Does your dressing vary with stress?

[Joan]

I am not aware that the frequency of my crossdressing increases with stress, but I do feel liberated and stress free when crossdressed.

If my wife wanted me to do house work in drabs I might refuse, be sullen, or very negative about it. iHowever if crossdressed I will happily do the ironing or clean the kitchen, etc. for her.

Joan

[Andrea Elise]

I have never considered that wearing women's clothing was stress relief. I am much more comfortable dressed. Perhaps that is why I feel so much comfort?

I feel much more relaxed, yet energized. I feel complete. I get so much more done and take much better care of myself.

I can say that switching to drab clothing causes me stress. I don't want to and I have been late to work because of that.

I don't see any relation to more dressing in comparison to stress level in my life.

Andrea

[Gillian]

When I am stressed, I tend to dress up more often. I have sort of thought of it as an escape from the cares of the life tht is stressing me out. As I am a regular lingerie wearer, I consider more than a cami and panties dressing up. I figure that if it helps me to relax, it is better than going out and shooting something. Ha Ha If it is something that reduces stress then what is the big deal. Some people drink, or do drugs, I get dressed up.

[Anthony Simon]

I had a variant of this today.Yesterday some people up the road did something that really upset me - and I could feel I was unable to cope with it. So today I dressed up for the first time in a month. I knew it was coming because I was just kind of deluged with CDing feelings (which, in themselves, helped to block out the initial problem so that I didn't go round and round in my head to no effect).

In the clothes I sort of go somewhere else - become this other person in a strange and real way - so that, when I get out of them, it's like I've been on holiday. And when I got out of them this time the thing from yesterday was clear. This has happened to me quite regularly - finding stuff coming out as a result of dressing up - but this was such a wonderfully clear example of it. And I was in genuine trouble with the thing and hoped the dressing up would help me.

FWIW I think I have a holding part of me that I generally use with other people. Like I did it today with a woman I like who lives up the street. She seemed to be carrying around this weight and I just instinctively engaged her in conversation - not anything particularly meaningful, just conversation. I don't know, somehow I felt I couldn't leave her like that. And at the end of the (short) conversation she told me she had worked out some problem while we were talking - and sort of because we were talking. So that's what I mean by the holding part of me.

I think what happens (sometimes) with the dressing up is - in becoming this woman I somehow give myself up to her. Like I let go of myself into her. This time it seemed more intense than before. But if you say that the holding role is a characteristically womanly one - then that probably explains how come I came out of it with a solution to my problem. It's kind of like I have a conversation between the two parts of myself in the dressing up - and the woman part of me holds the male part of me while that male part solves its problem.

[Paula G]

I think a lot of what Anthony says is true for me as well, and I do find that both the urge to dress, and the satisfaction that comes from it is more intense when I am stressed. Since I seem to be stressed most f the time and don't have that many opportunities that adds tothe stress which adds to the urge to dress and.... you get the idea.

i am having a few inforced days off waiting for my van to be fixed so I am highly stressed, but dealing with it with the new M & S pink dress suit I just bought

[Anita]

Hi Anthony—
I tend to identify with the male part of myself under stress, because that’s who protects me. It’s not safe for my girlself to come out during periods of high stress. Also, it takes a certain amount of energy for me to want to get dressed. Stress tends to take away my energy reserves; they’re either not available to me, or they’re committed to dealing with problems.

I find your description of ‘holding’ to be intriguing. Whatever the process is, it works for you, and you can rely on it to some extent.

[Anthony Simon]

Hi Anthony—
I tend to identify with the male part of myself under stress, because that’s who protects me. It’s not safe for my girlself to come out during periods of high stress.

Yeah, Anita...There's a difference in that when I dress up I don't go out. I mean your dressing is, as I understand it, a very public thing. But mine's private. I'm kind of communing with a female part of me, rather than the female part of me communing with the world.

So then my female side only has to deal with the stuff my male part has got from dealing with the world. She doesn't have to deal with it directly (Or that's my theory). The thing is if stuff comes up which demands an immediate reaction - like a direct threat - I kind of know what to do as a man (sometimes anyway). It's the kind of relentless, grinding stuff, or the underhand, insinuating stuff - the sort of thing that is very difficult to react to in a straightforward way - that I find very difficult to deal with as a man.

It's then that getting dressed up can help (like it did on this occasion). I have said before that I think the woman I become when I dress up knows more than me - and somehow I often come out of her (as it were) with a perspective I never had when I went in.

Also, it takes a certain amount of energy for me to want to get dressed. Stress tends to take away my energy reserves; they’re either not available to me, or they’re committed to dealing with problems.

