Conflicted

Martina · Post by **Martina** » Thu Jun 23, 2011 6:10 am

I haven’t been dressing for well over a month because I held a big party at my house and I was going to have people staying over and sleeping in every nook & cranny including my bedroom. In preparation I gathered up all my femme gear and put it safely away in the most inaccessible part of the attic so that it could not be accidentally found bar the roof blowing off. I must say I felt a bit “pervy” while I filled a bin liner full of frilly knickers and searched through my presses and drawers for other femme things that I had forgotten about in places I had forgotten about. Because of this I have had to buy mens under pants which is something I have not done in many years and was not very comfortable with. As a result of the party (which was a great success) I got to know a GG who has been taking great interest in me and although I like her a lot I really don’t think we can go very far in a relationship because of the “baggage” she is carrying from her previous life. This baggage has also quelled somewhat my sexual response to her and I would be quite content with a platonic relationship. But it is because of her that I have been reluctant to retrieve Martina’s clothes from the depths of the attic. Even though I have no obligation to her on any level at all I feel that I will be letting her and especially me down by dressing up particularly if it results in “relief” which I think it most probably would do because of the time lapsed since I enjoyed the sensation of dressing. I feel if I dress up I will be going backwards finding comfort in frills and satin instead of pursuing intimate human contact and that this might cause me to become depressed. So I feel I’m in a bit of a conflicted state as far a crossdressing is concerned at the moment.

Paula G · Post by **Paula G** » Thu Jun 23, 2011 6:22 am

Only the two of you can know where this relationship is going, and how important it is going to be to the both of you. Personally I was so frightened of scaring off the lady who is now my wife that I didn't tell her, so when she did find out it was a shock, and has been the sole issue of contention in our relationship. I don't know that of had told her before we got married if she would have been scared off, but I do know that I would not have felt then need to lie to her.

From my experience I would say that this thing of ours is not something that can easily be put on and off, it's not something we do it's something we are. You will need to be Martina again, ask yourself how she will feel when she finds out and you haven't told her. If this does turn out to be a platonic relationship, then off course she may be just teh friend that Martina needs

However as Captain Jack Sparrow would say, "Wait for the opportune moment" don't rush in

Post by **DonnaT** » Thu Jun 23, 2011 7:49 am

If her baggage has also quelled your sexual response to her and you are quite content with a platonic relationship, I don't really see a conflict here.

However, if you feel dressing up may result in not looking for intimate contact with someone else, then I reckon you gotta try what you think is best for you.

Hopefully you won't need to return to dressing, but the odds are against you. Not many can quit for good. Maybe you'll be one of the lucky few.

If you find yourself in an intimate relationship, then at some point before things get really serious you should discuss your (past) CDing with whomever you become involved with.

Just don't let your not dressing lead you into a depressed state. Do whatever it takes to be happy.

Anne Bonny · Post by **Anne Bonny** » Thu Jun 23, 2011 10:15 pm

If this moves to a serious stage, you'd best tell her before things go to far. We always believe we can put our other half away and wall it all off - but it is the other half of who you are and sooner or later it will come back. As far as the baggage - it could become the reason for a separation later on, think long and hard - try to be objective and tell the heart to step outside so that you can be rational. If the objective and rational answer says run as fast as you can, you had better run and not look back. Step back and be a friend but keep it that way. If you decide this lady is the one, you had best not keep crossdressing a secret from her if you love her.

Anthony Simon · Post by **Anthony Simon** » Fri Jun 24, 2011 8:26 am

It sounds like she is "driving the car", like being the active one in the relationship - so you want to lay back and see where it goes. In that respect it seems perfectly sensible to put the CDing on hold. I mean you're just reserving all that (potential) energy for her - and, in a sense, respecting her.

You have also talked in the past about taking a break from the CDing just because you didn't feel like doing it. That's also something that could be coming into play here. I mean we all have male and female sides and while it's standard here to say that you should give your female side freedom, the male side also needs looking after. I know how it feels when you say about not wanting to let her down and in a certain respect it seems about not wanting to let yourself down either.

Given that she's being active and you're being passive, on some deep level, the CDing may not be so unwelcome to her. Or if it is, some womanish elements that play into it (i.e. including passivity) may be part of the reason she's showing an interest (and may be why you respond).

April Rose · Post by **April Rose** » Fri Jun 24, 2011 10:56 pm

Sorry, but I can't agree here. If what you are interested in is a platonic friendship, why not go for that? You don't owe her a sexual relationship at this stage, and not engaging in one does not preclude intimate human contact. I don't see why,if you've got baggage, and she's got baggage, you can't meet, like two travelers in the early dawn, and lighten each others load.
I may be projecting, but i think i see a lot of unnecessary guilt in your post, and I think you would be better served by just connecting with this friend, without disconnecting from yourself.

Davita · Post by **Davita** » Sat Jun 25, 2011 8:03 pm

I'm not sure what the problem of relief is all about. People do it all the time regardless if they are in a relationship or not. No one knows ourselves better. Sound familiar?

Now this perv feeling? Again, everyone has a little streak of wild and such in them. You have to be awfully prudish I think to not have any naughty thoughts. Your definition of perv is just another person's pleasure. We are just human. Just be you so you won't become distracted and uncomfortable with life. She's enjoying you as long as you're going to enjoy you.

It's early in the relationship; you have time to figure things out and how you want to handle it all. Relax for the minute and soak up the good vibes.