A woman (married three times) walked into a bridal shop one day and told the sales clerk that she was looking for a wedding gown for her fourth wedding.
'Of course, madam,' replied the sales clerk, 'exactly what type and color dress are you looking for?'
The bride-to-be said, 'A long frilly white dress with a veil.'
The sales clerk hesitated a bit, then said, 'Please don't take this the wrong way, but gowns of that nature are considered more appropriate for brides who are being married the first time - for those who are a bit more innocent, if you know what I mean? Perhaps ivory or sky blue would be nice?'
'Well,' replied the customer, a little peeved at the clerk's directness, 'I can assure you that a white gown would be quite appropriate. Believe it or not, despite all my marriages, I remain as innocent as a first-time bride. You see, my first husband was so excited about our wedding, he died as we were checking into our hotel.
My second husband and I got into such a terrible fight in the limo on our way to our honeymoon that we had that wedding annulled immediately and never spoke to each other again.'
'What about your third husband?' asked the sales clerk.
'That one was a Democrat,' said the woman, 'and every night for four years, he just sat on the edge of the bed and told me how good it was going to be, but nothing ever happened.'
Proud Military Family - Navy, Army, Coast Guard, National Guard 
soooo true