the Experiment

Ralitsa · Post by **Ralitsa** » Sat Aug 27, 2011 2:36 pm

I've been thinking of trying something for a while now, and thought I would propose it now.
I often wonder what people say about me after I leave a place, when I am dressed up. While I'm present people are usually (with a few rare exceptions) friendly, accomodating, and apparently accepting. But I rather suspect that 2 minutes after I'm out the door those same people are talking trash. I think this is likely a very common question that many of us have, especially those who go out regularily. I think it is also a very common concern that prevents many others from ever going out.

So what I'm thinking is this. Some of us could arrange an experiment, consisting of a sort of "accidental" sighting. So we would agree on a time and place, and one or two of you would be there first, in drab, possibly with a SO or some other person who's reaction you want to check. Then after a while I would come in, stay a while and leave. We wouldn't necesarliy meet or converse, I would only just make an appearance.
I really want to know what people's honest reaction and opinions are, and of course people are almost never honest to ones face. This is more of a curiosity I have, than anything else. I don't exactly care what people think of me, and will do as I like regardless, but I am curious anyway.

Is this something any of you have ever wondered about, or thought about?

Post by **DonnaT** » Sat Aug 27, 2011 3:58 pm

Not really, but I have left an event, changed to drab and returned. I found out that no one recognized me.

Davita · Post by **Davita** » Sat Aug 27, 2011 7:45 pm

If I want to know what my friends are thinking, I ask. If I wanted to know what strangers were thinking I'd ask a psychic. The instant you ask a person you have changed their state of mind. ooooooo quantum stuff.

The only thing that concerns me is, will any of them chase me down and kill me. Otherwise, they are accepting enough and anything after that is not so worrisome.

Carol Ann · Post by **Carol Ann** » Sun Aug 28, 2011 8:10 am

I agree with Davita, I know people have laugh as I was leaveing a store or business but only once has someone ask me to leave. When I'm gone I could care less what strangers think, now if my friends or family would disown me I would be deeply hurt.

Anita · Post by **Anita** » Sun Aug 28, 2011 11:22 am

Hi Ralitsa--

While I'm present people are usually (with a few rare exceptions) friendly, accomodating, and apparently accepting

It seems that the only realistic thing I can do is to accept the respect and friendliness as it is happening, while at the same time knowing that it can't be depended on. I look at the glass as half-full in this situation. I'm glad that I do have some kind of acceptance when I'm actually present. What happens afterward is not something I can influence in the short term.

I've had some extreme examples of this over the years, but I choose to look at them as exceptions, and not dwell on them. I'm not denying that they happen, but they don't get in the way of what I want from people when I'm out there and I'm interacting with them. Most of the time my experiences are positive.

As for your experiment, Ralista, I think that you would need to interact with the people whose reaction you want to check. Many people who have never encountered one of us in person will have a knee-jerk reaction to just seeing a CD. But if they actually talk to one of us, some of them come away with a much different conclusion.

They're often expecting us to be weird and strange. If they talk to us and we come across as competent people, then they have to adjust their thinking just a little.

Paula G · Post by **Paula G** » Mon Aug 29, 2011 4:15 am

Like you I have often wondered are they just being polite / commercially aware etc. Since most of those I interact with when dressed are there to serve, that is what they do, I wonder if the attentive service is based on friendliness, wanting to get rid of me quickly, curiosity, or hoping to get more of my money. Most of the time I tell myself that it simply doesn't matter, but it would be interesting to know.

So, Ralitsa when you are next in London maybe we could try something

Anne Bonny · Post by **Anne Bonny** » Mon Aug 29, 2011 7:44 am

This makes an interesting research study, I hope you find participants and do let us know of the results. We as a group should probably do more of this, I bet there are other interesting questions we could find interesting answers to. You probably need to go to 5-10 different locations, but it would really need several hundred locations in various sized cities and towns in different regions of the country to have any significance, but It might give some insight to your local environment.

Anthony Simon · Post by **Anthony Simon** » Mon Aug 29, 2011 8:22 am

I think Anita is right about getting them to see the person beyond the Crossdresser. Although I've never been out dressed, I've certainly had a couple of examples where people have seen me as "weird" (or whatever) because I'm buying women's stuff for me. Both times, by opening up and letting them see some of what went on inside my head, I've been able to win them over.

The other thing is that I think men differ from women. I think a lot of men are made uneasy by seeing someone who either wants to or wears women clothes. I think that's kind of irreducable and comes out in them seeing you as "weird" or whatever. I think that's because, on some level, they see you as a threat to their masculinity. Like there's an assumption in there somehow that "men are men" and don't do that - and you're mking them doubt this, very important, element of their self-construction.

Women, on the other hand, I think are kind of flattered by it (often). After all they're characteristically being told (often) that they're "only" women and hence lesser than men - and here's a man who's actually trying to be like them. Of course the dynamics change very much when you're "their" man...

Gillian · Post by **Gillian** » Tue Aug 30, 2011 12:34 pm

I know that I might be making a generalization, but for the most part, I think that women have an easier time with the whole crossdressing thing, than men do. This may not hold true to some SO's, but I have noticed that women are not as rigid as the men on many of the fringe issues.

If someone goes out into the community and gets noticed for being a CD, then there is nothing that they can do about it. Well, maybe they could do a better job on their make up,LOL. People will always talk, you don't necessarily have to give them anything to talk about. The anything to talk about could be your politics, or hair cut, but they will talk. The only way to change people is education, and information. Most people have a "Holywood" picture of the CD'er, and we all know how Holywood pictures us. People will talk and think what they want and you can do nothing about it. John Candy put it best in one of his movies,"think what you want, but don't think it here". To that the other character just gave him a weird look. You can do many things, one being say nothing, two, talk about them, and three, just give them a weird look. The weird look will only confuse them all of the more, and maybe that is just what they need, confusion that is!

Leeza · Post by **Leeza** » Wed Aug 31, 2011 1:59 pm

I was in a natural foods store yesterday conversing with the owner about CDing.

I had commented that although my wife knew before we were married that I was a CD she dosen't like it. She won't say anything to me, but will say something to the kids.

The owner wondered why there was a problem if she knew in advance. I told her there is a difference between being told and seeing it.

Leeza

Absaroka · Post by **Absaroka** » Sat Sep 03, 2011 10:09 am

Visiting places in two identities has been written about a number of times. The author of Black Like Me described doing it often and never ever being recognized. He also said it was a real crazy making experience that eventually he was unable to bring himself to do.

Norah Vincent in Self Made Man also described a similar experience along gender lines and found herself unable to cope with the results.

I guess the lesson learned might be not to do this too often or you may not like what you discover.

Zari