upcoming party

Absaroka · Post by **Absaroka** » Tue Sep 13, 2011 7:21 am

Every year my wife goes to a reunion of sorts of college friends. She usually goes alone but since the party is at our house this year I'm invited. Almost everyone except her at the party is a gay man. All are musicians. THe party will feature copious eating and drinking, which is an issue in and of itself for me what with me being clean, sober and abstinent. But that's another topic altogether.......

This year the weekend will be held at our house. I will make provisions to go elsewhere if I am uncomfortable with the excessive eating and drinking, and I'm inviting a couple of my own friends to some of it for support. But here is the part of the party relevant to these forums.

As I said almost everyone there is a musician. Saturday night there is usual a concert/drag show. It's been decided that this year everyone will have a chance to perform if they want, and drag is not compulsory. I'll be performing a song I wrote with my wife.

Here's my questions. These are all gay men doing drag while singing broadway songs for the most part. In other words drag queens. Whatever I am, I don't think it's a drag queen. I am considering wearing my usual girl clothes for the show, simple skirt and sleeveless tee, no makeup but a gray wig, since that sort of fits my persona. The group has nicknames for everyone, mine for a long time has been Mountain Mary.

Way back when, decades ago, I somehow managed to offend some of this group. They do at times remind me of little old ladies in drab. That's all in the past now and we are mostly friends. But I'm left with the feeling that Mountain Girl mingling with Broadway drag might on one hand be a chance for everyone to be far more inclusive vs will she piss someone off by not being over the top feminine.......I was considering having her sitting on the porch sharpening an ax or something when guests arrive, since we will also be having a nice fire anyway and wood must be cut. My wife is against that idea.

I should mention that my wife and I are mostly DADT so it's not as if she and Zari chat about these things.

Thoughts?

Zari

Anthony Simon · Post by **Anthony Simon** » Tue Sep 13, 2011 8:38 am

There's definitely a tension between drag queens and CDs - anyway I observe that, as a rule. However I know that when I've bought clothes and there's (what looks like) a gay man in the shop, I tend to get a positive response. I remember buying cosmetics once in Boots and the guy next to me was campish and buying brushes (I assumed drag queen) and we had a kind of short amused exchange. I just feel we're "on the same side"...

You've said your "female side" is a tomboy. I don't know how that mixes with drag queens (?old ladies in drab), but I imagine there might be a few conflicts. If it were me I'd just do the song - assuming you get to it, with all the rest of the stuff happening. I wouldn't put too much on it one way or another.

Post by **DonnaT** » Tue Sep 13, 2011 10:51 am

If the space is big enough, maybe two bars, one w/alcohol and one without (hopefully designated drivers will use this one).

As for Mountain Mary, wear a costume that's appropriate for the song. No need for garish makeup and large hair in any case, which is basically what defines an act as a drag queen act.

Davita · Post by **Davita** » Tue Sep 13, 2011 5:54 pm

I'd say do what you want with a skirt and top. I would just makes sure that it isn't making a mockery of anyone. Just be you however you are going to be.

Seems to me, your outfit (compared to theirs) is what got you your nickname in the first place. If you've okay with it, then no problem. If you have a problem being Mountain Mary, then you could spruce up, but you shouldn't have to do queen just because everyone else did.

Anita · Post by **Anita** » Tue Sep 13, 2011 6:12 pm

Zari--
If you have the nickname 'Mountain Mary,' that would say that it's common knowledge that you dress femme. But I didn't think you did that around anyone, including family.

If these gay men know that you do dress on your own, they might not care as much what you wear on this occasion. But if they don't know (which I think is more likely), then they're going to see a "straight" husband doing a parody of what he thinks drag queens do. Or they might see that drag is part of their act, but it's not part of yours, so why are you doing it?

Since it's a chance to dress, I'd like to say, "Go for it." But I don't think it's going to create much if any solidarity. The music itself can create that, and maybe it's better if nothing else gets in the way of the music.

Absaroka · Post by **Absaroka** » Wed Sep 14, 2011 8:01 am

Anita everyone's name ends in Mary. Hairy Mary, Fairy Mary, Contrary Mary. My wife is Queen Mary in deference to her gender. I'm Mountain Mary because I used to hike a lot.

