Early years of guilt feelings with no one to talk with

[Helen]

lovely simply start thank you fpr sharing

[Ms Denier]

And thanks to you all for also sharing your special feelings on this very personal subject!

[Davita]

It was sssssooooo long ago. I think maybe I felt a bit of guilt; I'm guessing it was associated with shame. I know I was sneaking about the whole young years. I was also perplexed at why I did what I did, but any effort to stop was useless.

[Vivian]

I simply believe that women have the best clothes. Stunning, sexy, glamorous, beautiful and the biggest assortment of mixes and matches for every event, sitation and space. I can't understand why everybody isn't dressed as a woman. dressing in drab is just too boring.

Hugs Vivian

[Wesley]

Great missive about your beginnings.

It still amazes me how many parents of old, and probably today even plant the seeds of guilt in their children for sexual behavior, which by all standards is totally normal.

Still, there are way too many fellow and sister (correct terms?) crossdressers who carry some modicum of a long ago planted seed of guilt. Even worse, are those who are afraid to tell their spouse, or their spouse has rejected them for crossdressing.

[Toni_Lynn_P]

A few interesting thoughts in this thread. When I began crossdressing, in fact my earliest dip of a toe in an pond of gender stuff at age 7, came well before I knew anything about the birds and bees. As far as to what I was doing, it was quite second nature to me. It just was. as I matured things jelled in my brain, and while again it was not not related to anything sexual, I just was what I was, and wanted to wear girls clothes. As I indicate is another post, gynecomastia only helped confirm that, for example, I needed to wear a bra.

It wasn't untill I was about 21 when I first saw the word transvestite in the book The Joy of Sex that I found out what I was.

Around the time of being discovered, I then knew I had to get to bottom of things. My mum, figuring that I was totally messed up on the head, tossed a book called "What Every Boy Should Know" at me. This was total rubbish written in the puritanical terminology of the 1950s .. and here it was 1971! Believe you me, I wasn't totally messed up on the head before this all happened, but the events of my punishments and literature sure made it so. (No wonder even to this day I suffer from anxiety and paranoia)

Knowing that what I was reading was totally, I sought of the college library. That was even worse, for the books at the time where clinically cold. In no un-certain terms we got classified as deviants.

So along the way come Dr David Ruben's book 'Everything You Always Wanted to Know about Sex .. but were afraid to ask'. Well that even messed me up worse because he was more graphic in his discussion, and I was still quite innocent, and he pushed the angle that all of us who wanted to wear girl's clothes were gay and hung out in gays bars picking up men. For a very short period of time, I resigned myself to that description, but soon realised that I really liked girls -- I mean REALLY liked girls.

So trying to figure out how to prep myself for the eventuality of someday meeting the right one .. I read more. But this time it was within the mindset of I liked to dress as a girl and I was feminine. So, I read ... The Sensuous Woman. This kinda spun things in my mind to a) give me an idea as to what a women would want from me as her lovemate, and how I wanted to feel being as I was. Now that was great.

One offshoot of this, and I mention it only in passing, was that age age 18 I discovered the great little fiction books by Mutrix and Nutrix etc. Yeah they were naughty and such, but they became my escapes. At very least, at this point, I knew that there were others like me.

In closing, I will say that as with life, my crossdressing is a continuously evolving thing. And that is good

Hugs

Toni-Lynn

[DanielleM]

Ms Denier,
Thank you for sharing your story with us. Because of the guilt and shame it is very hard to share these stories. But I find, when you do, it's like a weight lifted from your shoulders. Bravo!

I was 15 when my mother caught me with my sisters panties and bra in my room. My father took me aside and grilled me.. my brother teased me... the guilt was overwhelming at times. Took me 40 years to reach the point in my life where I could talk about it again. No one can change the past but we can change the direction of our future.

[Martina Hall]

I don't do guilt. Defiance is a much more satisfying accessory.

[Mike P.]

I simply believe that women have the best clothes. Stunning, sexy, glamorous, beautiful and the biggest assortment of mixes and matches for every event, sitation and space. I can't understand why everybody isn't dressed as a woman. dressing in drab is just too boring.

Hugs Vivian

I completely agree, men's clothes are so boring, and that's why I always had some jealousy towards women when I see them in them outside, but could never figure out what was my issue with women. Everything is so much clearer now that I understand who I am, and do not have anymore guilt about it. I wish I figured this out some much earlier in life, I wonder where I would've been now. the whole confusion about why I feel like a teen in some ways makes a lot of sense, I just never got to develop inside completely, and accept who I am. I wish I didn't grow up into so many masculine things, but happy to be more free now!
Samantha Jane