How Far will my Husband Go????

A 'round table' for CDs, TGs and GG/SOs to talk with each other. We're all in this together, so let's make the most of it.

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Josey
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How Far will my Husband Go????

Post by Josey »

Hi Y'all,

Once again, I have been reading the posts from the SO's and find that one fear shared by most is the question that comes once the CD'ing is revealed. He has gone this far, where does it end? When I told my wife, one question she had was,"Do you want to become a woman?" I would guess that this fear and unknown is rather universal and understandable under the circumstances. I do know that some who CD only wear underwear under their male clothing and others go all the way to TS so I would guess there is no pat answer. I know, that doesn't make those who read this more comfortabe. I wish I could solve all the problems between CD's and SO's but, heck, I have trouble even doing my income tax! _P I'm just not smart enough to cure the world's problems.

All I can tell you is that when my wife asked that question, I told her absolutely not. I want to look the part and maybe feel some of the part because a woman is the most beautiful creation on this earth. Being a man, however, makes me even more appreciative of that beauty and I sure don't want to give that up. I have been alone now for three years, retired, and have absolutely nothing stopping me from doing as I want. I am still the same as I was when she died only lonlier! I have made no attempts to become a woman and have only gone out of the house dressed a half a dozen times to parties.

My point is that when I answered my wife in the negative, she believed me. I experimented with different clothes (some looked rediculous on this fat body!! rotf ) and with different makeup but that was all and that still is all. Most of my time is spent in shorts and a comfy top when I dress at all. I guess what I am trying to say (perhaps not well :oops: ) is that your husband is probably not lying to you when he tells you that all he wants to do is dress. Your supporting him could actually keep him going in a direction which you can live with. Most will dress to please their SO as long as they can dress. For instance, my wife wanted nothing to do with me having a wig but she had no objection with me growing long hair which went to about two inches below the shoulder. In fact, she loved it and so did I until I got it caught in the wheel of a creeper while working on the car and layed in the driveway for about 20 minutes until I got it untangled!!! :evil: It was cut the next day!!!

At this point, I have probably said enough although I don't know for sure that I have said what I really wanted to. The fear of the unknown has always been the greatest of fears. Man for ages has asked what happens when I die. There are all kinds of theories but no real answer. The same would apply to CD. Everybody (including me) has a theory of the cause and the drive behind CD'ing. No one has an answer. Just like death, we have to learn to live with it and make the best of what we have. The alternative in either case is very sad.

Once again, thank you for listening to me. I hope this helps make some people think about their situations and understand them. As for me, it has helped me get some things off my chest. ^^_||

(--)
"The early bird catches the worm...But... It's the second mouse that gets the cheese"
Amber(SO)
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Post by Amber(SO) »

Josey,
I don't think the problem is with not beliving our CDSOs, but with the unknown. When we first find out about the CDing, we automatically assume the worst. Lack of knowledge is a serious problem. We don't really know anything until they tell us, or we do some research. I talked to Kyra alot in the first few weeks, but asked all the wrong questions. I didn't really know what CDing meant for her. Like you said, for some it is only underwear or hosery, for others it may eventually lead to SRS. It is that initial shock and fear that we have the most fear of. Once we know all of the details of our CDSO we can begin to analyze and acclimate ourselves to it.

As for being lonely, I truly hope that you have a good circle of friends. You may eventually want to find a female friend, but until that time, true friends can be a lonliness buffer. You seem like such a wonderful person. I'm sure you have a ton of friends, just make sure at least one of them is your "bosom buddie." rotf Sorry, or best friend.

Take care, I'll be thinking of you. (--) Amber
A true friend is someone who reaches for your hand and touches your heart.
Josey
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Location: North Central Florida

Post by Josey »

Hi Amber,

Thanks for the nice reply. There is no answer to all the situations. Each of us looks at life differently. I've heard it said that makes life interesting.

As for the "Bosom Buddy", I wouldn't argue. In fact, if it comes across, here's a picture of my dream girl sitting on my front fence.

