trying to understand

Diane Marshack · Post by **Diane Marshack** » Sun Oct 30, 2011 1:11 pm

huggs all ,,,,,i have been dealing with crossdressing most of my life ,,,,,i cant seem to take my beard off so it make its harder to be a girl ,,i'm not sure why i cant or wont ,,,has any others of you had this problem ,,i feel traped in this body & at wits end ,,,,could sure use some help thanks so much diane

Paula G · Post by **Paula G** » Sun Oct 30, 2011 1:22 pm

For many years I was very attached to my face fungus, I fear that I have a rather prominent chin and the beard covered it, so gave me a bit of security. my wife also liked the beard so it was more or less a given that it stayed.

Just before going on holiday last year I plucked up the courage and took it of, this has had several effects
1/ Most people say I look younger
2/ I can now go out dressed, this gives me so much glee, it has been a total release.
3/ I can now get the pedal notes on my contra bass tuba
4/ sometimes I still get surprised by the face that looks back from the mirror
5/ I have to spend more time and money on personal grooming, (I have found that using a moisturiser after shaving gets rid of all the discomfort I used to get from shaving.

Anita · Post by **Anita** » Sun Oct 30, 2011 1:25 pm

i Diane--
Your questions are talked about in many threads on here, especially in the "Coping for CDs" forum. You may get some replies here, too, but there's some very detailed answers in the posts from the past. You don't even have to use the "search" function (which I know frustrates me.) Just look at the titles in "Coping."

As to your specific question about the beard—I know that people have written about that, too, but it may not be so easy to find the exact threads.

I hope you can end up feeling better at the end of today, anyway. Sorry that you're feeling at wit's end with it all.

Anthony Simon · Post by **Anthony Simon** » Sun Oct 30, 2011 4:14 pm

I did have a beard when I was very young. I went on holiday (6 weeks in Europe) without a shaver and when I got back my dad didn't recognise me! I turned up at the door (I seem to have mislaid my key) and he said "not today thankyou"...

So it's absolutely going to change your appearance if you take it off. I had all sorts of fears that it would make me look too feminine without it, but not so...It's just sometimes (like twice in 20 years) people mistook me for a girl. It hasn't happened to me in the last 10 years...

I don't know if this is right, but what you're saying sounds like you've got a psychological block. I had one of those when it came to makeup. I didn't try applying it until around 18 months ago. So that's like 50 years of CDing without it. I was always scared that, once I tried it, it would be a kind of irrevocable decision - like I'd be committing to being intrinsically girlish and wouldn't be able to get out of it. And I was deadly afraid of that.

In the end, the decision came of its own accord. I just decided to make a serious attempt with makeup (with stuff I'd already bought through the post from a CD shop). Perhaps the biggest step was going into a shop and buying some foundation because I'd run out.

I find that just about all the steps I make to look more female I fight tooth and nail (in another part of me). There's so much fear involved in this, for me. All I can say is that things tend to work out as long as I let it evolve naturally. I find that I can cope.

Plainly you can just shave the beard off. But that doesn't seem to be the problem...Because you do seem very keen to not have it and see what happens. I don't know, do you think you're suddenly going to look like a woman or something?

Post by **DonnaT** » Mon Oct 31, 2011 6:23 am

You may be afraid of how far you will want to take the dressing up, if you didn't have a beard to hide behind.

I had facial hair for so long I thought I looked better with it, as a guy, but once I shaved it all off I saw I was wrong.

Absaroka · Post by **Absaroka** » Mon Oct 31, 2011 8:21 am

I shave my beard off once a year, for Halloween. My family agrees it's the scariest I could possibly look.

I few years ago I had the thought that I'd like to see if could be remotely passable clean shaven. However I really don't look good without a beard. It's not just my opinion, everyone I know well enough to get an honest answer from agrees with me. Plus I don't like shaving.

There is a lot of truth to the idea expressed here that having a beard can serve as a check on how far we go with our crossdressing. But that's not the only reason to keep a beard.

Personally I think that for me wearing a dress is a very male thing to do. I like the excitement, the theatricallity, the fun, of portraying myself as someone someone else. Or of portraying another side of me. However the truth is that a man in a dress with a beard will make most people uncomfortable, so portraying the side of me that wears a dress also means expressing the part of me that enjoys solitude.

There is sometimes a pressure I think for us to portray certain aspects of feminimity in our crossdressing, i.e. to present ourselves as a complete woman in appearance. Hence the rule here in these forums that if you post a picture of yourself in a dress you must be clean shaven. Given that one of the original purposes of these forums was to foster trust and reassurance between spouses and partners when one of them was a crossdresser, I don't have a problem with that. But please don't feel that the tri ess model of presenting the woman within as the 2nd self is the only way of viewing our dichotomy. And if you like your beard, keep it. You've already broken one rule, that men don't wear dresses. So why worry about another rule, that men wearing dresses should be clean shaven?

