blending

[Janet Bern]

Dear GG
I am 6'2 and dress to go out shopping, lunch etc on weekdays.
When I am in Malls and stores I seem to blend. No one really looks at me
or turns their heads. I dress my age and usually wear slacks or a long below the knee skirt.
My question is "Do people see me as a tall woman which I think they do. or
do they ignore a guy in a dress". I am addressed ad Maam and use the ladies room without any problem at all.
Let me know please
Janet

[Susan]

Janet I am 5' 10" and so far have had no problem mingling. I heard a lady last summer saying to her husband "That blonde lady is tall" but apart from that, all is sweet. You are obviously doing some thing right.

[Anthony Simon]

For me it depends a lot on the face. Because I'm a crossdresser (or transvestite as it would be know in this country) I do tend to be sensitized to the possibility of other crossdressers. Like I'm looking to see if this or that person is one. I remember coming across a very tall person(6ft 4) dressed as a woman. The height made me look - and then I thought this person is wearing a wig. I was smiling at her (because I like to see a fellow CD) and she was smiling back. But it was a woman's smile - and really from the look of her you couldn't tell it wasn't a woman, because it was a woman's face.

Personally I think it was probably was a CD (instinct) - but also that other people would (without my sensitization) have accepted the person as a woman simply because there was a coherence and a naturalness to the person's appearance. Which came out particularly in the face.

[Ralitsa]

I'm going to vote for the "not paying close attention" option. In my whole life, I've never noticed a CD, except for those unusual situations where they deliberately draw attention (mardi gras, renisannce fairs, etc).
Since it's a little unlikely that I have, in all my wanderings, never crossed paths with someone else who is a CD, the obvious conclusion is that I just plain didn't "see" them. In fact, one more than one occasion I have had guys (dressed as guys) tell me that they were secret CDers and we talked about that.
So there is probably some very small percentage that notices, but otherwise you are probably doing a good enough job that nobody else notices. If you just fulfill all the expectations then almost nobody looks beyond that.

[DonnaT]

Dear GG

My question is "Do people see me as a tall woman which I think they do. or
do they ignore a guy in a dress".

How would the ladies here know how others see you if they've never seen you?

[Davita]

My Godiva Chocolate sales lady that I manage to see once a month is taller than me. She's 6' and I forget how many inches in her flats. And like me, she enjoys her heels. My world includes a fair number of tall women of various sizes. They don't tend to wear the tallest of heels, but they will wear any shoe they like and can. If I can't blend in with them, I'm doomed.

One of the easiest ways for me to not worry about height (like I ever have) is simply be out with my boy bud, he's as tall as I am even when I'm in my heels. Being a tall woman i would think will attract looks simply because men like amazons. Women are looking to see if your clothes fit. Well that's what I'm thinking because this woman will be looking to see if you found the right lengths.

[Dolores(GG)]

I see tall women all the time, and think nothing of it. Really, that's not usually what will give a CD away. I have spotted a few over time, but I do have to admit that I too am sensitized to it. Even the ones that usually pass I have an eye for. I really think most people don't even pay attention, we go through the day just wildly catching mere glimpses of people.

IMO, what makes a CD more noticeably in the street is usually a very thick build or alot of make-up. Really, an unnatural skin color is what usually attracts my attention first, and then you notice the wig. Less is probably more in terms of make-up to create a natural look and I suppose a good quality wig will hide the "seam" at the hairline, or some hair, like bangs or swept over do, to hide it.

Women come in all shapes and sizes, I think passing is really about the details.

[Paula G]

Thanks Dolores, more comments from the GGs on this would be appreciated, I suspect they would be less biased.

I suspect that the CD will be "better" dressed than the GG in day to day envirionments and situations. In the suburban high street it is quite unusual to see someone in a dress or skirt, that in itself may attract attention. How many ladies now wear full makeup during the day for no particular reason? Then there is the whole question of appropriatness - not to gender - but to age, and activity, how many 52 year old ladies will wear 4 inch heels and a leather mini skirt to go shopping at the supermarket? I suspect that to pass means to blend which means to follow the "norm". I now try to dress smartly (all the time, Paul or Paula) but when CD to fit in with what others are wearing. I would be much more flambouant given a chance, but to follow my inclinations would be to attract more attention than would be comfortable in most situations.

