The positive side of an un-accepting mate.

Loretta Ann · Post by **Loretta Ann** » Sat Mar 13, 2004 7:07 am

Although it was not what I chose to take place my marriage ended 22 years ago because my wife could not accept my cross-dressing. Though it was not easy to go through at the time, I have for some time now viewed it as the best thing that ever happened to me.
The point I want to make is for those who (like I did) were afraid to disclose my cross-dressing to her until some time after we were married because I did not want to lose her, now makes no sense to me at all.
The reasons being That a life time partner who can not accept one as they are is not a healthy prospect for a cross-dresser, as such it is not something one should aspire to achieve after the fact, because if she is the kind of person who cannot accept it you are wasting your time and asking for trouble.
Having said that in all honesty I was also not a healthy prospect for a marriage partner. because my actions were nothing more than an attempt to control and manipulate her. (I know that I hoped that marriage would end my need to cross-dress.) But in reality what I was saying to her was that I do not believe that you are capable of accepting my cross-dressing, but I am going to show you what a nice person I am there-by giving you something that you will value which will make you want to accept me. And by the way my ace in the hole is that by getting married first will put you in a position that will make it more difficult for you to not to accept. Oh the lessons learned via hind sight. may this help someone who is where I once was.
Any one else out there who views it as one of the best things that ever happened to them? I would like to hear from you.

Beauty · Post by **Beauty** » Sat Mar 13, 2004 7:43 am

Hi Darlene!

Wow!

What a great post!!

I'm not someone who had a relationship end because of CDing. I wanted to thank you for starting this thread and give you kudos for sharing the growth you've had as a former partner of someone who couldn't accept the CD'ing, as well as illustrating, for you, what it meant when you married her but didn't tell her. I agree it is manipulation.

For those who have children now it must be a lot harder to deal with telling now. I'm not judging anyone who doesn't tell their SO, but I do applaud those who do. It's not easy either way, it's just one way leads to freedom the other leads to repression of self and guilt.

I can't shut up!!!

Sorry for the intrusion Darlene. Great post!!!

Beauty

Virginia · Post by **Virginia** » Sat Mar 13, 2004 3:37 pm

I know that there are some of our sisters out here that know a lot more about this than I, but I do know that we know (psychologist, etc.) a lot more about why's and wherefores of us now than they did five years ago. I think that it has been proven that we are ( and I will use my own medical interpretation) we are "wired BETTER" than those who do not CD. It appears in general that we have a much better understanding of our GG'S than shall we say, Unwired or miswired brethern out there. It is up to us to take advantage of this gift and it should reward us and our SO's. The unfortunate thing is that some SO just can not handle ( the other woman) in their lives and that is unfortunate. There are those SO who are "on the fence" so to speak and that behoves us to really learn as much as we can aobut where they are "coming from" and diplomatically introduce them to our other "good side!" This forum is an excellent place to learn. Love ya all, Debbie

Loretta Ann · Post by **Loretta Ann** » Sat Mar 13, 2004 4:45 pm

There are those SO who are "on the fence" so to speak and that behooves us to really learn as much as we can about where they are "coming from" and diplomatically introduce them to our other "good side!

You make a valid point there. But do we have to marry them before we can do that? Or is it alright to say to them (by our actions) I do not believe you are intelligent enough to see that before I propose to you.

Loretta Ann · Post by **Loretta Ann** » Sun Mar 14, 2004 4:05 pm

Sorry for the intrusion Darlene.

If you call that intrusion Beauty. Just keep on keeping on. I appreciate the support, you are very kind. Thanks!

Bernice · Post by **Bernice** » Fri Mar 19, 2004 12:35 am

From my "My Beginnings" draft, which is still under revision to comply iwth forum standards:

"Jeannie, as it turned out, was very aggressive. I think now that she must have had serious psychological issues. Still, in spite of my parents vehement and well-placed objections, and at the cost of injuring Janet (see footnote 1), Jeannie and I married before the end of Spring semester. Jeannie accepted and encouraged my crossdressing, or so it seemed. One Friday night that summer of ‘73, she loaned me a wig, made up my face, and we went cruising on the Avenue. I had to use very evasive driving to evade a couple of fellows who seemed a little too interested in us! But this bliss was short-lived. Jeannie had a sexual affair with my co-worker, and suddenly I was unable to please her. The crossdressing was mentioned, and I sought therapy from the college psychologist.

(snip, because the psychologist visit was not really related to the marriage)

"Anyway, the marriage to Jeannie was over in short order, and according to her, the issue of crossdressing made for convenient grounds for the annulment. Lucky for me, though I didn’t feel that way at the time. "

So, in short, Yes, absolutely. Been there. Done that. Got the T-shirt.

Hugs,

Bernice

Beauty · Post by **Beauty** » Fri Mar 19, 2004 8:58 am

OMG Bernice!!

I forgot!!! I'll take care of that today.

Beauty

Crossdressers-Haven.com

The positive side of an un-accepting mate.

The positive side of an un-accepting mate.

end or beginning??!!