I agree with you about the energy it takes to get dressed up - and there's also the time. But there's a specific problem with a sort of stress that I get - where (from experience) the not solving a problem makes me more and more tired. It can also cause me physical problems which can be really debilitating. And that can go on and on. In those sorts of situations, I really need to break the cycle. Like the worrying is just wearing me out (to me what Paula says sounds a bit like that).

In that circumstance the "different space" that turning into a woman provides me is a godsend. If nothing else, it gives me a rest - both mentally and physically. It doesn't always work - sometimes the stress doesn't feel like it is going to be affected and then I leave it. Those are the sort of situations you describe - where I need to think about my problems rather than let go of them. But there are other occasions when letting go of my problems is just exactly what I require. And it turned out that this time was one of them.

I find your description of ‘holding’ to be intriguing. Whatever the process is, it works for you, and you can rely on it to some extent.

Well, judging by some of your posts here I think you're quite a "holding" person - and I guess that's the sort of thing you do away from here as well. It's that your female persona holds others (so far as I can tell). Here I'm holding myself rather than others.

Which, probably, comes out of my life experience - like being forced back on my own resources. Just my family and social situation etc.

[Anita]

Yeah, Anita...There's a difference in that when I dress up I don't go out. I mean your dressing is, as I understand it, a very public thing.

I realized after I posted it that the original question is an apple, and my answer is an orange. Few of us would want to go out in really stressful times. You're talking more about a private coping mechanism. In answer to that, I'd say no, I don't get any stress relief from dressing.

[April Rose]

My desire to dress used to increase when I was under stress, but nowadays I dress pretty much every day, after work,unless I have something to do out in the world, and every weekend, so it is hard to judge. Nowadays, my principle source of stress is my job. I have a few years to go before full retirement, and I just hope I make it before I have a heart attack or stroke out. My company is doing great , but they know they can whip the flesh off of their employees, especially the older ones, because there's nowhere else to go. Lately, I have become somewhat obsessed with diet and Physical fitness. It's rather out of character for me, but i guess it's my way of saying I'm not going down without a fight.

That said, if a coworker wants to play golf after work ,I will do it, but otherwise I can't wait to get home, put an apron on over my skirt, and make dinner, clean my house ,or work on my embroidery.

[Ralitsa]

Hi Anthony,
I find it interesting that you are better able to solve certain problems when dressed. I wonder if it is because then you also think like a woman, to some extent. It sounds like you are saying that you do.
I've noticed myself that I think and say things that are more typical of a woman now than I normally did before. I used to specifically direct my thoughts and attitudes in a specific "manly" way, in effect telling myself that "guys don't think and care about that stupid girl stuff." Maybe it was overcompensation, not allowing myself to care about it out of fear that everyone would find out that I'm a sissy.
But if I'm wearing womens clothes then obviously it is ok to think about girl stuff and act girly. It's like some of the others said, that if they are wearing a skirt then they don't mind doing house work or other "skirt work." Consequently I spend a lot more time talking with women than I ever did before. My impression about that is women would like to tell their troubles to a man because in general men think more linearly which is better for isolating and analyzing problems. But women are not usually comfortable talking to men about most things because men generally don't care about it and don't put much effort into the conversation.
So my interpretation is that when we dress as a woman we also give ourselves permission to think and act like a woman, and to care about things that women care about. And perhaps that enables one to see and understand things we normally would not.

[Anthony Simon]

Hi Anthony,
I find it interesting that you are better able to solve certain problems when dressed. I wonder if it is because then you also think like a woman, to some extent. It sounds like you are saying that you do.

I think it's definitely true to some extent, but I'm not entirely clear about it yet. I know that when I dress up I suddenly sort of start moving and holding myself - and also my face gets (much) more feminine. It's like I have an image of a woman and I start to mould myself into that. But the really interesting stuff comes when I try to think out of that persona about problems I have - and that can produce quite different perceptions than the ones I normally have.

That's a quite conscious attempt I make to solve problems - and to be perfectly honest it doesn't work that much. What is strange is that when I just let myself "go" into the woman - Like stay there for a period. Then quite often I'm suddenly going to find that the solution to some problem pops into my mind and quick as a shot, I want to get out of the clothes. The other variant is the one that happened this time (and has only happened once) which was I had to get out of the clothes and then the insight appeared to me.

There is one specific thing that happens when I dress up - it helps me to avoid the anger I often get left with after my interactions with men in my daily life. I kind of feel I'm getting pulled into the characteristic "guy" reaction of wanting to fight, when the "girl" reaction is 'this is all guy stuff, who cares'. And by going into the woman part of me - kind of giving myself license to "be a woman" and not to be provoked - I come out of it with a lot less stress in my life.

