Going far, too far?

[Carmen Roma]

yes I know the feeling, in my case at first I did not wanted anybody to find out, then i started going out and driving around town, then i joint this forum and now I really tempted to meet another crossdresser in person. which means my secret will be out. many people know me and I am always afraid I will find some familiar face that will recognize me and will be shock to learn the truth about me.

[Susan]

I too spent many years in the closet afraid that some one would find out my secret. Telling my then girlfriend before she became my wife was one of the hardest things I have done. This all changed 3 years ago when I found a local place (on another forum) who offered makeovers. I was astonished at the difference. This put me on the road to where I am now. I took a course in how to apply make up and the following December I took my first baby steps out when I went to a Christmas party at said makeover place already dressed and made up.

I have been going out at least twice a month since January including a 2 hour walk through a busy shopping centre on a Saturday afternoon. the only reaction I had to that was a woman saying to her husband "That blond lady is tall"

Yes each step does get the adrenaline pumping but I have reached the point now I think where Susan can go anywhere with out undue excitement. I am happy where I am now. I will continue going out, not dressed like a lot of women do scruffy, but wearing a nice outfit, that may get me noticed but I don't care any more. I know now that when I take the trouble I can pass and I do enjoy the jealous looks I get off the scruffy women. If only they knew the truth.

[Lydia]

Speaking of scruffy - I think that the ugliest, scruffiest look is the one that now seems to be promoting the macho image. I mean the unshaven look - not a beard, yet a minimal beard. We used to make fun of Yasser Arafat's constant maintenance oif a 3 day growth.

Maybe my generation gap is showing?

Hugs,

Lydia

[Ms. Darla]

Not sure if it is really pushing boundries or just hoping that others will accept you even if it is just a little. When I first started shopping I was sure that everyone could hear my heart racing as I was looking. Then it was when I actually touched some of the clothes. Just sure I was going to be on You Tube in 10 minutes.

Now I am much more comfortable, I walk in confident and look at everything and shop. I have been to a particular JcPenny's so much the staff even points lets me know if somethng I might like is there before I ask.

Give yourself time, baby steps, and you will be ok. Most people do not care and even the ones who do go about there business soon enough.

[Mány B]

Thank you all for viewing my question under so different angles. I particularly agreed with Elisabeth's point of view saying that it requires a lot of energy to hide a secret, an energy we do not always have.
Still, when reading other topics I encounter several situations where one of you is surprised by the boldness one's own acts. Something irrational is driving us to boundaries that seem to be receding further and further...

Keep going, love

[Danielle La Belle]

Hi Girls:

Let me start out by saying this: If I were to ask my brother the basic question, “why my behavior,” he would go into his library of books, over 3,500, and perhaps pull out 2 or 3 that address both human behavior and more in-depth, the brain and it’s functions as we know them to be today.

That is, he would approach this issue as he does most, with that of a scientific bent. I too have this tendency but, I also understand that one is looking for perhaps more basic reasoning. Without going into how perhaps the brain works on such issues, it is safe to say, humans at different times, enjoy “pushing the envelope,” to test their skill and to feel the adrenaline rush. We know that something could go wrong. We could be seen. I have been there … done that!

Think of the sign on the park grass …. “Keep off the Grass!” Have you ever just wanted to run through the grass at the park with the designated no-no sign? I have! There is a song from long ago, “sign, sign, every where a sign.” Sometimes we just wanted to burst out in song while riding public transportation because it would be exhilarating! We refrain from doing so for fear of what others might think, say, or even do to us after our sudden, unexplained burst of emotional energy. On the other hand, using a fairly well known song, others might join in! Who is to say for sure what might happen? We test the idea in our private mind, we rumble around with the idea for days.

Picture this idea:

A movie where there is this rather melba-toast individual. He has a routine job. A routine day everyday. Nothing ever happens to good old Charlie! Charlie takes his lunch each day in a local park. One day, after for years, observing the “Keep off the Grass” sign,” Charlie is just tired of droning on and on everyday. No excitement. Everything is routine and planned. Ho-Hum!

One day, while in the park at lunch time, Charlie, casual as he is, observes that aging sign, “Keep off the Grass.” It plays back in his head over and over. Suddenly! Charlie just jumps up, and starts to run across the grassy area with reckless abandon. In the background, “Chariots of Fire” music is playing. A close-up of Charlie’s face and he is all smiles! His head held high, his chest out and in slow-motion, running and gleefully dancing in the grass. He reaches the other side and boom…the music stops and here is the park policeman with a very stern look about him. Ticket book in hand, he writes Charlie a ticket for his exploration of the taboo grass area with a fine of $50.00!

You can play this movie in your head with common creativity that we all share albeit equally for the most part. Life returns to “normal,” and Charlie once again, is sitting on the park bench with his “tuna on rye” sandwich and bottled water. Looking about, he eye’s the taboo grass, complete with “Keep off the Grass” sign and plays back in his head that wonderful day that he burst out of his shell!

“The End.”

Hugs

Danielle Marie

[JoAnnDallas]

In a period of two years I went from being deep in the closet, to telling my wife, to going out en fem with or with out my wife, joining Tri-Ess, telling my doctor, and my nail salon I go to.
You be surprised how quickly things can escalate once you come out of the closet. LOL
Just lately, I told my oldest Neice and my oldest sister. My other sister and husband still don't know and our son still doesn't know.

[Wendae]

I think over time we just get wore out. It feels so good to dress up and be who we are that it kills our desire to keep it secret.

I agree with you Elizabeth. Sometimes I just want to say f... it, and run screaming out the door!

[Patti D]

I feel you can sit at home only so long. Every activity we do we push the last limit, do we not. I don't push the (SO) , she pushes back ,hehehe