Image

Now, if I could find her sitting there, I could probably be quite happy! rotf



(--)
Last edited by Josey on Fri Mar 05, 2004 2:33 pm, edited 2 times in total.
"The early bird catches the worm...But... It's the second mouse that gets the cheese"
Amber(SO)
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Location: Fort Fun, CO

Post by Amber(SO) »

Josey,
I'm sorry, I couldn't open the picture. I am so glad you have someone that you are close to though. Forums are great, but they lack the face to face contact that we all need. I suggested to CJ once that we need to have a big forum convention. Then we could all meet and have a big party. Now that would be fun! ^@^ Perhaps one day.

XOXO, Amber
A true friend is someone who reaches for your hand and touches your heart.
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Curly(SO)
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Post by Curly(SO) »

I would just like to say a big thank you to Josey, Julie, CJ, Krya, Beauty and Elle. (I hope I've not missed anyone out!)

I have really enjoyed reading your thought provoking posts concerning us SO's, over the last week. I have learned a lot from these recent discussions, many of my worries have been allayed, and I'm amazed by the amount of respect you all have for us GG's!

I do believe that being a CD gives you a greater insight into a woman's mind. I have certainly noticed this with my own hubby. I am aware, (and love the fact) that my CDing hubby gives me far more love and respect than any man I have met before.

I think the point I'm trying to make is that it is great to be appreciated and understood! :)

Curly(SO)
Beauty
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Post by Beauty »

Hi Curly,

You're welcome. :) :) :) :)

Can you explain more about being amazed about the amount of respect we have for you GG's? I'm so blinded by my TG'd side lately that I forgot GGs can think we do not have the utmost respect for them. However, after reading your post I remembered that some women are offended by men who dress as women. :-k

So, I was hoping you could explain what you thought initially.

Thank you so much for being a part of this forum!!! We're glad to have your feedback to and other SOs. I think this really helps both those of us who are married and the single CDs who are going to meet someone one day soon about how women think regarding our dressing.

Beauty
Josey
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Post by Josey »

Hi to Amber,

A convention would be a lot of fun. I have been contemplating a trip to your fine city for quite a while and am ready to go but right now I have an 88 year old mother with cancer and other problems who needs my help. That comes first and I guess I won't be going any where until I lose that responsibility, and I'm not pushing that day as you can imagine. Maybe some day!

(--)
"The early bird catches the worm...But... It's the second mouse that gets the cheese"
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Curly(SO)
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Post by Curly(SO) »

Hi Beauty,

I suppose the reason why I'm always amazed at being respected by men, is that before I met Ed, I spent far too many years in relationships with men who had absolutely no respect for me whatsoever! Well, that is history now, thank goodness!

As for what I thought initially, about CDing...well, having no knowledge about it, I did think it was odd. I couldn't understand why a man would want to dress as a woman. I was worried that I would not still see my husband as a 'real man' anymore, that maybe he would start acting differently, and wouldn't be so protective of me. I was worried that the person I had known was all just an act, the the real him was this girl. To be honest, I was worried I was going to lose the man I adored and have this strange girl in his place. I liked the fact that my husband adored my femininity, and I thought that maybe this had also just been an act, that really he just wanted that for himself. I did feel like I didn't know him anymore, for a little while.

I needn't have worried, because over the last few months I have seen that my husband, the man I knew before was still real, still a 'man' and his CDing was an added dimension, that had been hidden from me before.
I still have moments, when I see him dressed, that I think 'this is weird!'
I try to overcome this feeling, by looking deeper than our genders, and thinking of us as two human beings who love each other.

I still have the odd wobbly moment of confusion, CDing is a confusing thing! You have really made me think, today, Beauty!!!
:-k

Curly(SO).
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CJ
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Post by CJ »

Hi all,

Curly,

Thanks for the kind words. It's great to know that you get something out of this forum. So do I. So de we all.

Like Beauty said, I know there are women out there who don't take too kindly to the idea that there are men who want (or need) to present as women. They see it as a sign of disrespect rather than as the sincerest form of flattery. Of course, as a crossdresser myself, I would say that! :wink:

In my own life, what I try not to do is to put women up on a pedestal, something I know many a CD has been accused of doing, for the love of femininity and womanhood. Doing so robs you of your humanity; although an unrepentant idealist, flesh-and-blood women matter so much more to me than the abstract notions surrounding womanhood. It's always what's human that matters (so I guess that, no matter how much I would wish it, I can't really exclude men from this either :wink: ) Women are not goddesses any more than men are crass, insensitive brutes. Both women and men are human, and some humans are strikingly beautiful while others are jerkoids from another world.