I've noticed myself that I think and say things that are more typical of a woman now than I normally did before. I used to specifically direct my thoughts and attitudes in a specific "manly" way, in effect telling myself that "guys don't think and care about that stupid girl stuff." Maybe it was overcompensation, not allowing myself to care about it out of fear that everyone would find out that I'm a sissy.

I'm sure that was one of my problems, the business about "being a man"/not being a sissy. I think, because the desire to dress up got so intense and I did it and nothing very bad happened to me after I went back to being a man - like I could still function as a man - then those worries kind of evaporated. It's OK to feel like a woman as long as it doesn't mess up the rest of my life, basically.

So after that I've just been happy with whatever I've found there (well, that's not entirely true. I still feel I could "go too far" with it. Like too much of a good thing..) - and it definitely has given me license to act like a woman in the rest of my life. I think I'm a man with a lot of woman in me, so it's quite natural for a lot of that to come out in "real life" situations. Basically acting in kind of emotional ways that are characteristic of women - like the "holding" stuff above. I really get quite a buzz out of it sometimes when I can see women are responding to me as though I'm a woman sometimes - and I'm sure this has come about to a large extent because I've been able to accept the female side of myself through the crossdressing.

But if I'm wearing womens clothes then obviously it is ok to think about girl stuff and act girly. It's like some of the others said, that if they are wearing a skirt then they don't mind doing house work or other "skirt work." Consequently I spend a lot more time talking with women than I ever did before. My impression about that is women would like to tell their troubles to a man because in general men think more linearly which is better for isolating and analyzing problems. But women are not usually comfortable talking to men about most things because men generally don't care about it and don't put much effort into the conversation.

I think women sometimes do get a lot out of talking to a man.I think they find something reassuring in it. Like somehow an emotionally alternative point of view (not one they would get from another woman) helps root and ground them. I think I agree with what you're saying about them wanting conversation from men and not getting it. Quite often I find that all a woman wants from me is really a quick, kind of decisive analysis of the situation - which in a certain sense is just the stereotypical male response of not saying very much.

But then it's complicated by the way that I also think like a woman...

So my interpretation is that when we dress as a woman we also give ourselves permission to think and act like a woman, and to care about things that women care about. And perhaps that enables one to see and understand things we normally would not.

Yup, I think you're right on.
.

[April Rose]

So my interpretation is that when we dress as a woman we also give ourselves permission to think and act like a woman, and to care about things that women care about. And perhaps that enables one to see and understand things we normally would not.

That pretty much sums up where I seem to be at right now.

One thing that always comes to mind when a discussion of stress, or comfort comes up in relation to cross dressing is the Idea that one is simultaneously more relaxed or safe or comfortable, and yet more alert, or excited or stimulated at the same time. I see this implied in these discussions time after time. This seems to me to be related to what Freud and Jung called the "Libido" or what Eastern martial artists called "Chi" or "Ki" energy. Other people dedicate their lives to achieving it. I think this is what our former member, Virginia meant when she called cross dressing a "Gift". Our problem is not our cross dressing. Our problem is our isolation.

[Anthony Simon]

One thing that always comes to mind when a discussion of stress, or comfort comes up in relation to cross dressing is the Idea that one is simultaneously more relaxed or safe or comfortable, and yet more alert, or excited or stimulated at the same time. I see this implied in these discussions time after time. This seems to me to be related to what Freud and Jung called the "Libido" or what Eastern martial artists called "Chi" or "Ki" energy. Other people dedicate their lives to achieving it. I think this is what our former member, Virginia meant when she called cross dressing a "Gift".

I think that's a really interesting idea April.

Our problem is not our cross dressing. Our problem is our isolation.

If I'm not mistaken, there are cultures where CDing men have a special role where they are construed as "wise" (or equivalent - like in touch with deep spiritual forces) as a result of their CD identity. This seems to fit with the idea you have above. But, in our culture CDing=weird, which leads to our isolation. I mean, in the UK, there have been examples of drag queens - e.g. Danny La Rue and Lily Savage - who have become much loved family entertainers. Like somehow their "man and woman" status has allowed everyone to feel included by them.

But there's also the element of the CDing that is a withdrawal from the world - like the safe place you're talking about above. With me that is a distinct plus. But the minus is the tendency to stay there, which if taken to extremes is going to end up isolating me.

If I find, in that place, wonderful energy and potential - then I have to find a way of using it. That is my specific problem. Like not getting wound up by all the external pressures and dissipating it, but finding some valid way back into society with it (or the results of it).

[Absaroka]

I identified very strongly with Anita's reply. I don't like to dress when I'm stressed. I hadn't thought about it being my male side being my protector, but it makes sense, even though I don't go out when dressed. More importantly, dressing, even in the privacy of my own home, requires a certain amount of energy. So I do it when I feel good, as a release of energy.

Zari