The other guys don't know much about me dressing except Halloween, but I did send them some pictures of my tomboy a few years ago on facebook with a little narrative about the upcoming reunion which everyone thought was kind of funny, as it was meant to be. No one will be offended if I participate. The last time I attended one of these things, some years ago, I was encouraged to put on a dress but did not as I was afraid to appear to be too comfortable in it.

I sort of surprised everyone last time I was invited. An email had been sent that someone couldn't make it but was sending a CD in her place. I asked why she was sending a crossdresser in her place and was told that she meant a CD of her singing. Then there was general intrigue as to why the one straight man present had made that mistake.

My thought was that hopefully everyone would see my tomboy as a parody of my guy self.

Truthfully, my wifes friends being who they are I doubt much of anything in this area would surprise them. I think what made them uncomfortable decades ago was my sobriety, combined with a tendency to speak my mind about other issues and a general lack of fastidiousness. A typical criticism: there were leftovers and he asked if anyone wanted any. When we all said no he ate them all, leaving nothing for the rest of us." Of course with the food this will be less of an issue now but that's a typical thing, hence my comment that they often seem like little old ladies pretending to be middle aged gay men.

My daughters namesake will be attending and helping host the event. Maybe I'll ask him about this.

Thanks for the input. Donna the idea of two bars and buffets is a nice one but it's not the prescence of booze, it's the prescence of drunks that I have trouble with. A couple of these people do occaisionally have "the change" that unpleasant personality change that folks with drinking problems can have with just a couple of drinks. I've already told my wife that if someone becomes really obnoxious, out they go. Period.

Thanks for the input and I'll keep everyone posted.

Zari

Ralitsa · Post by **Ralitsa** » Wed Sep 14, 2011 2:54 pm

Do you want to borrow my Annie Oakley dress and rifle Zari?

I know how you feel about the presence of drunks. I have a habit of drinking more than I should myself, but I don't like to be around people who behave poorly when they drink.
I like the sharpening the ax idea, and I think you should also have a big belt knife, which can look quite nice if your belt is stylish and matches your boots. So I guess I'm saying that I wouldn't go for the overly femme look, rather I would take the Mountain Mary look to the extreme, and then sing some good ole blugrasss. And I guess you'll want to borrow my banjo also

It sounds like a lot of fun. And I guess they will either be OK with the look you decide to go with, or they will get over it.

Absaroka · Post by **Absaroka** » Thu Sep 15, 2011 7:21 am

Ralitsa I love your ideas. but since I'll be playing jazz I'd opt for a beret as well.

Which brings me to another dilemma with my song I'll be doing. The piano player, who lives locally, is struggling with the altered dominant ninth chords. I thought Bway used those things but guess not.

Anita it's Firefly Blues by the way.

Zari

Anne Bonny · Post by **Anne Bonny** » Thu Sep 15, 2011 11:50 am

Agree there are several tensions here - Gay/Straight; Crossdress/Drag queen, and do I sense a broadway/country tension as well? You might be better bowing out as you would certainly be the odd man out in several ways and would stick out like a sore thumb so the potential is there to have comments made that you may find hurtful since you are pretty much by yourself - hum... forgot about your friends but even if your group is outnumbered - that sets up a kind of outsider/insider tension.
I believe I would just be myself in a nice dress, and help to host the party in your? home. I read that there are gays that resent crossdressers as they blame them for digging up an old stereotype of gays and drag queens! Doesn't sound like it fits this group of gays? I think I would largely chill in a corner with MY CD friends and cross chit chat as the occasion arose but off the stage.

Anita · Post by **Anita** » Thu Sep 15, 2011 12:26 pm

The piano player, who lives locally, is struggling with the altered dominant ninth chords. I thought Bway used those things but guess not.

He's wrestling with what Allman Brothers guitarist Dickie Betts reportedly called "space chords." Tricky little devils, those space chords! I used to know a lot of them, and never ended up using them much. You don't need any flatted fifths chords to play "Rock the Nation."