To quote a wise and generous person, here, whenever any two of us become each other's life partners, what matters is "...looking deeper than our genders, and thinking of us as two human beings who love each other." Really, that's all that matters.

By the way, Curly, how did that job interview go? Any callbacks? Here's wishing you soon may find what your heart desires (and what your wallet may need :) ).

Love,
CJ
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Curly(SO)
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Post by Curly(SO) »

Job interview next Thurday (11th) 8-[
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LeftyRainbow(SO)
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Post by LeftyRainbow(SO) »

Good Luck Curly..I will be thinking of you and crossing my fingers... (--)

Lefty 8)
Beauty
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Post by Beauty »

Curly(SO) wrote:Hi Beauty,

I suppose the reason why I'm always amazed at being respected by men, is that before I met Ed, I spent far too many years in relationships with men who had absolutely no respect for me whatsoever! Well, that is history now, thank goodness!

As for what I thought initially, about CDing...well, having no knowledge about it, I did think it was odd. I couldn't understand why a man would want to dress as a woman. I was worried that I would not still see my husband as a 'real man' anymore, that maybe he would start acting differently, and wouldn't be so protective of me. I was worried that the person I had known was all just an act, the the real him was this girl. To be honest, I was worried I was going to lose the man I adored and have this strange girl in his place. I liked the fact that my husband adored my femininity, and I thought that maybe this had also just been an act, that really he just wanted that for himself. I did feel like I didn't know him anymore, for a little while.

I needn't have worried, because over the last few months I have seen that my husband, the man I knew before was still real, still a 'man' and his CDing was an added dimension, that had been hidden from me before.
I still have moments, when I see him dressed, that I think 'this is weird!'
I try to overcome this feeling, by looking deeper than our genders, and thinking of us as two human beings who love each other.

I still have the odd wobbly moment of confusion, CDing is a confusing thing! You have really made me think, today, Beauty!!!
:-k

Curly(SO).
Hi Curly,

Thanks for answering me. :)

Good luck with the JOB!!! [-o<

Beauty
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Kyra
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Post by Kyra »

Hey everyone,

Curly, thanks for the compliment. I've never thought of myself as "thought provoking". I appreciate your kindness. There are some men out there who are "beasts", but there are also some "beauties". What sets CD's apart from the norm , I think, is a desire to show feminine qualities. (Clothing, appearance, mannerisms, whatever) This softer side of us makes us better partners. My POV.
also, Good Luck with the job interview. Fingers are crossed.

Josey, good luck in your quest. Finding treasure isn't easy. When you do, though, you just have to thank the heavens above for the gift. I do. (No, I'm not gloating, just humble honesty) I hope the problems of your mother aren't too much of a strain on you.
Oh, and if you do get over to 'Nawlins, let us know!!

Hugs to all,
Kyra
For once you have tasted flight you will walk the earth with your eyes turned skywards, for there you have been and there you will long to return. - Leonardo DaVinci
Amber(SO)
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Post by Amber(SO) »

Josey,
I'm so sorry to hear about your dear mother. I hope she is not suffering. My step-mother-in-law has lung cancer and is slowly fading away. It's scary because she is about 6 months younger than my mom, and they both have smoked for about 40 years. I hate this time in life when we start having to deal with the illness or death of our parents. Especially when you are very close. I'm sure you have been a doting child to your mother, so that makes it easier on her. All you can do is be there for her and try to make her comfortable and happy. Show her how much she is loved, that will be the best gift you can give her. My prayers are with you both.

Curly,
Is this the job that you wanted so much? I hope you get it if it's the right one. And if it's not, I hope you get it anyway! :lol: I know what it's like to miss having a paycheck, and wondering what bill you won't pay this month. Keep your chin up girl. Be confident and act like you are choosing them, and you'll get it! Best of luck.

XOXO, Amber
A true friend is someone who reaches for your hand and touches your heart.
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CJ
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Post by CJ »

Hi all,

Curly,

I also wanted to wish you good luck for next Thursday.

Also, that's a cool new avatar you have there! 8) It's always great to be able to put a face (and a very pretty one, too!) to a name.

Love,
CJ
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