Does your dressing vary with stress?

Anthony Simon · Post by **Anthony Simon** » Sun Jan 02, 2011 6:49 am

I'm someone whose dressing (up) definitely does. But I know for others there seems to be no correlation. So how do you feel?

Susan · Post by **Susan** » Sun Jan 02, 2011 7:23 am

Anthony

I don't think so, not for me anyway. I am sure my blood pressure drops when I am dressed but I have never had that measured. Its more of a mood thing for me as to what outfit I want to wear.

Anthony Simon · Post by **Anthony Simon** » Sun Jan 02, 2011 8:30 am

Susan,

That one rings a bell. There's all sorts of different variants for me, but the whole thing of getting into the clothes does definitely have an "Ahhhh..." quality.

Erica S · Post by **Erica S** » Sun Jan 02, 2011 9:01 am

My dressing does not correlate with stress. I am sure that when I am dressed I am more relaxed. I do know that when en feminine I feel good about how I am. Right now the feeling that I receive is too far apart from each time I can dress.

So to answer your question I do not think I dress due to stress or dress when I am relaxed. I guess it does not matter as long as I can dress and feel good about the way I look and feel.

Hugs,

Erica

Davita · Post by **Davita** » Sun Jan 02, 2011 9:52 am

Has someone said your dressing is related to stress? Just asking... Supposedly there have been studies to say that some dressers, like executives, use dressing (well more like being submissive that could include dressing) as a means of stress relief.

Over my years, I would suspect I dressed more when stressed, but then sometimes my not dressing caused the stress in the first place. Do I dress more with stress now? It's hard to think I can dress much more than I do already. What goes on now with my stressing and dressing is that they are totally separate concerns.

Leeza · Post by **Leeza** » Sun Jan 02, 2011 11:35 am

Through the years that I was raising kids my dressing was a stress relief. I didn't realize it till I was undergoing therapy for depression.

The therapist thought that doing anything to get rid of the cross dressing could be detrimental so worked more on me accepting it

In the last few years I have had GG friends who know me both ways comment that I was more relaxed when cross dressed.

Although I don't cross dress now for stress relief, I think there is some stress relief involved.

Leeza

Carolynn · Post by **Carolynn** » Sun Jan 02, 2011 2:11 pm

OK, in my preop days, for about 5 years before I started therapy, dressing in the evenings and as much of the weekend as I could was a major stress relief. I was fighting a losing battle between the conflict to be who I really was, and who I understood society and family insisted I be. The conflict got really intense, and suicide was always lurking near, but being able to decompress the conflict by dressing did work to an extent. Unfortunately, I always had to put the woman's stuff away and go to work and after a weekend, it was really hard to do, usually resulting in a day long depression that was hardly relieved by the evening dressing.

Then there were the days I was in the field, often with people I would be sharing a room with that night, and therefore couldn't dress. Those I had to prepare myself mentally for. I often felt like there was a gradual pressure building over the course of a week of field work, looking for a safety valve. It was always better when I didn't share a room, since then I had night clothes I could wear to bed.

So yeah, there was a strong element of stress relief or conflict relief in dressing, and it just got worse and worse. I went from a few times a week to every night and weekend, and my friends got increasingly worried because I seemed to be detaching from the social things we did together, I was so anxious to get home and change clothing.

You have to be careful not to let the evening/weekend dressing take over your life. If you are, then you have a larger problem than you might think.

Actually, things like starting electrolysis to remove facial hair helped a bit, and letting my hair grow longer and getting some shape to it,. I actually looked forward to the pain (at E-3000) because after each 8 hour session, there was less hair on my face and neck. Just had to keep my eye on the ring as I rode the merry-go-round. Estrogen was the big relief valve, and I felt better than I had in years and years after a month or so on E.

Carolynn

Anthony Simon · Post by **Anthony Simon** » Sun Jan 02, 2011 2:16 pm

Davita wrote:Has someone said your dressing is related to stress?

Well, my analyst (who's quite a bright guy) said it was "compensation". So, strictly speaking, no. But I construe that as being a response to stress on a kind of a grand scale because without the dressing I was falling down a deep hole.

Just asking... Supposedly there have been studies to say that some dressers, like executives, use dressing (well more like being submissive that could include dressing) as a means of stress relief.

