeling
that she must crossdress and she has been suppressing it for 20 years
or so and she can't take it any longer. She goes on to tell you that
she only feels comfortable in men's clothes and VERY POSSIBLY would
like to have her breast removed. NEEDLESS TO SAY THIS WOULD BE
THE SHOCK OF A LIFETIME. iF YOU LOVE HER YOU WOULD DO WHAT??
NOW REMEMBER, YOU ARE NOT A CROSSDRESSER.
I hope and pray that this will never happen amongst this forum of
wonderful people....but how would you feel??????

Assuming it was my life, just backwards, I suppose I'd say to myself "Hmmm, maybe that's why she always dressed like a steelworker!"...

Oh, wait, my ex-wife did that anyway... damned crossdressers!

[Carolynn]

Sometimes during a TS's therapy sessions their therapist will bring that up to better help them understand the reactions of spouse and family. The initial feelings are verrrry interesting and sometimes take several sessions and a lot of "homework" to work through and understand. But it is a good way to cast a new light on how a spouse might feel. It also underscores that love is often selfish and all too conditional. Something else to think about.

[Absaroka]

I'll admit I am not accepting enough to like it. This is why I keep my gift to myself.

Although my wife is something of a tomboy which is the kind of woman that has always attracted me.

Zari

[Karen]

Hi Ladies

All of your answers are good and have enjoyed reading them all.

The answer that Wendae gave was the closest to my situation.

As time goes by I'll become a little more at ease in this forum

and I'm sure I'll be posting more.

Anyway, so far, its fun and all of you make it this way.

[DanteCarrie (FTM)]

I would like to point out that there are very big differences between transgendered transvestites and crossdressers though the feelings may be connected and lead on to each other they often aren't.
transgendered people truly aren't completely happy with their gender and wish to live as the other whether this involves just dressing as them or hormone in take or whether it leads to transexualism with surguries whereas transvestites may love to pass as the other gender and that be an important part of their identity they do not feel in the wrong body as such necessarily. and crossdressing by technical, original terms (though it can be used interchanagably with transvestitism) is wearing the opposite genders clothes and stuff but not really trying to pass e.g. think Rocky Horror picture show's tim curry as frankun furter thats crossdressing as he was physcally obviously a man did not try to appear to have breasts or cover up make genitalia....at all but wore very typically female clothes like corset etc and full makeup. ironicaly that film does feature refurance to himself as a transvestite but this is crossdressing wheras transvestitism would be trying to pass as female for a time.
I'm a crossdresser as i buy men's shirts and underwear etc and wear them and less makeup, gelled hair etc but can't pass and don't really try to and would never want at the end of the day to change by body.

so to say that a female crossdressing partner would want her breasts rmved would be inaccurate unless she was trandgendered. even if she was a transvestite and desperate to pass i imagine if that was the extent she would merely bind or have them reduced at the most.
so obviously i would be completely understanding. afterall her body wouldn't change and at the end of the day what she looks like nude is most important.
but also being bi if my partner was totally transexual I'd be ok. i mean at first I'd be sad he'd loose his genitals cas well I've grown attached to them emotionally but I'm sure I'd come to love the new ones too. so obviously i expect any partner to be cool with who i am.
I think what we expect from our partner's can only be justified if we would react the same to them. so if we would be sad and destraught at them what right do we have to expect understanding but if we know we'd be cool with it then yes our desire for understanding is 100% logical.

[DanteCarrie (FTM)]

I would like to point out that there are very big differences between transgendered transvestites and crossdressers though the feelings may be connected and lead on to each other they often aren't.
transgendered people truly aren't completely happy with their gender and wish to live as the other whether this involves just dressing as them or hormone in take or whether it leads to transexualism with surguries whereas transvestites may love to pass as the other gender and that be an important part of their identity they do not feel in the wrong body as such necessarily. and crossdressing by technical, original terms (though it can be used interchanagably with transvestitism) is wearing the opposite genders clothes and stuff but not really trying to pass e.g. think Rocky Horror picture show's tim curry as frankun furter thats crossdressing as he was physcally obviously a man did not try to appear to have breasts or cover up make genitalia....at all but wore very typically female clothes like corset etc and full makeup. ironicaly that film does feature refurance to himself as a transvestite but this is crossdressing wheras transvestitism would be trying to pass as female for a time.
I'm a crossdresser as i buy men's shirts and underwear etc and wear them and less makeup, gelled hair etc but can't pass and don't really try to and would never want at the end of the day to change by body.

so to say that a female crossdressing partner would want her breasts rmved would be inaccurate unless she was trandgendered. even if she was a transvestite and desperate to pass i imagine if that was the extent she would merely bind or have them reduced at the most.
so obviously i would be completely understanding. afterall her body wouldn't change and at the end of the day what she looks like nude is most important.
but also being bi if my partner was totally transexual I'd be ok. i mean at first I'd be sad he'd loose his genitals cas well I've grown attached to them emotionally but I'm sure I'd come to love the new ones too. so obviously i expect any partner to be cool with who i am.
I think what we expect from our partner's can only be justified if we would react the same to them. so if we would be sad and destraught at them what right do we have to expect understanding but if we know we'd be cool with it then yes our desire for understanding is 100% logical.

[DonnaT]

I would like to point out that there are very big differences between transgendered transvestites and crossdressers

Not so. Transgendered is an umbrella term covering all gender benders.

I'm a crossdresser/transvestite, and I am also transgendered. I am happy being a man, and have no desire to live my life as a woman, transitioned or not.

Being trans is based on genetics/hormones. Something we are born with.

Something we can't stop.

Many CDs/TVs don't identify as being transgendered. Maybe they aren't, maybe the are and they are fooling themselves. There is no scientific proof to back any of it up. If someone says the are, or aren't, trans, then good for them. Not for me to say different.

But a general statement that CDs/TVs aren't trans? I say different.

[DonnaT]

With regard to Karen's post, I would hope that my being quite liberal would mean that I would accept my wife's needs to CD if she had them. Some of it I know I would enjoy

From this guys point of view, however, two women together is much more appealing than two men together. That is, if I were a woman I think I'd have been a lesbian.

[Absaroka]

I'd like to think that if my wife decided to transition that we'd remain buddies, that I'd have a guy to hang out with. But I'd want a girlfriend or wife also. Hopefully the guy my wife became would like her.

In reference to Dante's post, my wife, while quite pretty, often dresses like those folks some here like to complain about seeing at Wal Mart. Sweats, tees and so on. She's quite cute on them. Personally I don't think I'd be happy with a woman who wore makeup to work in the yard, or worse yet, didn't do yard work because she'd get dirty and sweaty.

The thing is, in a mans teeshirt and sweat pants, dirty and sweaty, she looks very feminine.

Zari

[Lydia]

You hit on a crucial point, Zari.

A GG can wear anything and she still looks like a GG. We have to work at it to barely get there.

Hugs,

Lydia

[April Rose]

I think that helping a GG seriously cross dress as a male would be a real hoot!