my beginnings

[Vivian]

Growing up in the Midwest
Growing up in the Midwest, I had the father that worked 12 hours a day’s 7 days a week running a small business and a mother who stayed home most of the time, and worked at the family business occasionally. I was the typical kid who played football, wrestled and did other sports. My friends and I would have dirt clod fights, play army, (as this was during the early 70’s when the Vietnam War was raging) built forts and generally lived the typical American life in the Midwest. My aunt lived in a small town in Missouri a couple blocks from my Grandmother and during the summer we would drive several hours to go visit them. This was my favorite time of year and the best and only vacations.
My grandmother lived in a house that was large for the time period, which she raised eight daughters and one son in, with my grandfather. My grandfather had died the year I was born and several of my aunts and my uncle were no longer living. My mother was the youngest daughter and was born in my grandmothers mid forties and wasn’t close to most of her siblings except the aunt who also lived in this town. The house had six bedrooms and was a snapshot of 20 years in the past. The closets in the rooms were filled with dresses, and women’s clothes and one bedroom had a vanity six feet long with a large round mirror and the top was covered with makeup, perfumes and everything you needed to get a girl ready for a night out on the town.
I had several sisters and when I was born, I stayed in the hospital for several months and didn’t initially come home. That was the excuse my mother had for abandoning me to one of my aunts to raise, who came to live with us for several years. My mother was particularly cruel, with constant criticisms and insults. She was physically abusive and being extremely overweigh, heavy and mean, I had to grow up fast, quick and tough to survive her tirades. My sisters were given everything, and treated with kindness and care while my father worked himself into the ground trying to make a living. He didn’t want any chaos or trouble when he came home for supper and liked things quiet. This environment fostered my need to get away from them.
When we arrived at my Aunts I would hang around for a little while then take off for my grandmothers. She was a little Irish lady who loved kids and would let me dress up and give me advice on putting makeup on and what clothes to match, between her daily chores. The dresses were fantastic, chiffon, silk, tassels and lace. She had poodle skirts and pencil skirts from the 1940’s. The piles of shoes that had become out of style were suddenly “in” and it was wonderful trying all of them on, mixing and matching clothes and shoes. I remember the oily smell of the old lipsticks and there was always lilac perfume and it is what the whole room smelled like. The hose were extremely delicate and looked great. The old garters were easier to snap than today’s. I would dress up and help my grandmother do her chores and we would cook breakfasts, lunch and dinners together. She always had a kind word and never raised her voice. She would sit with her arms around me and tell me about her kids as I would fall asleep on the couch. It was the best time I ever had up to that point.
On one occasion my cousin, who was my same age, came and dressed up with me. I learned the dressing up originally from him. He showed me the old clothes that were all over and the makeup and how much fun it was at my grandmothers. When we were about twelve, he and I were dressing up and I was in the kitchen making eggs with my Granny. I didn’t notice that my cousin had changed and slipped off. He went back to my aunt’s house and got some of my older cousins and brought them to house. They came in with him laughing and heaping insults and jeers at me from the front of the crowd. I was mortified by his betrayal. My grandmother scolded all of them and ran them out of her house. It was the one incident that almost ruined my day with my grandmother.
One thing I couldn’t believe was how my mother could have had that wonderful woman as a parent and end up the way she did. I will never forget those days at her house in the summers when I was a kid. It was a great time and my escape from my family was the second best part of my time with her.

Vivian

[Absaroka]

How did it come to be that your grandmother was dressing you up? did you ask? did she start it? How did the idea come up, and what was it like at first?

[DonnaT]

Glad you had your grandmother to turn to.

Sounds like your dad stayed at work to avoid your mother.

[Vivian]

Diamond Goddess,
My grandmother died shortly after that. She was ready to leave and had a full life. I found all the clothes with my cousin in the closets, I would go and hang out, feel the silks, lace, satins and try on the clothes. My grandmother didnt dress me, just give me tips, or sent me to the boxes of clothes in the attic with things that matched, and looked good. She was just very helpful.

Donna T, Pretty much everyone avoided my mother. LOL
Thanks for the replies. It warms my heart.

Vivian