I'm not sure with me that "submissive" is really the term to use. There's no doubt there's a passive element in me and that is part of the cross-dressing, but I think submissive adds something else. Actually, come to think of it, it's a great relief not to have to be active and aggressive and (as I see it) self-destructive masculine.

Over my years, I would suspect I dressed more when stressed, but then sometimes my not dressing caused the stress in the first place. Do I dress more with stress now? It's hard to think I can dress much more than I do already. What goes on now with my stressing and dressing is that they are totally separate concerns.

Reading that paragraph, it's hard not to notice that stressing and dressing are related words. But then to me the word "dressing" (as used by CDs) has the quality of held tension.

Anthony Simon · Post by **Anthony Simon** » Sun Jan 02, 2011 2:56 pm

Carolynn wrote:OK, in my preop days, for about 5 years before I started therapy, dressing in the evenings and as much of the weekend as I could was a major stress relief. I was fighting a losing battle between the conflict to be who I really was, and who I understood society and family insisted I be. The conflict got really intense, and suicide was always lurking near, but being able to decompress the conflict by dressing did work to an extent.

It sounds nightmarish. Like your life drive was saying "I'm a woman" and wouldn't accept anything else.

Unfortunately, I always had to put the woman's stuff away and go to work and after a weekend, it was really hard to do, usually resulting in a day long depression that was hardly relieved by the evening dressing.

Then there were the days I was in the field, often with people I would be sharing a room with that night, and therefore couldn't dress. Those I had to prepare myself mentally for. I often felt like there was a gradual pressure building over the course of a week of field work, looking for a safety valve. It was always better when I didn't share a room, since then I had night clothes I could wear to bed.

So yeah, there was a strong element of stress relief or conflict relief in dressing, and it just got worse and worse.

To me it sounds like your central identification was as a woman and not being able to physically have the body for that was, then, the source of your stress. The dressing up alleviated that, but the demand grew stronger and stronger and with it the intensity of the dressing.

I went from a few times a week to every night and weekend, and my friends got increasingly worried because I seemed to be detaching from the social things we did together, I was so anxious to get home and change clothing.

You have to be careful not to let the evening/weekend dressing take over your life. If you are, then you have a larger problem than you might think.

Yup, that is one of my problems. But generally I find that other people (like it's even happened to me when I was buying a wig) will indicate that I'm going too far.

Actually, things like starting electrolysis to remove facial hair helped a bit, and letting my hair grow longer and getting some shape to it,. I actually looked forward to the pain (at E-3000) because after each 8 hour session, there was less hair on my face and neck. Just had to keep my eye on the ring as I rode the merry-go-round. Estrogen was the big relief valve, and I felt better than I had in years and years after a month or so on E.

Carolynn

What is interesting about that is there is a (I suppose) relatively simple pharmacological solution to (some of) your stress.

But you do have to wonder what happened to people like you before surgery was available.

Carolynn · Post by **Carolynn** » Sun Jan 02, 2011 9:49 pm

It sounds nightmarish. Like your life drive was saying "I'm a woman" and wouldn't accept anything else.

To me it sounds like your central identification was as a woman and not being able to physically have the body for that was, then, the source of your stress. The dressing up alleviated that, but the demand grew stronger and stronger and with it the intensity of the dressing.

I was born physically midway between male and female (mildly intersexed), but completely neither. Medical practice of the time and in some places continuing today was to look at the kid and decide the gender and do surgery to make it so. Doctors love to play God. Unfortunately, surveys show they were/are correct in their assessments less then 40% of the time.

Yup, that is one of my problems. But generally I find that other people (like it's even happened to me when I was buying a wig) will indicate that I'm going too far.

I hate to tell you this (no I don't, really) but you and only you are responsible for your life. Everyone else will have an opinion, but ultimately, your life is your decision. This is a hard lesson to learn as it often goes against our grain as nurturing, self-effacing people, and one that I only truly learned late in my life. Be yourself and to Hades with the opinions of others. They are not living life from inside your skin and mind. You are.

"Estrogen was the big relief valve, and I felt better than I had in years and years after a month or so on E."

What is interesting about that is there is a (I suppose) relatively simple pharmacological solution to (some of) your stress.

There is very little that is simple about hormones. First you have to get past the gate keepers, then you have to have medical supervision because unsupervised use of too high a dosage can mean a different kind of suicide. Deep Vien Thrombosis and liver damage are two results, and in us old peeps, there is increasing evidence that type II diabetes can be triggered by shifting to estrogen and dumping testosterone later in life.

