Femininity Overconsumers

[Lily]

I think feeling pretty is important to many of us and sadly it has always been something you have to pay for. What is pretty and how do we determine it?

For myself I think buying things can at times grow from need into overconsumption; however I don’t believe it is just from what I see in advertising, although that surely has a hand in it, but that desire to reach that image that was first in my head the day I put on a dress and it felt so good but didn’t look quite right.

I kept working on it and working on it. Thinking of that feminine roll model in my mind that I wanted to be like. As for the early question of end goal, I believe that is it for me. To feel at one with that first feeling that something wasn’t right, that I wasn’t expressing who I was inside, finding that person and bringing her out and making it right.

Advertisements play on those needs in all people. Our desires just differ a little form those of others. I don’t believe they are any more or less. But you have given me much to think about. It is both strong and insightful of you to bring it up.

Love

Lily

[Robyn Katie]

Interesting point, Anita, about realizing you were trying to model yourself on a girlfriend ... It made me wonder whether I had ever done so.

At first I thought not. I'm pretty sure I haven't modeled myself on anyone I've ever been intimate with. Does that go back to my point about intimacy, above? Maybe when I've been truly intimate with someone, I pass beyond objectifying her, and become mentally united with her, so can't use her as a model because I can no longer see her as separate?

In fact I never thought I had adopted any model in becoming Robyn Katie — thought she just emerged on her own.

But I realize that's not entirely true. Thinking about it, I see I have modeled myself partly on one girl whom I always wanted to date, and never did. She was fragile, sweet and fluffyhaired, and I guess somehow she's stayed with me in an internalized way I only now begin to see.

How strange and remarkable it feels to know that! Anita, thanks for the suggestion. It really rings true.

Love, Robyn Katie

[Absaroka]

My male self has certainly modeled itself on a variety of people that I admire. It's an ongoing process as a I continue to find people of both genders that I admire. I pick up their mannerisms and that sort of thing. At this age I am able to allow this to happen without losing sight of who I am, although I often feel like I have been a number of different people over the years. So it makes perfect sense that whatever female side I have does the same thing. After all some of my role models as a male have been females.

It's been often noted that people who are married for a long time sometimes begin to look like each other. I'd imagine it's this same dynamic at work.

Also probably not a coincidence that my taste in clothing sometimes mirrors that of my wife. I've bought stuff for myself and decided to give it to her instead, usually as a bday or Xmas present. Anyone else do this?

Zari

[Vieja]

Heck over consumption is what we need to get the economy out of the doldrums. And for me it sometimes just feels good to go buy something feminine. Oh Migod!! the urge just hit me. Gotta go shop.

Vieja

[Gillian]

If you have a little extra money it gets used in how we express ourselves as individuals. The whole advertising industry earns it money showing you how to express yourself. What kind of car do you drive? What kind of food do you like? I have always wondered, if society didn't care how I dressed, no limitations, how far would I go? I am talking about not passing as a woman, but dressing as one and everyone knowing that I was a man. I think obsessing about something can be related to whether we are allowed to have it. I used to get obsessive about panties until I told my SO and she said that she didn't care. Then I obsessed about Bras. She didn't care about what she didn't see. You get the picture. Now tell yourself that you can not have that big piece of chocolate layer cake. Think about that nice rich icing. Think about it long enough, you will get obsessive about something sweet, its human nature. Express, don't obsess, it is a waste of money.