Were you abused as a child?

Absaroka · Post by **Absaroka** » Mon Oct 18, 2010 7:04 am

I was not abused. My sibs and I got hit a fair amount but usually just a spanking which was normal for those times.

However both my brother and sister have uncovered stuff ( old medical records and similar things) that have made them wonder if they were subject to sexual abuse as young children. With both parents dead they will probably never find out, and have both consigned these things to the unanswered questions category.

Zari

Debra Russell · Post by **Debra Russell** » Mon Oct 18, 2010 1:33 pm

Never any abuse only love and close family ties. I have heard sexual abuse causes problems in later life but I think more in the realm of self esteem depression or drug abuse but have not related cding to any of those

Carolynn · Post by **Carolynn** » Mon Oct 18, 2010 2:07 pm

Hi Debra.

Going back over some of the older topics on the forum, I noticed several that related their cding to being force femmed as a punishment when a child, and it has been advanced by members of the small group of young people as a reason they are TS/TG/DQ. That's why I asked.

I am glad you were free of abuse in your childhood.
Carolynn

Susan · Post by **Susan** » Tue Oct 19, 2010 4:32 am

There has never been any suggestion of force for me in this gift, it all grew in my head with no outside influence other than my mother who always looked so beautiful and elegant to me.

Robyn Katie · Post by **Robyn Katie** » Tue Oct 19, 2010 7:01 am

Hi Carolynn,

Yes, I was sexually abused as a child, by my father. My parents, while reasonably good in other respects, also used shame and guilt to excess. I've admitted as much in other topic posts, so I'm OK with admitting that here.

Let me collect my thoughts a bit, and I'll PM you and you can ask whatever questions you like.

Robyn Katie

Lydia · Post by **Lydia** » Tue Oct 19, 2010 7:23 am

Long pre-puberty, I filched my mother's bra and panties - age about 6. Mother caught me and screamed and beat me unmercifully with a rubber hose. Needless to say, I was more careful, but still got caught, yelled at and beaten. This continued until I got too big to beat - but was still yelled at and accused of being a pervert. Guilt and shame followed me for many years. When the internet came along, my first images were of porno shemales, and that scared me. Was this my fate?
Eventually, with the help of an understanding SO, and this forum, I came to understand myself: a happy 80% crossdresser.

Hugs,

Lydia

Joan · Post by **Joan** » Tue Oct 19, 2010 3:38 pm

Hi Lydia

That is a great positive post. Brilliant that you overcame your young experiences and found a supportive SO.

Joan

Amelie-Laveau · Post by **Amelie-Laveau** » Tue Oct 19, 2010 7:19 pm

I don't know what you consider being a child but I was sexually abused by older men when I was a young teenager and then at 15 I could take no more and ran away from home, then when about 19 I was beaten and raped by some guys in a hotel. Soon after that I tried to kill myself.

This is why I am always angry, this is why I hate most people including people on this forum. Hate is one way I can deal with the mental pain. Nowadays I am a cutter, I have DID and severe depression, and I live most of my life alone so I don't hurt too many people like I did to Virginia on this forum. With cutting, I only hurt myself. I have never lived without the feeling of hate and anger but soon that will change,, I don't need no stinkin' groups,, I got plans.

sorry Virginia for what I did.

bye

Absaroka · Post by **Absaroka** » Wed Oct 20, 2010 9:30 am

Amelie I'm so glad to see you back here. I was worried something bad had happened to you.

Zari

Carolynn · Post by **Carolynn** » Wed Oct 20, 2010 7:04 pm

I don't know if you saw or had an opportunity to see Tyler Perry on the Oprah show today. It was pretty much devoted to a discussion of his life as an abused child, from an early age, and the anger and difficulties he had with the concepts of love and sex. He was sexually abused by a woman, and by several men including his father who beat him a lot. It was obviously a very emotional topic for him. Oprah also spoke some about her own sexual abuse as a child. A lot of good grist for the mill, and one key statement, that by talking about it to someone, it could begin to lose it's hold over you. Also, one of the steps was a kind of forgiveness, not to mean it was kiss and make up, just a forgiveing within yourself to let go of the anger and hate so many feel.

There should be a repeat of the show tonight about 10 or 10:30. Check your local listings.

On November 5th, her show will again have Tyler Perry and some 200 men will be the audience and each will speak about their own abuse as children. That one should be of interest as well.

Carolynn

Robyn Katie · Post by **Robyn Katie** » Thu Oct 21, 2010 7:28 am

Yes, the "talking cure"—sharing it, letting it out, can take some of the sting out of bad things that happen to you. That's of course the premise in psychotherapy.

My experience in therapy is that it's not infallible. Therapy did me a lot of good, and I'm eternally grateful to my therapists, but IMHO while the technique of "getting it off your chest" by narrating it sometimes works, sometimes it only irritates the old wound without material improvement.

My view is that telling someone can be wonderfully empowering, can lighten the burden, but don't be surprised if in some cases it is like picking an old scar till it bleeds again, without detectable gain, and perhaps with some loss, causing fresh hurt that isn't constructive and doesn't lead to anything better consciously or (far as I could tell) subconsciously.

And that's even with a therapist who was wonderful, whose work was caring, compassionate and well focused. "Mixed bag" is my verdict on therapy. I'd recommend it but I wouldn't put all my hopes on it.

Love, Robyn Katie

Gillian · Post by **Gillian** » Thu Oct 21, 2010 9:39 am

When someone looks at abuse, everyone wants to see the scars. When the scars are psychological, in your mind, not much shows on the surface. The problem goes deep and can affect many areas of your life. When I told my SO about my past and CDing, it was like bells and whistles going off. "Ooh now I get it" she said, alot of your strange behaviors now makes sense. Mood swings, anger issues, and many other things started to make sense to her. She had a close relative abused also. I would even give her a hard time about some of her behaviors, maybe because I was repressing those same behaviors within myself. Some of the things I would make fun of her over, I just shake my head now. I wonder how much of my own macho behavior in the past has been the "pendulum" swinging the other way in denial of my genteel side. Dealing with who I am and self acceptance has been a long process. To few understand why someone would do what we all do and enjoy, it doesn't make any sense to them. Maybe they should walk a mile in my "4 inch heels" for awhile.
PS: My resent name change on this site reflects some of this step towards self acceptance. I really want to enjoy both sides of me, it is who I am.

Carolynn · Post by **Carolynn** » Tue Oct 26, 2010 11:28 am

I would like to thank everyone who responded to the topic, both in the open posts and in PM. Your experiences will continue to help, and last week did spark discussion and more than a few tears from a couple of new members of the group. I have a number of topics formed from those experiences, and they appreciated that you were willing to help them by sharing your experiences. I think I am seeing some real progress in losing the negative emotions their abuse has brought about, but most say they will "forgive" when the hot place has an ice age. I will have to re- explain that, and how it can help them.

Thanks all.
Carolynn

Bernice · Post by **Bernice** » Tue Oct 26, 2010 11:33 pm

You can read about my sordid past in the "My Beginnings" forum. Abuse is a rather vague term. My physical abuse was pretty limited, but it did occur on at least one occasion that I vividly recall. Emotional abuse - yes. Sexual abuse - not that I recall.

I started to make a sick self-deprecating joke about this, and then decided this subject is way too serious a subject even for a joke.

Hugs,

Bernice

Azurielle · Post by **Azurielle** » Sat Nov 06, 2010 1:29 am

I wasn't abused. I grew up with a nurse, a teacher, a policeman and a psychologist in my immediate family. If anything I was too safe and didn't have enough free room to dress up before college.