[Carol Ann]

Paula,
It is still possible to dress up very nice and wear heels, I prefer to go out as Carol on a Sunday mid day when churches are letting out.
Most all GG love to dress up to go to church take in a quick bit to eat and maybe hit Wal-Mart to pickup a few odds and ends.

Honey I blend right in and only once got a funny look from a check out person.

[Paula G]

When I visit Cardiff I have noticed that people dress better to do thier shopping, in the London suburbs the norm is very casual, usualy jeans and comfortable tops, it is so rare to see a lady properly dressed that that in itself will atract attention. Likewise in central London a high proportion of people will have thought about what they are wearing from the point of view of how they look, in the suburbs it is much more a question of personal comfort (not to say lazyness, but that's another whole topic).

I have nothing against the 4 inch heels and leather miniskirt, I like to wear them and enjoy seeing others wearing them, (although they may not enjoy seeing me) but, as the saying goes, "there is a time and a place" and Tesco's just isn't the place.

My point is that to dress for Oxford street and then go shopping in Purley is to beg for attention. To blend in we should dress appropriately for our age, and our activity Certainly there are times and activities when there is the opportunity to dress nicely and I say grab them, but be selective.

[Anthony Simon]

This memory came back to me today...

I was in Florence years ago [aged 18]. One night me and some acquaintances (Or friends for the duration) were wandering about and this very tall woman appeared in the street ahead of us. Nice legs, but when I moved past her I was taken aback. "What a face", I thought. Later on we came across a group of such women dancing about in front of a building and the penny dropped. Yes, of course, they were CDers.

But the thing was, despite having such urges myself, it never actually occured to me that the person I saw was a man dressed as a woman - not until we saw a group of them (and then the insight didn't even come from me). This is because people as a whole aren't set up to see Cders in the outside world. They're set up to see men or women. So like the brain processes the person they see along those default lines. Because that's the way the brain works, trying to fit what it sees into expected patterns.

So, if I saw that person now, I probably wouldn't think "What a face", I 'd think "That's a Cder who hasn't got it right". But being as how I wasn't sensitized at that point (like the vast majority of people aren't) I just thought it was a woman (albeit not such a great looking one - understatement).

[SaraSnow]

It's funny if I would answer the question, "Have you ever noticed another CD in Public?" prior to a month ago, I would of said no. I've been going out dressed in public more lately and maybe now I have a trained eye, so about a month ago I was in a check out lane at Target with my 5 year-oldand noticed a CD checking out a couple people ahead of me. The poor thing was so nervous I thought she was going to cry. She was tall but very pretty. If it wasn't for her nervousness I would of never noticed. If I didn't have my son with me I would of dropped everything and tried to talk to her.

[Janet Bern]

Thanks for all the comments. I guess that even though I am tall I am not really noticed as anything but a tall woman.
In order to blend I sometimes wear pants or long skirt and usually flats.
My makeup foundation was purchased at a cosmetic counter and matches my skin complection. thanks again girls
Janet

[Paula G]

Hieght will get noticed, but not in a gender specific way. There have ben occasion when I have notcied CDs but it has been when the presentation, has been poor, the clothing and makeup inappropriate. If you dress how other women dress, and act with teh same level of confidence, not nervous of being "found out", or with an agressive masculine level of confidence then you will be accepted. If you are comfortable, in a situation, and confident of yourself within that situation then your will accepted as you present.

[Absaroka]

After coming to this site for several years I've started a game of trying to pay attention to this idea when out in public and looking at people.

There have been several time when I wondered after a minute what gender a person was. Usually they were in gender neutral clothing.

Looking at pictures a very common tell is hands and forearms. You need to be sort of up close to see this.

Zari