Were you abused as a child?

[Carolynn]

Were you abused as a child? If so, how did you deal with it growing up? Was it a family member or other? Was it sexual or other?

I ask this for several reasons. My therapists have asked me to talk to six young people who were abused in childhood, and are sexually or gender variant at the present time. I am interested in knowing the incidence in our forum members lives as it may help me get a handle on how to help these young people. We have our 3rd group meeting the middle of next week, so if you are willing to share, either online, or through PM, you might be able to help me to help them. They know they are not alone since they have met as a group and know others who have been through abuse as well, but they do not realize the depth of the problem and still think it is somewhat their fault.

It seems that at least part of them were perceived as "femmy" by adult family members, siblings and friends, or other adults, and that was the abuser's excuse for the abuse. They were told they were asking for it, perceived as not man enough and needed a "seeing to", and in one case the kid was taken on a "camping trip" for three days by his mother's boyfriend. All were intimidated into silence about the event(s). One, a girl, was beaten by her father and male church members after she came out as lesbian, in an attempt to knock the devil out of her.

It is hard to hear the stories and see the tears and the undeserved self disgust, so if you can help me get a handle on this, please do.

Thanks, Carolynn

[DonnaT]

No abuse.

[Davita]

Never abused. I did grow up in the times when spanking were allowed and personally... I don't think I turned out so bad.

Was I petticoated for punishment? Nope *darn*

[Cindy Louise]

No never, I was never smacked as a child if I did something wrong my Dad would give me the "look" that said he was disappointed and saddened by what I had done. That look hurt more than any tanned arse ever could.

[Erica S]

I was not abused as a child.

Erica

[KimberlyS]

No childhood abuse for me. It began for me after getting married. My wife was mental abused growing up and she continued her dads work on me.

[Lucia]

I was not abused ,never.

[Susan]

In no way was I abused, I got a few smacks when I was naughty but both my parents gave me many more hugs and affection than smacks. I felt very loved when young and I miss both of them now they are long gone.

[Carol Ann]

I could never begin to tell you'al the hell my early life was.

[Joan]

Not afforded much affection at home, but never abused either.

When eight years old I lost my sister in a tragic accident which i was present at. I always felt i should have died not my sister, this tragedy has certainly affected me.

It could have been a catalyst for my CDing, wanting to be her for my parents. But i do no know for sure.

Joan

[Kimberly Kael]

I was never abused and don't associate my gender variance with any kind of childhood trauma. Sure, my stepfather was a homophobic jerk and a bit of a bully by nature, but I was never really the target of his rants. It was just ambient background that I was old enough to know said more about him than the rest of the world.

[Gillian]

Yes I was abused, and for many years it seemed like it had happened only the day before. My parents were the kind that used alot of shame, guilt and condemnation to punish any offence. At the age of four I was outside playing and did not make into the house in time and ended up peeing my pants. As a punishment I was put in panties(sisters), and both my sisters teased me about it and taunted me by calling me a sissy. This became the general procedure for dealing with many offences. Even as a 11 to 12 year old I was threatened with being dressed like a girl if I didn't tow the line. There was plenty of my sisters old clothes to go around. Well a year or so later I started to wear panties, and lingerie on my own and did wear them when ever I could. The first time that I came, I was in a bra, panties, slip, girdle and nylons. Well I have been hooked ever since. Hooked to the point that the material has to be nylon, nothing else will do.

[Carolynn]

Hi Glyn. I was really thinking of physical abuse, sexual or beating wise, but mental abuse counts too, and I suspect all of us have experienced some of that at one time or the other. The young people I am monitoring the support group for have all suffered physical/sexual abuse, some of them for seeming effeminate, and at least one case because she was honest with her wacko religious parents about her sex orientation.

I am not asking just the cders, but the SOs also. Again, if you would prefer to do so, please PM me with your experiences.

I am not a trained therapist, but I do hold degrees in psychology and sociology (AND I stayed in a Holiday Inn Express once ), as well as advanced degrees in Anthropology. My involvement with these young people is from a request from my therapists who have guided me through my transtion to surgery, as they know I listen and have the presence to keep the needed discussion going in the support groups. And the good sense not to make it worse.

Carolynn

[Leeza]

The only abuse that I had as a young person concerning cross dressing was the mental abuse I did to myself.

Leeza

[April Rose]

I'd have to agree with Leeza on that. I got caught by my step father when I was seven,and he didn't handle it well, but I can't really say he was abusive. It was just the times.