Yes there are wonderful benefits if you need them, one of the largest of which is a sense of "rightness" that replaces the conflict, even if the chemical changes late in life are still not reflected as much in physical changes as in younger folks.

But you do have to wonder what happened to people like you before surgery was available.[/quote]

What happened was that 50% of them or more were dead before they were 30 years old. It's better now, but the new critical threshold is age 48-50. That seems to be when people realize lives are winding down, and that their time to do something about their conflict and needs is increasingly shorter. So, people often lose hope and find a way to check out, or they try to "buckle down" and finish their lives as they are expect to, often resulting in early death (tragic single car "accidents"). Conflict like I was going through kept my blood pressure high, even with blood pressure medicine, and I am sure did some damage. On the other hand, when I dumped the T and took on the E, conflict left, blood pressure is normal without meds. That conflict is a killer.

I am heartened by the visits I have had with younger TS who do not experience as much angst and a lot more acceptence, so there is decreasing numbers of suicides, but it is still too many. Being accepted for who you are is the key to continued life, no matter what your age.

It is too bad that we have in our society such a narrow view of gender. Thank you very much Old Testament and the Garden of Eden. Neat creation myth suitable for superstitious primitives, but lousy biology. There are more wonders and diversity beneath heavens and upon earth than is even hinted at by all the words of the Christian Bible and many other of the creation myths of other societies.

Carolynn

Ralitsa · Post by **Ralitsa** » Sun Jan 02, 2011 11:19 pm

I can't really say that I dress as I do to relieve stress, as much as that I feel happier. Any stress in my life is usually caused by external factors (ex-wife, divorce attorney, etc.) and I deal with that easily by reminding myself that all they want is money and I am holding the checkbook.
But I will say that I am much more relaxed, comfortable, and happy when wearing clothes that I like. So the argument can be made that it reduces stress in an indirect way, but that is not my motivation even if it is a secondary benefit.

Absaroka · Post by **Absaroka** » Mon Jan 03, 2011 7:26 am

When I am feeling stressed I lose the desire to dress. As if I can't deal with yet one more thing, let me go back to the invisible male clothes. However when I feel good to begin with I find that dressing makes me feel somewhat more peaceful.

Martina · Post by **Martina** » Mon Jan 03, 2011 8:21 am

Very regularly in the evenings I find myself feeling unrelaxed. I know that simply getting ready for bed early by changing into a nighty and frilly panties will relax me and it always works. I also sleep much better in frillies than in drab. But on the other hand if I am dressed as I am right now in a skirt and top while going about my chores in the house during the day, I am very nervous that a neighbour or friend may call to the back door unexpectedly and as a result of that I am sure my blood pressure must be raised. I would love to go out right now into my beautiful garden and walk carelessly around in my girly short skirt and feel the air around my legs and not care if some passerby sees my pretty knickers as I bend over to look at something

and the fact that I can't do that causes me stress. When I wear panties to work I feel more relaxed until I have to get into some situation where there is a risk that a collegue may get to see a glimpse of pink lace down the back of my jeans or notice a feminine panty line. So altogeather to quote Homer Simpson (replace the word "crossressing" with "beer") crossdressing is both the cause of and solution to my stress issues.

Anthony Simon · Post by **Anthony Simon** » Mon Jan 03, 2011 3:47 pm

So...

"I'm stressing so I'm dressing..
But that's transgressing (Or so the world says),
Which I find stressing...
It's so depressing,
I'd better do some more dressing...

Well it's better than repressing
The better part of me
Or regressing, or even worse digressing...

But it's quite distressing when I get down to undressing."

Tara M · Post by **Tara M** » Mon Jan 03, 2011 5:20 pm

There are a number of phases you go through:

1. The anticipation, "I can't wait to dress!" you can even get aroused when you think about what you're going to be wearing.

2. Preparation: You lay out the clothes on the bed then go and have your shower. You can get aroused whilst showering.

3. Dressing and making up: Less likely to be aroused but a different kind of buzz.

4. The admiration: Admiring yourself in the mirror.

5. "Normalising": Doing a run of the mill task whilst en femm. It could be just watching the telly, housework, going to post a letter, going for a drive etc.

6. Undressing: Taking it all off. Often with some fetishists this is done very quickly. Self despising!

7. The tranny crash: The depression that sets in hours afterwards. It is a mix of guilt and a longing to do it again.