As I said, expressing the part of me that likes to wear a dress (or in my case womens tee shirts and casual skirts) also means expressing that solitary aspect of myself, to myself, God, and the critters running around in the woods and my back yard. If I was to strongly want to interact with the public as a woman, I'd probably need to make some changes. But the truth is that at 6-2 and a large frame, I'm not going to pass anyway, and I don't think I'd really like being treated as a woman.

A couple of years ago I was in Provincetown Mass. I did see a couple of men in beards and dresses there. I also saw a couple of people being discretely led around on leashes, which to my mind made the whole beard and dress thing seem almost mundane.

Zari

Rikki · Post by **Rikki** » Mon Oct 31, 2011 8:45 am

After having a full beard for over 25 years, I finally clipped mine. May have been my return to CDing that was the influence to shave, but I tell everyone (truthfully) that one morning I looked in the mirror and saw Santa looking back at me, so it had to go. Gained at least ten years that morning! Mentally, it does make being dressed a bit more realistic and rewarding. Great thing is the 5 o'clock shadow is so white it doesnt show.

Rikki

Anne Bonny · Post by **Anne Bonny** » Fri Nov 04, 2011 10:00 am

my facial hair I suspect would if left untamed result in one of those thin scragaly beards or mustaches seen in some hillbillies and hobos. In High School we go through the peach fuzz period, and in the early 1970's I fantasized about growing a mustache but have been clean shaven all of my life, influenced by my Father who was clean shaven and fully a man.
I am frustrated in fact by it and would much rather have absolutely no hair growth on my face what so ever! Women are so lucky they don't have to spend ten to 15 minutes scraping and occasionally knicking their faces with a 5 bladed razor, shaving cream etc.

Diane Marshack · Post by **Diane Marshack** » Fri Nov 04, 2011 6:14 pm

Anita wrote:i Diane--
Your questions are talked about in many threads on here, especially in the "Coping for CDs" forum. You may get some replies here, too, but there's some very detailed answers in the posts from the past. You don't even have to use the "search" function (which I know frustrates me.) Just look at the titles in "Coping."

As to your specific question about the beard—I know that people have written about that, too, but it may not be so easy to find the exact threads.

I hope you can end up feeling better at the end of today, anyway. Sorry that you're feeling at wit's end with it all.

thanks anita just talking about it is good thanks diane

Davita · Post by **Davita** » Sat Nov 05, 2011 12:01 pm

Diane,
Shave it. It grows back. Once you've done it one time, it gets easier every time you want to be without it. My in-laws and friends are used to my fur coming and going. My friends know why, but my in-laws don't. They just make mention they see it gone and life goes on.

Erica S · Post by **Erica S** » Sat Nov 05, 2011 5:23 pm

I too am having difficultly shaving off my mustache. I have had it all my adult life. I have only shaved it twice. Once for halloween and once for a surgery. About 25 years ago I wanted to dress as a women for halloween and my then wife said ok. I did shave my mustache off. That was the first time I ever dressed in public even though it was to be in costume. The next time was for a sinus surgery and that is all so far.

Now my hair is turning grey and I struggle day to day whether I should go clean shaven from now on. It would make the times I dress easier to get made up and also look convincing.

Erica

Kittie · Post by **Kittie** » Sun Nov 06, 2011 2:57 pm

The quote below is similar to my situation excpt that i still have my beard on & my wife likes it!

Paula G wrote:For many years I was very attached to my face fungus, I fear that I have a rather prominent chin and the beard covered it, so gave me a bit of security. my wife also liked the beard so it was more or less a given that it stayed.

Just before going on holiday last year I plucked up the courage and took it of, this has had several effects
1/ Most people say I look younger
2/ I can now go out dressed, this gives me so much glee, it has been a total release.
3/ I can now get the pedal notes on my contra bass tuba
4/ sometimes I still get surprised by the face that looks back from the mirror
5/ I have to spend more time and money on personal grooming, (I have found that using a moisturiser after shaving gets rid of all the discomfort I used to get from shaving.

Paula G · Post by **Paula G** » Mon Nov 07, 2011 7:38 pm

Since shaving my beard off, I have had so many compliments concerning how much younger I look, just the other day I was accused of growing younger! I am sure that part of this is that my beard is grey. But for some reason when it is stubble it still looks black. I'm looking forward to it being white so it's not such a pain to cover up!

Anouk · Post by **Anouk** » Sun Dec 18, 2011 4:51 pm

I shaved my moustaches for the first time when I was 45, the same age I got the glasses.

My older relatives noticed only the glasses, the younger ones only the missing moustaches. Since then I have gradually plucked the eye brows, epilated my legs and most of my chest area and let my nails grow without any comments.

Stephanie H · Post by **Stephanie H** » Thu Dec 29, 2011 1:42 pm

Davita is on the money
Hair Today
Gone Tomorrow