The girl within, or fetish

[Gillian]

So after reading some of the last few posts, I have a question. Was your start into crossdressing wanting to get the girl within set free, or was it more of a sexual fetish thing?

[Ralitsa]

I would say that when I started it was a fetish, an attempt to become, or to get close to, or in some way to possess the feminine beauty for which I lusted. I was never one for "picking up chics" so I guess I substituted dressing for that.
Now there is less of that, maybe I've become disillusioned with most women and have given up on them, or maybe I have some expectations that are unrealistic, or maybe I'm just too lazy to put the required effort to make a relationship work.
So now I prefer to be like a woman, and to enjoy their company on a platonic level rather than deal with all the tension and stress of being the man. I don't know that I would describe it as letting the inner woman free, so much as evolving into a more feminine person.

[DonnaT]

"something else"

I don't know the reason I started, other than some little inner voice telling me to try on the outfit I found in a box in the basement one day.

[Andrea Elise]

"Something else", at the age of four, I had no concept of sex, I only knew that I must wear that dress!

Andrea

[Davita]

Oh that just sounded bad.... "It started as number 2 but turned into number 1." Now, I got potty mouth...

I was told over a decade ago that my 2 changing to 1 was inevitable. I was skeptical, but proven wrong. I'm sorta kinda glad I was wrong...

[Hope]

1 or 2? Lord...I wish I knew! Neither I think. I simply remember always (from as far back as I can remember anyway) having a desire to wear feminine clothing. No idea where it came from.....but you can rest assured I would love to know.....

[Erica S]

I will resound what I have read, as it it true, I heard a voice, or had a feeling that I needed to try on feminine things. I think it was because it was not mine and I needed to see for myself how these things felt on my body, and why where they not for me, I will never know. I am glad that I did try on feminine clothing and more glad I have accepted that this is the path I am now traveling on. I do wish to set Erica free. It feels right.

Hugs,

Erica

[Gillian]

I guess what caused me to ask this question had a lot to do with the changes in my own life. Things started off very much as a fetish thing. It was about 15 years ago that the desire to dress without sex started. That was about the time I needed to come out to my SO. Which by the way was a very good thing. I have found that through extended times of dressing, particuarly lingerie, I would have lesser interest in the orgins of why I did it. If I would go for periods of not dressing, then the fetish side would start to reappear. To reduce the hassle of the fetish side, I have stopped beating up on myself, and just underdressed 24/7. I have been more accepting of myself and my mood swings have lessened "alot". I still like to put on a skirt etc, occasionally, but not as often as I once did. This has been very easy to do with a very understanding SO. Is there a girl within? I don't know, but there is what we would call a feminine side, and that is now alright with me. After all, is any male 100% masculine, or any female 100% feminine? I think the 100% thought came from some homophobic individual trying to deal with mixed feelings.

[Anthony Simon]

I know whenever this "fetish vs inner woman" characterisation comes up I go "other". Not so much because there isn't a strong sexual element to what I do now, but because I feel the implicit narrative misses out on what is really important to me. Which is...?

I don't know, I feel there is a safe space within the dressing which I don't find in the rest of my life. I go there and the rest of the world just goes away.

I've got a lot of rage inside me, and also a lot of bitterness from the way women in my family have treated me. The result is I'm kind of scared of what I would do in relationships.

[April Rose]

Something else. I started very young, but there was always a certain fascination and comfort involved, even when it was arousing.

[KimberlyS]

None of the above. I was about third grade the first time I CDed. I was a boy and did lots of boy things. But also enjoyed playing with the girls down the street and playing house. It was not a fetish in anyway as I was a late bloomer.

So from the start I was a boy with a mix of masculine and feminine traits.

kimberlys cd
joe in a skirt

[Kyra]

Since I started dressing before puberty, I surmise my dressing was an inner feminine expression, but I won't deny that in my teens there was a definite fetish quality. (Well, during those years, everything revolved around sex for me.) I've grown past that, however. For many years now, it more just trying to be me.

[Azurielle]

Started out as more of a statement for Anthropology class, but now its turned into a sort of half-hobby half-stress-dump.

Theres just something so soothing about fluffy, flowing clothes...

[Absaroka]

It started at age 8 and the primary component of it was an incredibly strong sexual feeling which I was utterly unprepared to deal with in any way except following it.

Also it probably had to do with simple affection towards the person who's clothes I was wearing, my mother.

The sexual aspect remained the dominant part of the feeling for a long time, although I have always been fascinated by the idea of being between worlds. The idea of being both female and male and thus being able to have two different personas and an understanding of both (women seemed mysterious to me) was appealling. Similarly the folks who can cross racial lines, present as both black and white, has always fascinated me. I guess I've always wanted to know what I percieved as other people's secrets.

In my 50's suddenly the urge to dress became much stronger, and the sexual aspect of it waned. I'd say this is most likely akin to folks who say that as they age sex becomes less important but physical affection remains important. Now it's like I've become my own imaginary friend as opposed to my own imaginary sex partner. The period in my 50's was a time of emotional upheaval and isolation as well, which probably explains why then as opposed to other times with similar opportunities.

The girls within? No. The strange man within? That sounds right. Or perhaps the young boy within, after all most of us start as children.

[Paula G]

"most of us"?