But I hope you "swing" the nation with "Firefly Blues," Zari.

Absaroka · Post by **Absaroka** » Thu Sep 15, 2011 11:25 pm

Anne there won't be any other CDers, at least that I know of. All drag queens and fag hags. The friends I'm inviting are sort of normal except that they have been around. If they show up I may change back into guy mode extremely soon after the song.

I've often thought the real tension dynamic is married to a woman vs being a womans BGF (best gay friend)

Anita the dominant7#9 is also just called the Hendrix chord-Jimi was very fond of it. I just added a b5 and b9

Thanks for the encouragement though Anita. So far everyone who has heard the song likes it. Of course my wife is one of those people who can make the alphabet a work of art.

DeeDee · Post by **DeeDee** » Fri Sep 16, 2011 5:41 pm

Absaroka
Two years(?) ago, I went to a "drag night" at our MCC church. At first I was leery about the "drag" thing. My SO talked me into it and at the last moment had me change from my so-so dress into my ball gown. Turns out the night was great..some gay guys with beards and 'staches in dresses, but they were really nice to us girls. The show was great and we raised almost $1000 for the church!!!! So, do what you think is best, but I don't see a prob there (although you know the situation better than I). Just enjoy yourself and really, really do the best performance you can!!!
Hugs
DeeDee

Anita · Post by **Anita** » Fri Sep 16, 2011 6:10 pm

Way to go, DeeDee. Going for it with that ball gown! Glad that worked out, to step it up a notch and it was OK.

Zari--Of course I had to go look up the Hendrix chord, and it took me to "Hold it," a 50s-instrumental by Bill Doggett. They play that chord throughout.

I re-thought my original post--you might as well go for it with your wife's friends, hon. They may be little ol' ladies, but they're the kind that have seen a lot in their time. A gray wig and a long skirt aren't going to ruin their day. It sounds like they've come to expect the unexpected from you, so, what's a little more?

I never thought of that Hendrix figure as a chord--I looked on it as a 'riff,' which is usually a line or a little trick of some sort. ZZtop uses it on "Tush," too--it's the main ingredient for that song.

Absaroka · Post by **Absaroka** » Mon Oct 10, 2011 3:01 pm

Folks went out of their way at times to express their appreciation for the two of us hosting this and as we sat around the fire in the back yard last night I told them how much all of this meant to me, in particular the music.

Oh, that's nice that they did that. In my mind, that is showing real appreciation.

Because folks were arriving by train, copious costumes were not used

As a train buff, I like hearing this. But under what circumstances were people using trains? Other than work or a concert/ballgame downtown, most people don't use a train if they can help it. One or two might be a train fan, but that's about it. Do you live right behind the local Amtrak depot, Zari?

I wound up jamming on a song called Blue Flame with my wife singing and scatting, my eldest daughters boyfriend on guitar, and my wifes first fiance (he left her for another man) on piano.

The nusic sounds wonderful. No "fireflies" , though?

I did a long plunger with pixie mute thing.

And what might this be? A trombone device?

My wife made up several verses including one about me that left me very touched and was by definition the highlight of the evening for me.

Aw, that's nice to hear about.

It was all unrehearsed, and I had the extreme pleasure of being told by a number of musicians of professional quality that they enjoyed it greately and were impressed by the whole spontaneity-

You can't beat that kind of compliment. I would have been glowing, too.

Zari didn't appear although she did put up a couple of photos in the picture corner so as to present a different take on feminimity.

Well, I'm glad she was there in some capacity.

There were also two evenings of deep personal discussions around the fire that were very enjoyable. On the suggestions of several others, this being my first time at these things I mostly listened, which was as it turned out fine with me and enjoyed that greatly.

I love the sound of this. With a partial family reunion this week, I'll get to experience some of that, too.

this being my first time at these things

Didn't you say that there were misunderstandings about food at one of these gatherings years ago? Or was that some other gathering, where it just happened a lot of the same people attended?

Davita · Post by **Davita** » Mon Oct 10, 2011 4:24 pm

Wonderful Zari! Glad it all worked out and was so nice.